Motivation? Or, none.....

Boomer13
Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
edited 30. Jun 2013, 12:33 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hello,

Well I'm in week xy of the latest flare and still waiting for mtx to fill my high hopes and expectations. I'm into month #5 of taking it and I'm still having a lot of pain, fatigue, etc. What I need help with is whether to even attempt to finish a course I've been taking.

I'm enrolled in an at-home university level course that I agreed to take as part of my "re-training" for a new job where I don't need to use my hands (is there one of those??) I finished one last year and it was really bad with flares, stress, exams, flares and more flares but, I completed it. I didn't want to take another one but was gently "pushed" into it by a job/disability coach.

I am at the point where I need to either let it go, or get going and finish it and just deal with the flares as they seem to be happening anyway. I'm just not very motivated; it's so hard to concentrate right now. And, to be honest I don't feel like going back to work is even a possibility right now.

I've never given up on anything academic before so I'm really struggling trying to make up my mind....I think letting it go is sensible but it will compromise taking additional courses later. I don't want to close that door completely but the thought of making myself worse, even temporarily, is not very appealing. Feeling very exhausted from the illness right now and not in a good frame of mind for making a decision.

Any ideas and input would be most appreciated.
Anna

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Our lives are about the here and now, not the vague and filmy future. It sounds as though the meth is not doing it's thing (the optimum kick-in time is about twelve weeks) - are you taking anything else to support it?

    Our bodies don't react well to extra stress and pressure and this course seems to be causing you that. I suspect that things might improve for you if you make that maybe-not-so-difficult-after -all decision to drop it. It won't be the end of the world, just another sudden veer around a very sharp corner which is what seems to happen to us again and again (the best-laid plans of mice and arthritics etc etc etc). Don't beat yourself up about it - life is too short (and currently too painful). All will be well, it's just that the crud has to end first, and it will if you remove some of the stress. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Phew! That's a tough one, Anna.

    First off, I'm wondering if the meth is working. I think one ought to have some idea by 5 months though pain and fatigue sound pretty normal components of an auto-immune arthritis even when the meds are working. You might need them tweaking though. When did you last see your rheumatologist and when are you due again?

    I agree, this really doesn't seem to be a good time for taking big decisions. Are you sure dropping this one will compromise taking others later? Might you be able to pick up on this at a later date? Do you have a tutor or pastoral care officer that you could talk over possibilities with?

    Another possibility might be a steroid jab which would buy you a bit of time to finish the course. However, the rheumatologist mightn't like that idea if trying to determine how well or badly the meth's working for you.

    I guess, from an arthritis point of view, you need to get right away from the stress but, from a job/career point of view, you may need to carry on. I'm glad it's not my decision.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am so sorry you are suffering like this,I cant offer any advice on the meds apart form could you not get a steroid jab to help you get through the course ...I do hope you can get to see someone that can help..and please let us know how you get on...(((()))xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for your input.

    DD I'm on hydroxychloraquine to support the mtx. Thank you for your thoughts on this. You are right it is only a course, best to keep it in perspective. I don't need to get too far ahead of myself right now.

    SW I just had a dose increase at the beginning of May and my next rheum date is not until the fall. I think I may look into the steroid injection though. Your idea to find someone to talk to about it is a good one. Thank you, I will.

    These illnesses really do zap your strength(s) don't they?

    Anna
  • As5567
    As5567 Member Posts: 665
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sounds like you're having a very hard time. I know how you're feeling with trying to study and dealing with all the pain and effects arthritis brings. I had to make a decision last year while at uni and decided to take a year out to sort out my medication etc which is also what my doctor recommended I do, is it not possible for you to look into this? It is always hard to make big decisions but pushing yourself too far sometimes can cause more damage than is good and spending a little time out from the course to get your condition stable can make a huge difference in the long term. Hope this helps
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you As5567. That makes a lot of sense. I realize I'm stressing about this more than I thought.
  • DebbieT
    DebbieT Member Posts: 1,033
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think the advice uve been given is excellent Anna :)

    I'm in the camp of take care of ureself 1st & deal with everything else once ure more stable btw.

    It took me around 6-8 months to get my dose right with mtx then I had a good couple of years, I hope ures will settle soon. Wot dose are you currently on? If it's recently been increased then it will take a little while for that to take effect.

    I hope, wot ever you decide, that ure stress & fatigue levels lower asap & that ure flares get under control.x
    Healing Hugs
    Debbie.x
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Debbie;

    While I'm sorry your relief on mtx took so long, it is reassuring that there is still hope at month 6 for me. It seems like I just had a dose increase but it's already been 6 weeks...... :cry:

    I think if I could just feel a little better, less fatigue/sick-feeling, I think I could live with the pain better. Oh well, life doesn't work that way does it?

    I still have room to increase mtx; I'm only at 15 mg, however, it makes me quite sick. Well, sick-er. I like the sound of your "good couple of years". It can't come too soon, if it's coming at all.

    With everyone's input, I came to the conclusion that my indecision was ridiculous and a product of illness-exhaustion. It really is a no-brainer that I let the course go. I tend to get obsessed with finishing things, you see.

    Wishing everyone better days ahead!!
    ((hugs)),
    Anna