Should I feel guilty....

deedeeitsme Member Posts: 321
edited 24. Aug 2013, 11:25 in Community Chit-chat archive
To all grandmas out there. My granddaughter is 14 months old now and from 6 months old I have looked after her for 3 days a week whilst her mum goes to work. I love having her but I'd always told them that I wasn't going to be off work permanently as it was a lot of pressure on my OH as far as finances etc were concerned. Any way, I have started a new part time job this week and, yes, it was all pretty quick. I had the interview Friday and started Monday. This meant I'd have to stop having Mia on the Mondays but could still have her the other 2 days. I contacted my son and he said this was fine and congratulated me on getting the job. He has texted me through the week to ask how I'm going in the new job and how proud he is of me but his partner is the complete opposite. She drops Mia off in the mornings and picks her up in the evenings but not a word about me working or how it's going. I know it was short notice, I was as shocked as anybody to be starting so soon but I didn't expect this from her. She just drops Mia off, kiss goodbye and not a word to me and the same in the evening.
If I'm honest I'm a little bit angry about this. We have done everything to help out, bought nursery furniture for them, new washing machine when they got there house and babysitting and her family don't help out very much at all. I really don't mind helping but a thank you goes a long way. My son is fine with it and even made flapjacks with mia today and bought some down for "mamma". I'm not going to make an issue of it but just needed to get it out :lol:

Sorry for the rant and I'm sure I'm not alone in this situation but I could never be like that with someone that has been there for me but I suppose that's just me.

Thanks for "listening"

Dee xxx


  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Guilty? Crikey girl, not in the slightest. She is obviously upset that you have decided to resume your life at her inconvenience. I say to her tough luck young lady, you've had the help gratis, pro bono, no charge involved, and obviously took it for granted but you know what? Other people have their lives to live and it's not all about you. DD

    PS By the sound of things you've brought your lad up well.
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,646
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    She will jolly well have to get her head around it won't she?

    If you do anything it should only be to ask your son if she is ok, but really I think it will settle down soon.

    The speed with which you started your job has been a shock to her that's all and I am sure it will sort out.

    They are very lucky (as is Mia) to have you two WHOLE days a week :D

    Try not to worry the dust will settle and the main person will not loose out. Mia :D

    I hope you are enjoying your job


    Toni xxx
  • numptynora
    numptynora Member Posts: 782
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh for goodness sake, I'm sorry but it sounds as if someone needs to get her head out of her backside, quick yes, and good for you! In the last few years I've become intolerant of so many things and this is an example of an attitude that rubs me the wrong way. You have no reason to feel guilty, as you said it was temporary so a back up plan should have been made just in case.

    Very sorry, I'm not in the best of moods today, p'raps I shouldn't have come on here today. :(
    Numps x
    Pets come into our lives, and then leave paw-prints on our hearts.
  • deedeeitsme
    deedeeitsme Member Posts: 321
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you ladies for your replies

    DD.....Well you did it again. You really make me smile with your way with words :D and yet again you're right. I would not dream of asking for money but a bunch of flowers or a simple thank you would go a long way.

    Toni...You had the opposite effect :lol: I had a tear in my eye reading your reply. It is Mia that is priority and she will benefit from the 2 days she has with me, we both benefit really, she is a pleasure to have.

    Numpty....Bless you, no need to apologise. She really does need to step back and look at the bigger picture. I think it has done a good thing. She was working full time and Mia came to me 3 days, nursery 1 day and her great grans 1 day so they only saw her from 5 till bedtime at 8 in the week so not much time really. Now she is not going to work the Mondays and Ash (my son) said that she has booked herself and Mia into mother and toddler swimming lessons so they will spend a day of quality time together which can only be good for mum and Mia.

    Thank you so much for replying and I do feel much better about it now. It's been a big wrench for me to let her go 1 day and also starting back to work after over 2 years off but we all get quality time with her now which will only benefit Mia so I'm happy :D

    Dee xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You should certainly not feel guilty, Dee, you should feel proud of yourself. You've done nothing wrong and I hope, in time, for Mia's sake, her Mum will realise that. Just stick to your guns and be nice to her.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hello Dee..
    We have brought up 2 of our GC they are now 15 and 12....its a long we have been there ....dont you dare feel guilty .some of the young ones take it for granted that the Grandparents will mind the children...we now have a 12 months old and my DIL is lovely and caring...I would love to help her and my youngest son out..but they do understand
    You take care .xx