Living Without Arthritis.

dreamdaisy
dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
edited 21. Aug 2013, 14:55 in Living with Arthritis archive
Bear with, bear with, I'll get to the point. :wink:

I popped over the road to my neighbours' this afternoon for a cuppa and a catch-up, not having seen them for a week. She is my massage therapist and he is an all-round good egg of a bloke. They had some good news.

They had their house valued on Monday and they have begun a mahoosive clear-out because they have been told that they might be moving to Newhaven in Sussex. They received this message from God (they are devout believers of the happy-clappy sort) and so they have put the wheels in motion.

Oh, to be healthy. They are both fit and well, she does her massages between 9am and 4.30pm, he works for the NHS delivering kit to householders in need - a cushti little number as he starts at 8.30am and finishes at 4.30pm, his commute involving a ten-minute bike-ride.

I'm not fit and well and my husband has just rung to say he's on the drag: he left at 6.30am and won't be home until 8.30pm, so I'm now off to cook. We want to move but don't have the time - or rather I don't have the energy to do what needs to be done.

I admit it, I'm jealous because life seems reasonably straightforward when one has health. They take it for granted and so they should but yes, I'm jealous.

I'm off to sulk whilst I cook. DD
Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A good sulk as well as a good scream or cry does you good so you sulk away DD you deserve it. Mig
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Some would regard it as the due rewards of being god-botherers DD. When I read your post the first thing that came to mind was that awful phrase 'To him that hath shall be given, and from him that hath not, shall even that little be taken'. Does it make it better or worse that they are nice people with it - so that 'Snot fair' ends up as a sulk rather than a full blown tantrum?( not that our level-headed DD would dream of indulging in such a thing....)
  • Toots
    Toots Member Posts: 483
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I always used to say to my kids when I got the 'not fair!' cry - life is not fair and nobody has any business telling you otherwise.

    Sounded good at the time, but it's easy to say these things when you have nothing to complain about, in the grand scheme of it all.

    Have a good sulk DD, sending virtual hugs, just because I can ((( )))
    Toots x
  • Megrose489
    Megrose489 Member Posts: 782
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I totally understand your feelings,DD. My husband has mental health issues which limits us in what we can do as a couple, e.g. travelling to see our new grandchild in Scotland is out. Apart from this, we have a good life, so I try to focus on this, but it's hard sometimes. Harder for him, though!

    Virtual hugs from me, too.

    Meg
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm still sulking. I have totally forgotten what it's like to wake up after a good night's sleep to surge into the new day because your life is not measured in spoons and neither do you have a lurking gorilla to entertain. I'm much more used to feeling done in before I've begun. :lol:

    The concept of fairness is one that should be consigned to the bin - life is as it is for all of us who have it. I freely admit that I am currently very tired of trying to make the best of it, especially when the usual reward is more pain and tiredness, but that is life as I have it and it ain't gonna change. I've decided to devote my day to grumpiness and doing a complicated jigsaw, plus I will phone a friend and bend her ear with my mega-selfish moaning. I hurt from top-to-toe and today I am going to revel in it. DD

    PS I am happy that my friends are happy - hopefully God will change his mind and if He doesn't no matter. We'll still be friends, just the sort that you never see instead of the sort you pop in to have a cuppa and natter with.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • jillyb1
    jillyb1 Member Posts: 1,725
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I get fed up with hearing , " there's plenty who are worse off than you " ; indeed there are I'm fortunately loved and cared for by my hubby , our kids and their spouses . Sometimes that remark doesn't help and the " not fair " returns to my thoughts !
    Jillyb
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You sulk away DD...I think it is deserved...we are thinking of having new carpet in two small bedrooms., but first they have to be emptied :shock: ...my poor Hubby is still working at 66...and no pension so he is shattered....we will probably still be thinking of these carpets next year...so I will sulk with you ... :)
    Love
    Barbara
  • Toots
    Toots Member Posts: 483
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    DD I had a thought, may be totally offbase, but I'll share anyway. Is part of your not-fair-sulk perhaps connected to the fact that you're going to lose two good friends who live near enough that you can pop in for coffee and blether? Perhaps the thought of not being able to do that anymore, given you're restricted in what you can do at the best of times, is making it more difficult to accept.

    I'm sorry if it seems like I'm rubbing it in, not my intention, I just think sometimes folk forget to grieve for the little things that might have quite a personal impact.

