So. I'm nearly there.

dreamdaisy

My mum's house is being cleared next Wednesday and Thursday (I sent the keys to the clearers earlier today), Mr DD will be £4200 poorer (but I will be able to repay him), the estate agents are on alert for the keys once they have done and it should be on the market by the end of the month.

I am very sad. DD

tkachev

I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping everything was getting sorted to your satisfaction. Its never an easy time.

I was fortunate in that my Brother bought my Mums property immediately on her death (he was living there at the time). We didn't have the worry of an empty property or a hurried clear out and there were no agents selling fees.

I was never able to go back after her death though mostly because of ill health and also it would never feel the same. He totally transformed it but had to sell although he sold it in 2007 at the height of the property boom.

I drove past it and parked opposite in the Summer hols and honestly I couldn't even look at it even though I had planted a ceonothus in the front garden (when I was well enough to do these things) and would have like to see if it was still there.

Elizabeth

barbara12

DD I do feel for you,my parents lived in rented accommodations but we still had to empty it..so very sad...but at least that was the end of it.
Hope it sells very soon for you xx

villier

((((()))))'s to you, of course it is a sad time for you unfortunately these things have got to be done, once it is all done and dusted you will at least have lovely photos and fond memories.................Marie xx

Boomer13

This sounds like a very sad milestone, DD. Are you managing the stress ok or are you getting extra unfriendly-symptoms?

xxanna

dreamdaisy

Boomer? That's a probable yes but it could equally well be the change in the weather over here. Anyhoo, I am ignoring them, that's my usual approach. I have spent much of the day melting in tears (as well as sweat )

Thank you, everyone, I knew you would understand. The daft thing is, well, I am feeling utterly alone in the world. There was always the three of us in that house, and now there's not (and soon not even the house). Don't get me wrong, I have many good friends and a lovely husband but they all came along long after my life began. Hey-ho. Things will get better but, in my experience of this year, there is still plenty of potential for more 'worst' to come along beforehand.

Thank you. DD

Boomer13

I treasure my times with my mum. As an adult, we developed a strong friendship. It will be double-grief when she is no longer here: I will miss her the person, and grieve for all the time-passed and shared experiences. It's never easy and especially hard on us daughters I think, even if we have wonderful people in our lives now. Anna

daffy2

DD I do feel for you. Dealing with my mother's effects was done in stages as her needs changed, but even so the last clearance was very difficult - partly I think because it brought home just how quickly her dementia had progressed, and also that although she was still alive she was no longer our mother as we had known her - our roles had reversed.
That feeling of being alone is familiar as well; I have 2 sisters but they live in different countries. My father died many years ago and I wasn't close to him anyway, but mum was always there, whizzing round the country visiting friends and family, always happy to chat on the phone. Although she hadn't been able to do that the last 2 years of her life, the realisation that now she really can't do it is taking time to sink in, partly I think because my first grandchild is imminent and I know how much pleasure her grandchildren gave her and how excited she would have been about a great grandchild.
Sorry, this turned into me, me - am feeling a bit fragile -so I'll stop now, this is your spot.

dreamdaisy

There's no reason to apologise, Daffy, and I apologise for triggering that bittersweet mix of happy and sad memories. It's all part of life, no? My Ma drove me round the bend when she was alive - her most common plaint was that 'You are too much like your father!' Hmmm, was that really my fault? :roll: Mr DD assures me that if it had been the other way round he and I would not be wed.

Death is part of life, and I thought I was coping reasonably well, but I reckon there are still some emotional hiccups to come. Probate should be through within three weeks so timing-wise that is pretty good. I understand the fragility, Daffy, so please feel free to PM if you need a friendly ear. DD

daffy2

DD, as always you are a great comfort. You are coping more than reasonably well and I am full of admiration, but you are so right about the emotional hiccups. The difficulty I find is the apparently random nature of some of the triggers, something which seems to be common judging from the posts over the last few months. A trivial comment or item can cause acute distress and yet more obviously emotional happenings arouse simply a passing sadness. In bereavement as in life there is much that individuals have in common but also just as much,if not more, that shows the extent to which we are all different.
I must say I wish I had your legal bods working for me. 11 months down the line and my lot are only just beginning to get the money in, but that's a whole other story.

