My apologies ...

GraceB

... I have been unable to get onto the Forum very much at all lately.
Where on earth do I start?
My father has had 3 hospital admissions within the last 6 weeks for chest, uti infections and anaemia following several falls. He had a blood transfusion 2 weeks ago of two units of blood. His general health and frailty is causing real concern. We have been trying to get him and my mother (who is also disabled/elderly) moved into supported housing but I suspect that's going to be too late.
My family are all burying their heads in the sand with the exception of my half sister who has been very supportive, as has my partner. Dad needs resi care now - it's too late for anything else. Both he and my mum are now having carers visiting them 3 times a day and it's just not enough any more.
I am currently expecting a phone call to say he's fallen again. He was discharged today and I left him at 3pm ...
My partner had surgery last week for dupetreyns contracture and had to have that done under a general anaesthetic. As he has ME (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) this was unexpected as he'd been told at his pre-op checks that it would be done under a local. Surgeon said no. However, he is making good recovery. But he is unable to do very much so it means that my help has predominantly disappeared.
I've been caught up in a huge debacle here with the Primary Care Trust and their new computer system which impacted on my urgent spinal MRI (clinic appt was 15th Jun) and which the consultant wanted doing within 4 weeks. I had the MRI on 9th Sept (after getting PALS involved and my complaint being escalated to management level) and was meant to go back to clinic to discuss the results 2 wks after that. Initial appt offered was 10th Oct! Can't see that was a 2 week gap myself. When I went back to PALS they've managed to get a follow up appt for 20th Sept. Still not 2 weeks but I've given up. I just cannot chase this any more. This will mean my spinal injections will be some time never I expect.
I'm now only working 2.5 days per week due to my health. My replaced right knee is playing up, my natural left knee is also giving me gyp on a regular basis, my left ankle is chronic. We won't mention the spine!
Apologies for the war n peace above. I hope I've not depressed you too much.
I am hoping that things will settle down soon and I'll be able to get onto the forum at the end of the week/weekends more regularly but in the meantime please forgive me. I fully expect to meet myself coming back the other way. Now, where did I put that broom? Oh yes, it's up ....
Take care everyone
GraceB

dreamdaisy

Oh lordy lordy, that is a bucket-load and a half, I am so very sorry. Doctors trumpet the fact that we are all living longer but sometimes that comes at a huge cost, not only to the individual concerned but also those around them. I hope that things begin to improve for all of you very soon, but especially you and your other half. You need a break, no? DD

stickywicket

I'm sorry you've had so much negative stuff going on, Graceb. No wonder you've not been on the forum. It must all be so debilitating and draining not to mention painful. Aged parents can be a big worry. I hope you het your injections sooner rather than later.

barbara12

Blimey Grace you are being put through the mill, things are hard enough without all of that on your shoulders...I do hope you get those injections very soon...there is not enough help out there for the elderly...not unless you pay...wish I could help more..but you know we are all here for you...talking is good...((((())))xx

Toots

Hi Grace - nice to 'meet' you although as always I wish under better circumstances. You sounds like you've been having way more than your share of hassle, I so hope things start to improve for you soon xxx

GraceB

Thanks for the responses.
Dad is now in a rehab place where they focus on elderly frail people but also those with dementia. Unfortunately when my partner and I went to see him yesterday he was very confused bless him. He thought the NHS had swapped his house for the room he was in, then that his bedroom furniture had been stolen, etc., etc. I really think we're going to get a dementia confirmation here. However, he is in the best place and it's where he needs to be at the moment.
He's had one fall already - this morning. Apparently he lost his balance when he was trying to reach something. Luckily again it was a non injury fall.
My partner and I are going to try for a break at the end of September. Stratford upon Avon is going to be our target area, b&b basis or one of those cheap -advertised on telly hotels - and then combine it with seeing my friends in Cambridgeshire on the way back to Kent. Badly need a break so very much.
I am really blown away by the fact that although I've been AWOL that yet again, my friends on here are so supportive and so very understanding.
Thanks again - you really do not know how much that means to you.
Take care,
GraceB

