a couple of funnys

Colin1

A woman gets a phone call from her husband's boss at the brewery where he worked. He says "I'm afraid we've found your husband dead in the big lager vat."
Wife asks "Did he die in agony?"
Boss replies "I'm not sure, but we know he climbed out three times to use the toilet!!"

Just been walking past the local Buddhist temple and saw 2 monks struggling to get a statue up the steps, i shouted over,, " do ya need a hand there mate ",, one of the monks shouted back " Its ok mate,, he ain,t heavy,, he,s my budda "

Watched a football match Japan were playing, after the final whistle the Japanese team started doing martial arts.......the I realized they were playing Ninjary time

Batman and Robin have an argument and start fighting. Robin hits Batman with a frying pan and shouts "Slam!!" Batman picks up a large vase, smashes it over Robin's head and shouts "T'Pau." Robin says "Don't you mean Kerpow?" Batman replies"No, I had China in my Hand."

Every time I drink Magners or Bulmers I start swearing.
Must be some kind of Cider Fecks.

I got a kebab out the chipy last night and as I was carrying it home I heard like a virgin touched for the very first time from inside the carrier bag I thought that’s strange but on closer inspection I discovered it was only me donner.

Paddy drags a huge metal box to the Antiques Road show in Dublin. "Where did you get this from?" asks the expert. "It's been in my loft for 40 years. Think it's an heirloom" says Paddy. "Do you have insurance?" asks the expert. "No, should I?" asks Paddy. "Yeah," says the expert "It's your feckin' water tank."
xxx

maria09

barbara12

Hee I had a good laugh there Colin..a good way to start the day...thanks