a couple of jokes for you

Colin1 Member Posts: 1,769
edited 19. Aug 2013, 05:22 in Community Chit-chat archive
I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered MacDonalds serve breakfast until 11.30.

A scouser on the antiques road show with a very rare vase,Hugh Scully says how did you aquire this wonderful vase,it was handed down to me he says.where from says hugh scully. from an upstairs window said the scouser.

some fella in his place of employment has been attacked by a man all in black he hit him with a set of flaills over the head he kung fu kicked him in the stomach and karate chopped him in the neck, any way he phoned claims direct and told them he"d been ninjed at work.

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Paddy drags a huge metal box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. "Where did you get this from?" asks the expert. "It's been in my loft for 40 years. Think it's an heirloom" says Paddy. "Do you have insurance?" asks the expert. "No, should I?" asks Paddy. "Yeah," says the expert "It's your feckin' water tank."

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, took me 5 hours to get her off the big wheel.

My wife’s been on that banana diet for three weeks now, hasn’t lost much weight but you should see her climb trees


  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,655
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Very good Colin

    For the Mcdonalds one read 'Mum' not wife in this house :roll:
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Colin :lol::lol: Scousers know how to tell um..