worn out

[Deleted User]

I guess every single member on this forum knows this feeling: to be totally worn out. So very exhausted that the next step seems impossible to make. A simple phonecall is too much and the demands of mundane live become ultimate obstacles. The feeling of being unable to cope anymore. The wish to hide and stop the wheels for a while to have time to get back on the track. I'm sure you all know this. The moment when nothing goes anymore and life is simply much too much.

marrianne

Caliban ,Yes its a familiar story here ,but you know with rest and a bit of time to spoil yourself a bit it will pass ,Tucked up in bed tv .books ..couple of cats bad food (as apposed to healthy ) seems to get me through the worst ,tiredness is bad but accompnied with pain is a lot worse so hope its not to bad for you today and a goodnights sleep will put you right this time (((((())))))))) hugs Marrianne

frogmorton

Oh dear Caliban

Some strength and a cuppa coming your way

Love

Toni xx

numptynora

Oh Caliban, I'm so sorry to hear you feel like this. Is there anyone you can phone and have a moan to? I have a friend who listens to me bleat on about how unfair life is, and she will ring me too for the same thing, I hasten to add that's not the only reason we are friends.

Try and give yourself some TLC, I hope you have a good night and tomorrow is a better day for you xx

dreamdaisy

Give in and give up (but, please, only briefly). You have much to give, much to offer, much to teach, but there are times when we all need to stop the fight. We know how tough things can be. End of. We're here. DD

mig

Sending you lots of spoons.(the spoon theory ). Mig

barbara12

I agree with DD give up only briefly then come back fighting...sending you some extra strength..xx

villier

Yup! caliban we sure do know what it's like a few more spoons coming your way............Marie x

stickywicket

Oh Caliban, that does sound horribly familiar. I've only just found this thread so I hope today has dawned better as it sometimes can. You are not alone. We do understand. And care.

I send a few more ((())) to go with everyone else's. Now, in your own time, pick up the lovely Abelard and Eloise and start to put one foot in front of the other again. We will be cheering you on.

[Deleted User]

Hey- a lot of thanks to you all! I was sure you would understand the situation. This 2 months non-stop flare seems to go away. But it leaves me totally knackered. And I simply can't rest. Impossible. And it is impossible not to rest. The side-effects of the flare are less of a physical nature- it's all the rest. Of course there is more than a disease to it. There is a life to be organized and somehow to be mastered. That's where it gets difficult. And at times impossible. As right now. And the consequences are not nice. I don't answer the phone anymore, since I simply can't handle a single extra demand. Yes, I think I simply will shut down totally and to hell with the consequences.
I don't know if this is to be considered a "rant". I would like to think not. It's simply meant as the description of a situation. No, there is no one I could just phone, numptynora. Hereabouts I'm the only one with this kind of problem. They'd say: Oh- fine, you seem to have less pain. So now you should be able to go on as usual. I don't know how you did it, DD, when you were still active and self-employed. But it is quite scary if you have no income for two or three months. Well- and all the rest. Health insurance, paperwork and the other side-effects. As no possibility to get a bank-loan because of your health problems. Etc...
Well- a very warm thank you all again, indeed! It helps to know that people understand the way it unfortunately is!
Thank you SW! Amazing enough I could leave my two lovers at home. As I said above: physically better though totally exhausted. The rest.....
(Spoons taken with gratitude! )

dreamdaisy

I was fortunate with my self-employment - I was a specialist tutor for dyslexics so it was more mental effort than physical. When I began I was a mobile tutor, I would drive here, there and everywhere, but as the arthritis began to bite I worked from home. Then as it bit further I reduced the lesson times from one hour to fifty minutes. Then it bit too much so I stopped. The decline was steady and I fought it for as long as I could, I began in 1995, the arthritis began in '97 and I stopped in 2012. My ex-clents are nagging me to re-start but I can no longer concentrate, I find it hard to hold my focus for any time, I am in too much physical discomfort. If I dope myself up to feel less pain then I'm fit for nowt! I am very fortunate in that my husband is healthy and has a good job - he is learning to support me in the manner to which I feel I should be.

