What do you do when .....?

knuckleduster

What do you do when you feel you just can't take the pain any longer? The other day I was telling my daughter about something I was intending to purchase and jokingly said to her "it would see me out". She told me not to be morbid and I could have another thirty years. I looked at her and thought to myself "30 years, sometimes I don't even want another 30 seconds!" I know it's wrong to think like that, when there are thousands of people spread across the world fighting one way or another to live another day, but when you know there is no hope of ever living your life without pain, what then? And I feel so quilty at spoiling my husband's life as we could do so much in his retirement if it wasn't for me.

Janet xx

dreamdaisy

I don't do anything apart from remind myself I've been dealing with this for a fair number of years now, and I can do so again. What I occasionally allow is a brief wallow in the PoSP (pool of self-pity). Today has been one of those days but I am getting ready to haul myself out as he'll be home later and my shortcomings are not his problem.

Rellies who care about us often cannot speak about the prospect of our not being here any more. Think of all the thirty second chunks you've gotten through today and you can carry on getting through them. It is hard when the pain seems to be all-consuming, one of the most useful strategies is not to allow that to happen but that's far from easy. DD

chookgate

I just stop and wallow in the misery for a while, have a good cry and a rant - often just to thin air, but if hubby's about he gets an earful. Half an hour of that usually gets me over the worst, until the next time.

Thinking of you.

barbara12

Oh Janet I really do feel for you, we dont often here you say your in so much pain, I have been there and come out the others side I think... :? but talking to us lot will really help you....(((((()))))xx

Boomer13

Hello;

I too am extremely exhausted by the unending pain. For me it works to stop thinking, expecting, anticipating. If I can't, I listen to my guided meditation CD's and practice mindfulness (can google it) It's an evidence-based stress reduction technique. It gives me something else to focus on and I find if I practice regularly it does reduce the stress level & I'm happier, though still in pain . Stress sure does do weird things to my thinking and the guilt about absolutely everything surfaces now and then. I put it down to stress, and try not to take it too seriously, for the sake of my health if nothing else.

With thoughts that I am ruining my husband's life, I remind myself that he is free to do whatever he likes (with a couple of limitations ). Even when I was completely healthy life rarely turned out like we thought it would and we always made the best of it. This is really no different. He could have come down with arthritis, had a bad injury, etc instead of you.

You couldn't predict this would happen to you so you can't hold yourself responsible for other people's unmet expectations as a result. Time to let yourself off the hook and get rid of the guilt; it's not your fault!

Take care, hope you feel a little better soon
Anna

DebbieT

Hi,

I tend to be a right wimp.Lol Wen I'm in an arthritic flare in combination with fibromyalgia flare too I have quite literally cried & rang the Drs out of hours service for help :? I'm always really embarrassed afterwards & thankfully it's only got that bad a couple of times. They'll generally send a morphine based med for me.

Anna is spot on about the guilt etc as my husband DID become disabled first, 8 years b4 me wen he was 34 & I was 32. I never once resented him for the massive changes it caused to our lives, my guilt has always surrounded our children more than us!! No one would choose our lives tho, anyone with half a brain can see the struggle & pain just living causes us. I think ure husband would want you to treat him the same as he's treated you if he was in ure shoes & therefore is unlikely to resent ure limitations.

On a daily basis I try to avoid thinking about in X amount of years time as it gets really daunting & hard to face. Little chunks of time is much easier to deal with for me, We're all different tho.

Take care.x

Boomer13

Just had another thought about your situation. Perhaps it might be worth discussing with your GP? I'm sorry I'm not certain which arthritis you have but perhaps he/she could offer a better pain management regime?

Apologies if you've already tried this. I know some of us do grind along with pretty severe daily pain despite meds. It's tough going.

Maybe Dr. can help. Meds like regular, or time-release tramadol have a slight antidepressant effect too. That one, added with a few others, has really helped me.

Best wishes,
Anna

bubbadog

I've been feeling totally drained over the past few weeks and what I've told myself is slow down, try and give yourself some rest, so I try and chill of an afternoon if I want to sleep then sleep (It's hard when you have 6 1/2 month old kittens running riot!) And go to bed to sleep early!!

When it comes to pain, if it's driving me to the point of distraction then I see my G.P and talk to my Rhummey Nurse. And I would have known I should have seen my G.P sooner and will get a telling off from both G.P & Rhummey Nurse!!

stickywicket

I've given this some thought, Janet, as it is a serious matter. I don't think it's a matter of 'right' or 'wrong' thoughts. One can only feel how one feels. You've been honest about how you feel and that's the main thing, though I think it was right not to voice your thoughts (about sometimes not wanting to live another 30 seconds) to your daughter as that's a burden she doesn't need.

I guess I'm coming at this from a different perspective. I've had arthritis for over 50 years and honestly can't remember a 'life without pain'. It's a bit of a meaningless concept to me. Sometimes there's been a lot, sometimes a little and, on occasions, ****** awful pain and yet I never felt it was so bad I wanted out. If pain is the problem there are usually more dullers to be had. The Lebanese poet, Kahlil Gibran, wrote 'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.' It's only natural, and healthy, to try to get away from pain yet it does teach us a lot of valuable stuff, one of which is how to enjoy the good times to the full.

I wonder if your husband feels you are 'spoiling his life'. Have you two talked about this, openly? I honestly don't think mine feels like that though many things would be, and would have been, much better without my arthritis. He still enjoys his retirement. Some of the things he enjoys are with me and some (definitely the golf and the gym) without me.

I've always felt, with arthritis, that the trick is to find a means of enjoying where you have to be. There's only more pain if one is constantly harking back to some past golden age or wishing for the impossible. It's a matter of deciding what is possible here and now and ensuring I enjoy it. Sometimes very little is possible. I consider that's my cue to watch cricket and do nowt

I prescribe a good, long natter with Mr Knuckleduster, preferably involving a bottle or two. I hope things seem less bleak soon.