daffy2

Your father will be confused by the combination of hospital admissions and a new living space. Even if there is a diagnosis of dementia in due course, you may well find that as he settles the confusion becomes less distressing. UTI infections are well known for causing confusion, so it would be worth checking that this is being monitored, as well as his fluid intake, as being even slightly dehydrated increases the risk of falls. Also if he has blood pressure medication this can increase the risk of falls if what he is taking does not suit him. These were all things that caused problems with my mother, but sadly we did not know her difficulties as she didn't tell us('I didn't want to bother you') and we all lived hundreds of miles away so couldn't see her very often.
I do hope that things improve for you, it is a lot to have to deal with. Make the most of your break, fingers (sort of!) crossed for Indian Summer weather.

maria09

My oh my Grace
You are having a rotten time
I've had a few bad years myself with my mums stroke 2 years ago my daughters diagnosis of ulcerative colitis where she was so poorly if she had not gone into hospital she could have died that was scary plus my work and health issues I could go on forever life does throw some c**p at us
This forum helped me through this and I will be eternally grateful to everyone
So I can understand what you are going through
I hope you get away Stratford is lovely, its a long time maybe 20 yrs ago before kids, we really enjoyed chilling out there
I've put an order in for a good week of weather for you
Enjoy the rest
Maria

Toots

Good to hear your Dad will be well looked after Grace, but it still must be a very worrying time.

Would do you good to get away for a while, hope you get your break and thoroughly enjoy it! x

GraceB

Hi,

just to touch base and to say thanks to everyone.

Dad's still at the respite/rehab place. Unfortunately his mobility is declining rapidly and it looks like we are heading to a case conference which will involve the care workers, medical staff, doctors, physios and family to decide what happens next. I suspect (as indeed do all the family) that we will be looking to place him in a residential long-term placement as he is not able to manage independently any longer. Yesterday he was unable to stand; today he was okay to do this.

He is happy where he is and he is being very well looked after. He's been confused on a few occasions and is up and down a bit, but at 88 that's to be expected.

Family members are now accepting of the situation and we all acknowledge that our main aim is to keep him safe. As the rehab place have weekly meetings on Mondays (professionals only - no family allowed) I've prepared some notes and given them to staff today. These include observations from family members, what he's been like when we've been there and what he can/cannot manage independently.

My partner and I are looking forward to our break away and have got our arrangements finalised. My partner John is making good progress following his dupetreyns contracture surgery on 16th August - he has his post-op check on 20th Sept in the afternoon. That's going to be a busy day for us as in the morning I get my spinal MRI results, and John also has more physio in the morning. In addition I am now meeting Hospice Palliative Care Nurses on the Thursday morning at the rehab place to review my dad with them (due to the lung cancer situation) and I have physio on during the afternoon on my back. Once I've been 'good' I then get to meet my friend for a natter and a cuppa which'll be good.

Stop the world - I want to get off!

I will continue to get into the forum whenever I can as I really miss my interaction on the site, it's just finding the physical time to do this. When I sit down and relax I tend to fall asleep when the joints allow me to that is!

Here in Kent at the moment it's tipping down, so very humid as it was 20 degrees centigrade earlier. Very muggy.

Take care everyone,
GraceB

dreamdaisy

Your dad sounds to be in good hands and I hope you will be able to find a good place for him. That is good news about John, I hope your physio goes OK and that you are able to properly relax when you get away: you both need it. Take care and I wish you well. DD

DebbieT

It's all so stressful. I'm glad uve got ure Dad in a good place.
The weather here in Wiltshire is the same, its horrible :?
Continued good luck with everything.

Have a fabulous break.xxx

bubbadog

Your Dad is in the best place as he is unable to care for himself and once you can sit down and talk about getting him into permanent residential care you can feel a weight off your shoulders.
Blimey the 20th September is going to be a busy day for you! With all those appointments in one day you will need a break! Hope everything goes OK for both you & your partner, and you get to have the case conference soon so you can settle your father into a permanent place.