bubbadog

DD I feel for you at this moment in time, I remember how hard it was to hand over the keys to the estate agent with Dad's house. But the strange thing was when it sold my OH & I felt a relief that it was like a chapter closing and it was time to get on with our lives like Dad would have wanted. We have a memorial bench in our garden (it was Mom & Dad's bench from the house) and I had a plaque done it says 'remembering Mom & Dad' and it's in a quiet part of our garden where we can go and sit. Maybe you could eventually in time do something like that. I'm sending you a (())

dachshund

Hello DD
you take care I hope after all the worry and pain you've had you don't
have after affects from it all.
((((((((((DD)))))))))) thinking about you
joan xx

dreamdaisy

Once again, thank you all for your kind words (and those lovely hugs, Joan, especial thanks to you). I think it is always the little things that prove to be too much; the shock of the bad things temporarily stuns us and so we can muddle through but the little things can turn us completely inside out - and often do.

Yesterday it was one of the last photos of my father, the one that was on his BB and then having to send off the keys that my mum used after his death, remembering how she used to struggle to reach the high lock on the front door, how she could barely see where it was and had to feel for the right key too. Gulp. Last night it was remembering their pride in what they had achieved in life (after very humble beginnings), the fact that my father had to leave school at the age of 14 to go to work to support the family (his father died from the after-effects of a gas attack in the 1stWW), that he was 'volunteered' to fight in the 2nd thus losing the vital years between ages nineteen and twenty-five, that he went to university long after the war and my mum supported him, the struggles they had and their struggles with me but all we got through it. More gulps.

I am sure I will be feeling a little more settled in myself after Thursday is done and dusted. I warn you though - there may be one or two more whines to come. :oops: DD

Megrose489

They're not whines at all, DD, just normal human emotion. I agree about the power of the little things. My parents have been gone for over 30 years, yet all it takes is to hear a song my mother used to sing to feel the grief again. It can catch you unawares. I sometimes think how true is the quotation " To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die". For that reason, I often talk about my parents to my children, who never knew them. Be kind to yourself.

Meg

dreamdaisy

So, they have the keys (the Royal Mail came up trumps with their secure delivery service) and I sent the cheque off today using the same method. The chap who did Ma's garden whilst she was alive (and has continued since her death which has helped the appearance of the house a great deal) rang me today to say that he would pop in on Wednesday and Thursday afternoons to see how things were going. My very helpful cousin has said that she will go round on Friday to clean through and wash floors, just how lucky am I? Mr DD said that we could go down at the weekend and he would do it but my coz said 'no way'.

I am still melting into tears at the slightest thing (so not me) but I realise it's the 'wonderful' combination of stress, grief, pain and the general feeling of being useless which is affecting me in this way. I'm off to the GP tomorrow - it's time for more chemicals. DD

Megrose489

I hope your GP is able to help, DD, and that you soon feel much better.

Meg

stickywicket

I hope the GP can help, DD. Yes, you have had a dreadful year but, chronologically, it's almost over (I believe it started in October?) so I hope very much that it will also soon be over in reality and life will start to improve.

I find it unsurprising that you are surrounded by kind, helpful people in the shape of Mr DD, your cousin and your Mum's neighbour. Good people attract good people.

dreamdaisy

I send my thanks to you both, Megrose and Sticky, you are very kind. This isn't the right forum for this kind of update but, basically, all is well; my GP was lovely, supportive and I have more chemicals plus a future appointment with her. Can't grumble so won't. Simples.

It begins tomorrow. Yikes. Crikey. DD

mig

Mega hugs from all at Mig Manor. Mig

dreamdaisy

Thank you for the hugs from Mig Manor, they are much appreciated. Do you have a moat? DD

mig

No unfortunately no moat or knight in shinning armour but a10 pack of dumpy bottles of lager,two cans of fosters,a Newcastle brown ,bottle of brandy half a bottle of whiskey several bottles of wine oh and some gin that seems to be evaporating,so if there's a threat of invasion I won't care one jot,the parties at mine. Mig

dreamdaisy

I am on my way! DD

barbara12

Oh DD...I am thinking about you and like SW says hopefully when this year ends things will hopefully be a little brighter....(((()))xx

dreamdaisy

Thank you Barbara, this is not an easy day. I am unhappy. DD

villier

Awe DD lets hope this is the end to a horrendous year, no wonder you are feeling so down, sending some more (((())))..............tc.............Marie xx