Family Thinking

elainebadknee

Hi All

My brother and his girlfriend go on a cruise soon the transatlantic type - sorry but cruises just don't appeal to me one bit but heyho!...Anyhow as they will be away for over 3 weeks and her mum has dementia but lives in supported housing, they have asked my mum and dad to go and do the mother's shopping for her. Okay you might say but we live in Cumbria, the mother lives in Maryhill, Glasgow - see how my thinking is going?
Well thing is there is 3 sons all grown up and one calls in most days as his g/f lives in that part of Glasgow, the other is unemployed and lost his licence due to being over limit, other one works as a security guard...Now to my thinking even the one who is unemployed could get a train in and as where his granny lives there is an asda literally mins away that would make more sense to me....But no, its my mum and dad who themselves struggle with mobility too? I can see it unfolding too that the umemployed one will want his shopping done as my brother and his gf currently do this every weekend for him too, I also foresee the youngest asking mum and dad to take him into to see his gf...
I don't know how some people think sometimes, honestly...

Elainexx

stickywicket

This seems, on the surface, a very odd request. I don't understand why your Mum & Dad have been asked, Elaine, but, assuming they are compos mentis themselves, I guess it's up to them to decide whether or not they want to do this. If they don't, no-one could accuse them of being unreasonable given the distance.

As for speculation about how the other brothers might wish to take advantage of them - again your parents can say no. If you feel they are not up to making these decisions for themselves then I guess your only option is to tell your brother you feel he and his girlfriend should find someone else to do the shopping.

villier

That's ludicrous Elaine, your parents are needing to politely tell them where to go and one of the sons WILL HAVE to do the shopping for her or the daughter pay for a home help too do it...............Marie xx

Megrose489

I can't believe they've asked your mum and dad to do this, Elaine. Maybe they believe that they won't refuse and the sons won't have to do anything. Perhaps they think that your parents are more reliable than their sons. How on earth are they going to be able to do the shopping? Drive into Glasgow every few days? Of course, it's got to be your mum and dad's decision, but I know what I would advise my own parents to do - especially considering your parents' problems with mobility.

Meg

barbara12

Sorry but I would say I cant do this please ask one of the sons..would say please but that is me being polite..your mum and dad have enough on...

bubbadog

Families hey! We have a similar thing with my in-law side of the family that makes my blood boil. It's so wrong to ask two elderly, bad mobility people to go and do extra shopping! One of the son's must surely be able to do the shopping and take it over or even do the shopping online and be over at their mothers the day it's delivered to visit her and sort the shopping. It's killing 2 birds with one stone!! They must feel it's wrong what they have asked.
It's so wrong to ask older unstable parents, to be a taxi service or do your shopping! Don't they realise this? Doesn't it register in their brain there are other ways of getting to somewhere like public transport or that public transport takes you right outside of supermarkets these days. It's just being damn lazy! And the worst think that gets me super mad is when younger relatives ask their older parents/grand parents for money!!

elainebadknee

Sticky

I know my mum and dad can refuse but the woman is quite fond of my dad especially think its cos she has no husband anymore and it reminds her of male company...I just can't see why one of the sons can't do it, makes more sense but then again the one who has just left school got taken there everyday there and back right until he left and it is a 20mile round trip!

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Marie

She has home helps but she refuses to do certain things for them, one being shower, just thought of that? I would not say yes if it were me.

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Meg

Think you have hit the nail on the head..I mean even though my dad grew up in Maryhill he himself has said he won;t be able to find the place where g/f's mum lives on his own....The boys are just heart lazy, sorry but they are, they could do so much more and havent...

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Barbara

I would have said "oh can;t the boys get a train in"? Its just plain silly and mum and dad been up and down road enough recently.

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Bubba

That's exactly what should happen, online shopping and as youngest son has g/f in same area he could do the shopping for the duration....Its just something that beggars belief...But then again we were supposed to go on holiday with the lady who has dementia and none of us thought she was able to go, it eventually got too complicated but basically we would all have ended up babysitting her whilst my brother's g/f "got a break" as this happened on a family holiday before...
Thanks for you post...I like your thinking on quite a lot of posts!

Elainexx

stickywicket

elainebadknee wrote:

Sticky

I know my mum and dad can refuse but the woman is quite fond of my dad especially think its cos she has no husband anymore and it reminds her of male company.

That's still no reason for them not to refuse if they don't want to do it. I think with aged parents, as with children, we have to support their decisions whether or not we agree with them.

elainebadknee

Sticky

Its more they are doing it cos my brother has asked and he seems to think of them both in the same way strangely as he keeps asking them to go on holidays with them and the mum, but last time they did that dad had to get up with her, make her breakfast, and stay with her till they got up around midday...

Elainexx

numptynora

I really don't understand why people can be so thoughtless, as you are so concerned (and rightly so) about what your parents are being asked to do, could you not put your five eggs in and ask why the shopping can't be done on line, your parents might be grateful to have someone standing up for them?

elainebadknee

Numpty

Its strange because when I try to bring up things regarding my brother's gf and her family its not taken but if other members of family who said they had to virtually babysit g/f's mother on one holiday, then its accepted a bit more....I do feel my brother's g/f plays on it a bit, yes her mum has dementia but she still lives in sheltered housing and its a strange relationship she and her mum have, there is no affection there, never has been and she is an only child....Plus I do feel her boys should and could do more, lots more but they don't...Its always "poor g/f" but she is off sick just now as had gall bladder removed 2 months ago, however she has been to 2 concerts and is going on a transatlantic cruise soon??

Elainexx

numptynora

Whoopy doo, been to a concert and then on to a cruise, luck poor girl!!

I'm sure the cruise will recuperate her, she wont need to lift a finger, perhaps it will give her time to think about other people while she does nothing. If she goes through the Bay of Biscay the sea is usually rough there and at this time of year it's not forgiving...lol



sorry, couldn't help it

elainebadknee

Numpty

She will have been to two concerts before the cruise...She is always ill but never ill enough to stop necking vodka, eat sensation crisps by the bucket load and she is the only person I know who peels mushrooms!!!??? Life's too short!

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Update

Sense has prevailed! My dad had a terrible attack of bursitis on tuesday night he had to eat his tea stood up then was nearly sick and had cold sweats, pain for over 2 hours, wouldn't let us call a doctor....Texted brother and his g/f....Now they have decided they don;t need my folks to help her mum, surprise, surprise the sons are pulling together...should have been first thought, better late than never!

Elainexx

numptynora

It sounds as it it's resolved, I'm pleased, lets hope your parents aren't called on again to carry out a task that her own family can easily do themselves.