Didn't see that one coming....

daffy2

... but then my daughter doesn't communicate much with me!
She sent an email to her father and me yesterday to say she's upping sticks in 3 weeks time and moving to the other end(and side) of the country. She's obviously been planning this for some time as she's sorted out what to do about her flat and her horse. I don't expect my children to say close by, and I don't see much of her despite only being about 20 miles away(not from bad feeling I hasten to add it's just the way we, and our lives, are)but as my health problems have increased this year, subconsciously I was glad to have an 'emergency' option available - I will now have to rethink that. I have all sorts of worries about this move of hers, not least the finances, but no information as yet. Don't know what her father thinks, haven't emailed him yet, he might have more info. With everything else that's going on at present I think I'll just have to 'park' this, as there's nothing I can do about it and fretting is definitely not going to improve my health!
Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but I'm feeling quite upset by it; I suppose I should be grateful that in this instance I know about a big change before it has happened - something of a first for her!

stickywicket

daffy2, I always read your posts because they are so perceptive and humorous. You are way overdue one in which you speak seriously of your own concerns so, please, no apology.

Kids, eh? Yes, where shall I start? I love mine dearly. They have always provided me with the best times in my life....and the worst.

I suspect it's the suddenness that's hit you. It's a shock, no doubt about that. I quite understand the thing about not expecting your children to stay close by (My two both legged it to different countries ) but still feeling glad to have 'an emergency option' (great phrase) available.

You are right that there's nothing you can do. Our job as parents is to raise our children to be independent of us so we can hardly complain when we achieve it :roll: She's clearly determined and didn't want to be talked out of it, hence the fait accompli. She has a perfect right to do what she's doing so Far better to support and encourage than to sour the relationship with discouraging words. (Not that I think you would.)

Right now you must have quite a few negative emotions flying about but you will get used to the idea, gradually come to terms with it and, I hope, in time, like me, will have some great holidays at her new place. (Sorry, may I re-phrase that? I've never holidayed at your daughter's house :oops: but I do have lovely ones with both my sons.)

frogmorton

My best friend's Sister does this sort of thing....

she got married and THEN told them

She got pregnant and told them at 5 months

THEN did it again 12 months later......

I can totally understand what a shock kit all is to you and you are a tad worried not only about yourself, but about her too.

At least she did tell you

Love and ((()))

From me (eldest off to University)

Toni xxx

daffy2

Thank you both for your kind words. I'm going to try and get her to come over this weekend so I can hear about the Ride for Life she did on the 1st September(20 miles including 3 gallops at Newmarket, to raise funds for Macmillan cancer charity) and perhaps about this move. Also she has some things of mine on loan which I would rather have back before she disappears! - she won't need them until(if!) she gets settled and probably not even then.
This way of doing things is a trait she and her father share and I've always found it rather hurtful as it implies that I will automatically try and stop them, but in fact that's never been the case. This latest incident has just stirred up some not very happy memories of coping with the fallout from some of their less successful decisions. I think I'll leave this one for her father to deal with - since he left 10 years ago he's been more involved with both our son and daughter, and he's in a much better position to do any travelling that may be necessary.
Toni, as you say at least she told me beforehand , and she did preface her news by saying 'no I'm not pregnant and I'm not getting engaged'. The order made me smile - a reflection of the times!

dreamdaisy

Oh Daffy, I am so sorry, I can grasp why you are so stunned. Sticky said it all so much better than I could (even though I don't have children of either variety). Mr DD tends to do the 'fait accompli' thing from time to time; it's unsettling. ((())) DD

numptynora

Oh dear, I do feel for you daffy, kids eh! at least you're for warned, not much comfort I know but we (parents) have to accept that we will be told as and when!

stickywicket

How's things, daffy?

daffy2

Not too bad at all on the daughter front thank you Sticky.She came over today with her chap(the main reason for this move) and I took them for lunch and a chat.Turns out she had intended telling me sooner but kept wimping out - just because I had given her a key to my front door she got herself all in a guilt twist - and then just adopted the head in the sand approach hoping it would sort itself out somehow.Pressure from the other interested party plus the realisation that she also had to tell her father brought matters to the head that was the email.I still have concerns about the financial practicalities, especially as there is her horse to consider, and she is going to be temping and renting at least to begin with. Push comes to shove she could move in temporarily with her boyfriend possibly so wouldn't be homeless, but that wouldn't work for the horse!

stickywicket

Ah I see. Guilt leading to ostriching. That makes sense. Of course you will still be a bit nattered because that's the bit they don't warn you about before you go about propagating the human race ie there is a small bit of the umbilical chord that remains forever attached. However, as she shares some of her Mum's genes I'm sure she'll cope (though not necessarily in the way her Mum would - That's the scary bit, isn't it?)

As for the horse - no, of course it won't be willing to share its accommodation