    Ok, I've waffled, and not sure I've made sense, but hopefully you'll get what I mean lol. x
    Toots x
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,143
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello DD
    our aunt and uncle were always going away and living the good life never having anything wrong then he got cancer through his body and died.
    life can be hard and you have such a lot going on and you are a lovely caring lady and i'm sure you will have good things coming your way.
    take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My grumpy day is proceeding well, I am being bone-idle and thoroughly indulging myself in misery, including a wee greet here or there. I think it has to be done every now and again for the sake of my sanity - you all know me pretty well by now and realise that I don't usually get the grumps. It could be very easy to moan all the time about how tough things are but who would that help - and how boring would it be? It is what it is and it will do what it will do. I am usually not at all bothered by the fact that all my friends have healthy lives, their reality is an unkown factor, it is irking when they start imparting helpful advice but I have a few retorts which I'm not afraid to utter. :)

    I have amused myself recently with writing an arthritis-based set of the ten commandments - any takers? :wink: I am also muttering my Arthritic's Prayer on a regular basis - that's helping. DD

    PS I forgot my manners - sorry. :oops: I extend my thanks for your replies, it's a comfort knowing that, although I am on my own, I'm not alone.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Your neighbours aren't just living without arthritis, DD. This might be an assumption of my part but I'd hazard a guess that they are also living without:

    * three massive family bereavements

    *one extremely serious appendix op

    * ditto two carpal tunnel ops

    * the need to deal with parental wills

    * the need to dispose of parental properties from a distance

    * the prospect of losing their very valuable masseuse and friendly neighbour.

    Plus, all this compressed into just 10 months.

    You've had a huge amount to cope with on top of the arthritis and this is just one more thing, the timing of which – the day after your cousin's funeral - is utter rubbish. You have dealt well with all the rest and you will deal well with this. You can't deal with it at all unless you acknowledge how big a thing it is. It is necessary and you've done it. Well done!

    Other than that I can only echo Joan's (typical of her) wise words. And offer a few ((((()))))
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD,

    I'm sending gentle hugs and a whole bucket of sympathy!!!! You're right, it's not fair! Really hope that life looks a bit better tomorrow, in the meantime I'd love to hear those 10 commandments please?

    I guess that you'd classify me as a "God botherer" too-hubbie's a vicar and I'm a priest too, but sadly it's no insurance against the grotty bits of life, and then again why should it be. I struggle with RA and all the rubbish that goes with it, and am currently awaiting an MRI scan for a shoulder injury that has left me in constant pain (all I did was roll over awkwardly in bed!)-just wish I could remember the last time I slept for longer than 2 hours, and wouldn't it be wonderful to eat a meal without a handful of pills for dessert! :(

    Take good care of yourself, and make the most of those wonderful friends whilst they're still in hugging distance.

    Deb x
  • louisarm
    louisarm Member Posts: 52
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear DD,

    I am so sorry your life is a bit blah (to put it mildly)at the moment.

    A friend of mine recommended a book called 'The Reality Slap' by Russ Harris. I have only ordered it so I can't say if its any good as yet, however, if you Google it the reviews say it can be life changing.
    Apparently it is based on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and is different from conventional therapy such as CBT. The reality slap refers to what life has thrown to us being so very different from what reality we want.

    You may not be in to self-help books so please ignore the suggestion.
    Or even have already read it!

    Take care
    Louisa
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    When I was trying to come to terms with having arthritis I said to someone it's not fair why me the reply was no its not fair but why not you.The longer I've been on this forum the luckier I feel ! I didn't get this awful disease till I was in my 60 s so I have lived a full and active life but still I think WHY ME. Mig
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I no longer think why me because the only answer was always why not? I think I was seven when I first asked that unanswerable question. :lol: I remember hearing an interview with a bloke who had lost his family in tragic circumstances, he said 'I used to think that these things happened to other people but now I am the other people.' How prescient.

    Today got off to a very rough start, lots of restless sleep and a few tears shed on to my husband. Then life took a very surprising turn - there was a knock on the front door and standing there was my ex - neighbour with his son. I spent the next two hours reminiscing, catching up and laughing my head off.

    Once again, my thanks to you all for your support. Louisarm, I haven't heard of that book and Toots you wre not in the slightest off base. Dibdab, I'll PM you the arthritics prayer - I've lost the ten commandments but I feel they can't be far away. I made the mistake of tidying up. :wink: Mig? I hope you are feeling a little better and not itching so much. DD

    PS I doubt I can make it to the Fat Cat - yup, it's that rough. :cry:
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Crikey things must be bad !

