Arthritis and kids?

Katiedaisy

Hi all. Just wondered if anyone else had arthritis and young kids? I've got RA, a two year ld and a 6 month old and waiting for knuckle replacement surgery! Be great to speak to other people sharing similar experiences! I find I never want to tell people I have arthritis so end up going to baby groups and standing up looking really aloof as I struggle to get on the floor, while all the other moms are kneeling down and chatting! And I must look like I really manhandle my baby when I try and pick him up! O yes- I seem to have a permanent builders bum as I can't bend my knees to play with my kids so I bend at the waist wi my xxxx in the air! Ha!.

Toots

Hi Katie!

I'm afraid I can't help answer your questions, but this is such a friendly place I'm sure someone will be along soon who might be able to help. Do you know yet when you're due to have your surgery? Must be really difficult coping with the kids, I hope things get better for you really soon x

ELAINE55555

HI Katiedaisy,
I have RA too, and I am a granny to 2 x 2 year olds and 1 x 6 year old. I have looked after them 1 day a week since birth to let my 2 daughters go to work. I somehow, (dont ask me how) managed to pick them out their cots using my arms (and sometimes my teeth) lol. It is very hard and I take my hat off to any young mum doing it 24/7. I hope someone of your age comes along with whom you can share your experiences.

19smp59

Is the reason you don't tell people because you don't want to seem like someone who moans about their illness? I would mention it just to let people know why you are standing up etc. It doesn't mean you have to be the kind of person who goes on and on about their illness but it will mean people around you will have some understanding of what you are going through and why you find some things difficult.

Suzanne x

gemmapetken

Hi
I have ra in my hands knees and feet and have a cheeky 21 month old running about!
I know what you mean about not saying anything as you don't want the pity or odd looks when you can't do something! Far better to struggle on and hurt later!!! Lol!! Pride eh???!!!
I don't have any advice just make use of the grandparents!!!
Be good to chat to someone else going through this!! Although my cimzia seems to be working! But I do have oa in knees and a coxa vara hip!
Hth
Gxx

Starburst

Hello Katiedaisy,

Welcome to our lovely little corner on the net. Goodness, RA and 2 very little ones, you are my hero! I don't have children but I used to work in childcare and unfortunately, gave it up as my RA got worse.

You didn't say why you are reluctant to tell other people but you might find that people are supportive. I'm sure they don't think badly of you, they probably just think you're a busy mum with 2 little ones. Perhaps chose a particularly friendly looking mum and mention you have RA, I'm sure you'll only get a positive response. You don't have to divulge your whole medical history but just get that weight off your shoulders.

Take care.
Sophie x

barbara12

hello Katie and a warm welcome to the forum
There are a few on here with young children and babies..So hopefully you will be able to chat away...but we are always here if you need to rant or just talk...I can only imagine how hard it is with young children to look after..you take care xx

L1985

Hi hun

I have a 7year old 2year old and currently 8weeks preg. I have lupus. I have found I have had to tell the parents of the children my eldist is friends with so they understand when I don't ask the kids back to play at our house straight away.

Its tough as you don't want sympathy but sometimes I don't want people thinking m weird because I don't do x y and z. I know I'm not weird but you feel it when you don't do the same as other mums

Any time you want tyo chast feel free

Lulu xxxx

stickywicket

I did the two kids plus RA thing many years ago. It was tough :roll: Yes, I terrified my mother-in-law with the way I picked mine up

I do think there's an important difference between moaning about arthritis/touting for sympathy on the one hand and explaining genuine difficulties on the other. The other Mums might think you're a bit aloof if you simply don't join in. If you explain your difficulties (Could you ask for a seat?) I'm sure they'll understand.

lizzieuk1

Hi Katie,
I have a 2 year old and RA so totally understand where u are, having had ra for 10 years but been flaring since son was born its been rather up and down for me.
I have some lovely friends at baby groups and have tended to tell them about my RA rather than hide it - pretty hard when u hobble in! They r very understanding and help with my son if I'm in a bad way, like u I try not to moan all the time but letting them know I'm struggling has meant they can help me and I am so grateful for that.
I def have struggled lifting him and am lucky my mums close by so she has often popped over to get him up and dressed if hubby has left for work, I stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks as I needed my meds and also meant hubby could help out with bottles then relied on steroid injections to help me cope as the mtx stopped working. Am on humira now and improving so hoping its my new wonder drug but too early to say at 7 weeks in. Pm me if u need a chat- when u get a minute!!!

buffycat

hi...i have a 3 and 2 year old.

Getting up and and down isn't easy, and picking them up is near impossible......it can be heart-breaking as my younngest is so clingy too....she loves her cuddles.

i made some amazing friends through the baby groups, and i did tell people. They were sympathetic, but after a time...it is old news to them. I've always found that unless someone has this, then they can never relate. Apart from this forum, and the support of my amazing husband, i suffer in silence.

take care.....and be proud of your builders bum!

x

elanormcadam

Hi, I have RA and a 1 month old. Pregnancy was great and I was stable on oral steroids. The first week after my wee boy was born was great! And then the arthritis came back in full force! Not fun. I'm just working out how to do things now with a newborn. I had ways of coping and doing things before but now it's all new with a little one! Can't imagine having 2 of them! You had your surgery?
Elanorf

dippydoodah

hi. im a young(ish)mum of three boys and i have history of osteo, rheumatoid and fibro. im the same in most ways, i try not to bore people with constant 'im ill' talk as i dont think they want to listen to me moan but the other mums and neighbours do know i am ill. like others have said, its not moaning, just letting them know what you're dealing with and you'll find they'll more than likely understand how hard it must be. i only ever moan to my husband about pain etc and dont moan to school mums but since i started doing less walking, they do notice.

ive found quite novel ways to do things around the house with the boys. i couldnt lift my youngest at all and i havent played on the floor with them in years (im pretty sure i give good builders bum too!) but as theyve grown up knowing mummy has sore bones, they understand. the things you miss, like picking them up, is replaced in other ways. my boys often sit beside me on the couch for cuddles and when im having really bad days, we get the blankets out and have dvd days.

have you had the surgery yet? if so, i do hope it went ok and if not, good luck with it xx

AvadaKedavra

Katiedaisy wrote:

Hi all. Just wondered if anyone else had arthritis and young kids? I've got RA, a two year ld and a 6 month old and waiting for knuckle replacement surgery! Be great to speak to other people sharing similar experiences! I find I never want to tell people I have arthritis so end up going to baby groups and standing up looking really aloof as I struggle to get on the floor, while all the other moms are kneeling down and chatting! And I must look like I really manhandle my baby when I try and pick him up! O yes- I seem to have a permanent builders bum as I can't bend my knees to play with my kids so I bend at the waist wi my xxxx in the air! Ha!

Hello,

I can really relate to you when you don't want to mention your RA. We all have our reasons for this. Mine is because in my experience most people don't know about RA and jump to conclusions which don't do justice to the disease, such as aches and pains etc.

I have a 5 year old girl and 17 month old boy. It can be hard work because of RA, but I hope to find some better treatments in the future to help.

creakycat

Hiya, it's nice to get in touch with other people who have kids! I have psoriatic arthritis and it's been tough to deal with it while trying to look after the kids. Mine are 7 and 5, so they're at school now, but the last few years have been 'interesting!' It's not easy being a mum with a chronic condition. The kids want me to do 'normal' things with them, and I can't as I'm sore, or fatigued, and they do their best to understand, they really do, but it's got to be hard on them too. It's a fine balance between looking after ourselves and the kids too!

dippydoodah

creakycat wrote:

Hiya, it's nice to get in touch with other people who have kids! I have psoriatic arthritis and it's been tough to deal with it while trying to look after the kids. Mine are 7 and 5, so they're at school now, but the last few years have been 'interesting!' It's not easy being a mum with a chronic condition. The kids want me to do 'normal' things with them, and I can't as I'm sore, or fatigued, and they do their best to understand, they really do, but it's got to be hard on them too. It's a fine balance between looking after ourselves and the kids too!

its the hardest thing in the world when your child wants to play or for you to join in. i had a healthy time with my elder two but when my third was born, i had to start watching from the sidelines and it hurt like hell. i just wanted to join in. theyve grown up knowing mummy has sore bones and are very understanding now but its hard watching them play fight with daddy and rough and tumble with him knowing i cant join in. on the plus side they are so gentle with me so as not to hurt me. i get the cuddles and the quiet time, reading their homework books and watching movies which makes up for it. i love our movie days, cuddled under blankets with our teddy hot water bottles and popcorn

tkachev

I had arthritis with my newborn Son. It was just getting sorted with the meds when I had my daughter and spent most of the next 5 months in bed. It was tough and I broke all the rules-my baby had to sleep in my bed because I couldn't stand up to pick her out of the cot and I knew her Dad would have a breakdown :roll: if he was asked to take over this role in the night.

There was a waiting list for playgroup but when they found out about my R.A she got a place. I had a lightweight chicco pushchair-I tested them all out in the shop and knew straight away this was the one for me. I did struggle to make the journey every day though as it seemed a million miles away.

I would let people know that you cannot sit on the floor or run after the children. Somebody might then fetch you a chair so you can sit with them.

Hopefully you have an understanding family who can give you a break or help in the home. I seemed to battle on alone and that was tough.

Elizabeth