We all hit low spots, Caliban, and we know how tough things can be. I am thinking of you and I hope things are beginning to ease. DD

[Deleted User]

So I definitely need a spouse with a good job!
Well, I read your story and it is not so very much different here. But it's getting existential. I can relate to the concentration problems, but those started with the strokes. First I couldn't have a conversation with more than one person at a time. That became better eventually though I hardly can concentrate on a group of people especially indoors. Plus I find it more and more difficult to switch languages as easy as before. (I use three languages in my day-to-day routine) I always had AS, though it was not diagnosed until recently. The worst flare yet stayed for more than four months and led to the diagnosis. This one lasts for more than two months now and I'm really so worn out that I hardly can think. Somehow I managed to finish the season more or less comme il faut. And now I need a break badly. But as I said- cannot really be done. It's all such a schlepp...I reckon I have to re-organise everything. Somehow.
It is so vulgar and superficial to say , but in the end it's mainly a money thing. I would never have thought this.

dreamdaisy

That's neither vulgar nor superficial. Money is an essential part of life, it's only when one is facing the total lack of it that we realise how essential - and when that is brought about by losing our health it makes it so much harder. Your health situation is unique on here - the majority of us are coping with arthritis and arthritis-related issues but you are dealing with so much more. Having to tailor our lives to the demands of the dross is far from acceptable but necessary. You have overcome so much, you have prevailed once and can do so again. Take a break from the fight to refresh and recharge those flagging batteries. DD

mike26

sorry to hear your arthritis is wearing you down and hope the worn out feeling soon passes.
on the money front could you apply for PIP ,you may apply whether your working or not. based on mobility and everyday activites.
its worth trying.
good luck mike26 :roll: :roll:

[Deleted User]

Yes, DD, in a way I'm used to be a "warrior" and of course I know from experience that usually the tide changes one day or another. But it is really very, very difficult to constantly adapt your life to a changing health situation. That is in itself down-wearing. Especially when all you need is a bit of stability. I have to face another difficult situation tomorrow and I can't say how to cope with that. In fact it's getting worse by the minute.
Mike: I think by PIP you talk about some kind of financial public support ? Well, I don't think that does exist where I live. Not as long as you are not officially considered handicapped. I never applied for that status since I always tried to avoid any help. I will have to attack the necessary forms as soon as I feel up to it. The whole process will take at least 6-8 months. Plus the fact of being self employed does not help. One is considered well off and of course cheating taxes, when self employed. Gosh- I'm so fed up! Yes- flagging batteries. I like the picture.

Numptydumpty

Sorry, I've only just seen this thread. I'm sorry things are so horrid for you at the moment. Of course it won't last for ever, but it might well feel as though it will.
They say the best things in life are free, unfortunately you need money to live to enjoy those things.
I do hope things improve for you very soon. Keep your pecker up.
Numpty

[Deleted User]

Thank you numpty. It's very psychological, though. It takes a lot to simply move on. And it is very helpful to be on this forum right now. I don't talk in real life.

Numptydumpty

The forum is a godsend for many of us. It's much easier to "talk" to virtual friends, especially when said friends know exactly where you're coming from.

[Deleted User]

Well, they don't know EXACTLY where I'm coming from. But I think I got your meaning. Yes, it helps

stickywicket

caliban wrote:

Well, they don't know EXACTLY where I'm coming from.

OH YES WE DO

No, you're right, caliban, but somewhere like this provides a kind of safe space. The anonymity of strangers can prove easier to deal with than close friends and neighbour who think they know us.

[Deleted User]

I'm not So sure If I have any friends anymore. Not "really" .

stickywicket

Well, you've got us. It's different for sure but it's still friendship and it still works.

[Deleted User]

You are absolutely right. And now I'll drive "home " to the cat. Home may be home for Not much longer. But I hope the cat will be. She's 18. Bye and good night. I'm off into the wilderness. Thank you!

Numptydumpty

Suffering is suffering. If it helps to "talk", and it's undoubtedly easier to talk to people on the forum than to real people for a lot of us, for varying reasons, that's not a bad thing. There's always someone here to listen and offer support, sympathise, empathise, cajole, encourage or advise. You are one of those people.

stickywicket

Hello caliban. I hope you and the cat had a good night.

[Deleted User]

Good morning Mrs. SW. Thank you for asking. The night was ok. It's this day that scares me a bit. I hope your night was fine as well!