    Itching just the same,some spots go then more appear,still not a lot though. Mig
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Glad you had some "good stuff" time. Here's today's dose of gentle hugs {{{{{ }}}}}, sadly one handed because the shoulder is hideous today- roll on my MRI scan on Thursday when at least I might get some insight as to why it's so painful.

    Hope that you get a reasonable night tonight, take care.

    Deb xx

    PS, thanks for the arthritic prayer in advance, know what you mean about tidying up, it's always a mistake ! :roll:
  • nearlybionic
    nearlybionic Member Posts: 1,899
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD
    (sorry I am late to this)
    It is hard not to feel why me? sometimes, well most of the time!! I am sorry that your friend is moving away, life seems so easy for others.
    I hope that shedding some tears helped to relieve the build up of c***. It is good to let off steam at times if only to stop you from going completely gaga!
    I am glad you had a nice surprise today :D
    I hope that things start to improve for you soon DD, you really do deserve a better time very soon xx
    Take care
    NB
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Living without arthritis is in the realm of a dream it seems.

    I watch some of my friends go through their day and I'm exhausted. It seems unreal to me what they can do. I just can't imagine myself being able to do those things anymore; the thought frightens me, actually. I have a vague memory of what that's like but it was so long ago. I really miss remembering what it was like to feel really good, energetic, etc instead of having to push oneself seemingly through a giant, figurative vat of mud or glue with bricks tied to ones' feet.

    I'm jealous of those who have that sense that everything is right with your body and you can do whatever you want with only fitness level to stop you. Maybe that only exists for the young anyway.

    Sulking along with you DD,
    Anna

    PS hope you find the ten commandments.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Many more people live without than with: our reality is so far removed from theirs and I comfort myself with the thought that, should they have to face what I do, they wouldn't cope with anywhere near the same amount of good humour and grace. :wink:

    My sulks have passed, I'm nearly back on my usual even keel mainly because it takes up far too much of my limited and precious energy to be so negative. I am feeling better in myself probably thanks to the past 48 hours or so of pure idleness. Sometimes that is all it takes but I acknowldege that I am in the very lucky position of being able to do that.

    Whatever happens during the course of life we all end up the same way, regardless of whether we are royalty, ministers of all types, whizz kids or the more usual unremarkable example of human life. We are each unique and valuable - end of. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Toots
    Toots Member Posts: 483
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I must spend far too much time on the book of face, I keep wanting to click the like button on folks posts! Well said DD, very well said. I'm glad your couple of days have served you well, sometimes everyone needs a time out. Hugs x
    Toots x
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm joining your sulk!! I've been watching the kids play tennis outside and after hearing from my sister about her day out at Alton Towers and going on the new cork screw ride the smiler I feel a little deflated. My OH took me out for the day on Monday of last week to Trentham Gardens & Monkey Forest Don't get me wrong I had a lovely day out bar the showers. I think about my sister full of beans running about going to Alton towers and I think you haven't a clue what it would be like to have that took away from you, you have no idea how I feel. What I wouldn't do to trade places with her for a couple of days so I was Arthritis free! But that's just a pipe dream. Hey ho back to reality! :(
  • elsa56
    elsa56 Member Posts: 98
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yep thats life with OA, I find the worst thing is being unreliable.
    I get asked to babysit the grandchildren and when I say I can't promise because I don't know how I will be on that day, they think I don't want to have them.
    If I'm in pain I don't want kids around me, I know that must sound awful but I can't entertain them, and I don't like them seeing me in agony.
    Gone are the days of going out and playing ball with them and getting on the floor to play with Lego or trains.
    I long for the day to come back when i can walk around a shop, load my trolley up and then carry it to the car.
    You definately are not alone xx
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh you are right elsa56, the unreliable part adds a whole other dimension. I'm like you I don't like visitors when I'm not well and often cancel planned outings. I really don't people realise how severe it is. Putting on a brave face is a poor substitute for being fully present and with energy!
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I suppose I've had years to get used to my unreliability. I've lately said no to a wedding invitation because it's in October, the bride concerned was not happy but I stuck to my guns. Her reasoning was 'You don't know how you'll be,' whereas my reasoning was that, as she was forking out £40 per guest it was best to count both me and 'im indoors out (he didn't want to go any way! :lol: )

    Iam not unreliable but my health makes it so. There's a subtle difference, no? If people don't get it then that's their trouble, not mine. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben