FUMING.

dreamdaisy

I have to say something and I think this is the only place in which I can say it. I am sorry. :oops:

My late cousin Christopher (the one who died in July due to a massive heart attack), he who played the organ at all family funerals and creamations (including those of his parents, my parents and a memorial service for his nephew whose body has yet to be found), he who was a tad odd but was a genuinely caring bloke (and whose sister Aileen has been helpng me over the past five months) had his ashes scattered by the crem staff. His surviving two brothers and one sister didn't wish to attend. Neither did his son.

I am disgusted. And very angry. I feel that someone should have been there - surely it's the last thing can be done for the departed. OK, I know that they won't know but . . . . . that is not the point. DD

kentishlady

Hello DD. I can well understand how angry and upset you feel about this and share your views. A great shame that none of his immediate relatives felt able to make the effort to attend.

Beryl

ouchpotato

That's very sad DD, I would be upset too. It's that final goodbye isn't it? I have no words of wisdom but just wanted to say I also share your thoughts on it.

x

tkachev

Oh no how sad. Why on earth didn't they feel the need to attend and say a final goodbye?
failing that they could have taken his ashes home and scattered them somewhere meaningful and of his choosing.(not saying the crematorium isn't meaningful but they might know of a more appropriate place).

Elizabeth

villier

That is very sad DD I can see why you are angry, when my father died we as a family made the effort to go to my fathers funeral, none of us had seen him for years as he hadn't been the best father which I wont go into, I am so glad we did for my mums sake, try and not let it upset you you have enough to contend with at the moment.............Marie xx

dibdab

That's really sad DD, families are funny things aren't they? No wonder you feel cross.
Deb

dreamdaisy

Thank you, I appreicate your kind words and thoughts. I am still angry. I will contact the crem, discover where he has been scattered and arrange for some flowers to be left in the vicinity. He was always at odds with his siblings - he was on the Asperger's spectrum but undiagnosed - and there was some ill-will when their mother died because she specified that a flat should be bought for him, thus his siblings each lost part of their inheritance. All three were very unhappy about that. They should get it back (plus some extra) now, maybe that will soften their hearts. They are not a sentimental bunch but even my aunt (his mum's youngest sister) wasn't told when it was happening so she could go - she missed his funeral because she was away on holiday, that would at least been a chance for her to say her final goodbyes.

Ain't life strange? DD

barbara12

Its so sad DD and a sorry state of affairs when they cant attend for an hour or so at the most to say there last goodbyes...no wonder you are fuming..x

hileena111

Hi DD
That is so sad.........how little time out of their lives it would have taken
to go and say good bye.
I can feel how angry you are

Sending you ((()))

Love
hileena

maria09

Hi
Oh DD that is so sad
Just remember he knows you care and would have been there if you could
(((( ))))
Maria

dachshund

Hello DD
they might regret it one day you know you did your best.
try not too worry.
take care
joan xx

Toots

I'm so sorry Daisy. Even if they hadn't wanted to attend, it wouldn't have taken much trouble to contact others in the family and give them the opportunity Maybe once you've spoken to the crem staff you'll get some peace of mind. Whilst they weren't family, I'd like to think they would show utmost respect while scattering ashes and it may be comforting for you to know that they were there to say goodbye. x

Starburst

Oh that's so sad. I'm not surprised you're angry. Everyone deserves someone to say goodbye and how horrible that others were not even given that opportunity. Leaving flowers is a nice thought. My grandpa's sister didn't bother to come back from her holiday home abroad for her only brother's funeral. She is a multi millionaire (no exaggeration) and in good health, so there was no reason not to. There's nowt such strange as folk! x

mike26

very sad dreamdasiy
you would think you could put your differancis behind you aspecily at a
family members funeral ,mabe time will make them think i wish i would have been there to pay final respects.
RIP.
mike26

daffy2

That is sad DD, and so unnecessary as well. A big advantage of cremation is that the ashes are easy to keep until arrangements can be made for the final scattering, resting place, whatever. Transport is easier as well - my mother's ashes were sent down from Scotland to the funeral director in Cumbria when we had finally sorted out a date for interment with my father's remains - my sister listed it as 'travel expenses' on the claim for repayment! ( She was unable to attend so couldn't bring them herself)

dreamdaisy

My thanks again to you all, I am calmer now but I will arrange for some flowers to be left, and I'll send them from me and my late parents. They had a great deal to do with Chris when he was a young lad (they lived in a self-contained flat in his mum's house) and they were the ones who spent much time with him after his next brother was born a mere eleven months after Chris (yes, you can get pregnant whilst breastfeeding). It was my dad who taught him to read music and play the piano, and Chris was the last person in the family to see my dad alive, he visited Pa a few hours before he died. They talked about music as was their wont. DD

stickywicket

((((()))))

applerose

No wonder you are upset DD. Even if they didn't get on, they should have attended. Glad you have calmed down a bit. I know he knew you cared.