Really struggling at the moment....

Sezeelson

Where to start..?
It's been a horrible start to a new year and still see no end to it all. I'm in a bit of financial difficulty, no money to feed myself as I've given the dogs my food as their food delivery is late. I've had a big fall out with my mother, our relationship is irreparable now. I'm in the middle of my DLA renewal which I really just want to throw in the bin and suddenly become well enough that I don't even need it! I can't face going outside anymore, i can't stay awake, I don't know if it's my depression or something physical? I was given sleeping pills but they don't work so I'm going to stop them incase they are contributing to my low mood. I've had headaches for nearly 2 weeks now.

Today my sister and her boyfriend had a big argument... Because of me. We live together and she is the only one who actually does for me some of the stuff I need and will keep the house clean around me and prepare my injection etc. They also have a baby together. He said some very nasty things so not only am now feeling incredibly xxxx about myself, I'm also feeling incredibly guilty because of my sister getting flack because of me.

Only thing keeping me going at the moment is my dogs, I'd be so lost without them

Edited to remove swearing
Mod YEH

Starburst

Oh Sez, firstly big hugs to you! I'm sorry things have been so rough. I'm worried that you have no money to feed yourself. How long has this been going on for? Do you have someone who can help you out? A few pounds will ensure some bread and a few other bits. Failing that, can you access a food bank? Lack of food will make you feel weak and miserable, not something you need on top of everything else.

I know DLA forms are tough but take it bit by bit, I don't mind helping you word things if you want help. I am a student social worker, so quite used to doing this sort of thing, as well as doing my own, of course.

Sorry to be incredibly nosy, feel free not to answer - do mind if I ask if you work or receive benefits? There may be options for you financially, although I appreciate things seem overwhelming. It sounds stressful to know someone is arguing because of you but you know, I bet you would do the same for her if roles were reversed. Please don't feel any more guilt on top of what is already going on.

Hang in there, we are all here for you,
Sophie x

Sezeelson

Thank you Sophie!

I could feel myself slipping and tried really hard to keep on top of my emotions and everything and feel like the carpets been whipped out from under my feet.

I've not been out of money too long. Basically, I'm emotionally unstable which gets exaggerated when I'm experiencing stress. I become impulsive, I stop driving my car because I don't trust myself and I end up spending excessive amounts on money so it's my own stupid fault. I can't possibly ask for financial help when I've just frittered what money I did have away on... Well nothing I am on benefits and my sister is really supportive. I have about £12 so I'm going to buy some ingredients so I can make some batches of food.

I've been referred back to my mental health team to review my medicine and give councilling. I really need to sort out my finances, I've been looking for a prepaid card so I can give myself an 'allowance' but they all cost a certain % or yearly fee.

I guess I just need to keep in control until I get my appointment and see what can be done to help.

barbara12

oh Lovey..what a rotten time you are having..and what a lovely sister you have..you will feel guilty but I am sure your sister wouldn't have it any other way...maybe her boyfriend said thing in the heat of the moment..do you think it would help if you talked to him.
Has for the food..I know its easy top say but you must put yourself first..but yet I think how lovely that you care so much for your dogs and I am sure I would do the same..
I hope you can get help with the DLA forms...cab are very good..do you have a nurse for your depression maybe she could help...you might feel a little better now you are talking to us...dont forget we are always here...sorry I'm not much help...(((()))xx

Starburst

Sez, I also have a history of mental health problems, so I understand how difficult it is to keep on top of spiralling emotions. Does anything help you when you're in that place? I've always found that writing (poems, stories or a diary) or listening to happy music is a good distraction. I hope the referral back to the MH team helps you, I originally resisted cognitive behavioural therapy but I've since gone back and had CBT, it really helped me move forward.

Prepaid card sounds like a plan, can you chat to your bank and get the best possible deal? Also, excel spread sheets helped me control manic spending when I was having a high episode. Are you on any meds? While I don't think psychiatric medication is the be all and end all, I do think it has a role in emotional regulation.

I'm here if you want to talk to someone who understands, feel free to PM me.

barbara12

Just popping in to leave some hugs and hope today is a better one for you..(((()))xx

Sezeelson

Hi guys!

Well, at the time of my first post I was feeling completely lost and terribly unwell. I've since realised why. I've been taking Codeine for over 3 years now to deal with the pain I'm in, this habit slowly increased over time without me realising it.

A week ago, I stopped taking it completely as I just ran out and didn't buy more. I'm going through withdrawals, I'm ashamed to admit it really. I'm not proud of it at all but at least now I'm heading in the right direction.

My dogs are keeping me on track and I'm being supported by my sisters after telling them what has been going on. My mental health has been on a steady decline over the past year and I believe it's because of my addiction.

I'm on citalopram 40mg which is under review with the MH team, I'm hoping to be offered CBT as I feel I could really benefit from this.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep focused on the future and not being dependant on anything. It's just round the corner and I'm not giving up now, my body goes through enough stress without me chucking extra pills down my throat.

marrianne

Hi Sez ,not posted before ,I am just reading back ,You do sound more positive today ,Yes pills are definately not always the answer ,guess you talk to G/P ...I know we shouldnt dicker around with our meds but I DO LOADS sb/io though I know its not really recomended we know our own bodies .keep posting so we know you are still copeing better sorry about the ((domestic situation and the finances to ,Things will get better nothing stays the same thats for sure positive hugs for you (((())))Marrianne

Sezeelson

marrianne wrote:

Hi Sez ,not posted before ,I am just reading back ,You do sound more positive today ,Yes pills are definately not always the answer ,guess you talk to G/P ...I know we shouldnt dicker around with our meds but I DO LOADS sb/io though I know its not really recomended we know our own bodies .keep posting so we know you are still copeing better sorry about the ((domestic situation and the finances to ,Things will get better nothing stays the same thats for sure positive hugs for you (((())))Marrianne

Thank you so much and a big welcome

I'm getting on top of my finances as this is probably the most important thing to me right now. I need to be able to afford food and to care for my dogs but right now I feel as though I've got everything under control

It's a very difficult thing to know what to do about in regards to the tablets. I'm in agony and I need something to dull it down, it did get to the point were I couldn't physically or emotionally function without codeine and this is when I felt enough was enough and need to find an alternative way to manage my pain.

I feel like I've put my body through hell! I've started supplements to help detox my liver and help my body repair itself. My sisters have been really supportive about everything, offering to take my dogs out, making me food etc. Which has been a huge help! I do feel really rubbish today and my legs are really achy but I'm keeping focused on my goals and taking each day as it comes! I will get myself through this and out the other side