Losing Mum

jenzie06 Member Posts: 708
edited 5. Mar 2014, 06:16 in Community Chit-chat archive
Over the past 3 years I have asked for positive thoughts and prayers for mum while she battles cancer.
Well she has come to the end of her journey. She's currently in the local hospice and being kept as comfortable as possible. She can no longer absorb any nutrients as the cancer has stopped her bowel from working.
I am 22wks pregnant and my little sister is 15wks pregnant. I'm having another boy and mum and dad actually came to the 20wks scan so she has seen him. She had hoped to meet the babies but it's not going to happen.
My older sister and I are having to prepare the grandchildren to lose their beloved Grandma. I don't know what to say to Harry. He is only 3 and a half so a lot is going to go over his head. He usually sees her everyday as we live over the road.
My husband is due to go on holiday for a week this Saturday and I'm totally confused about whether he should go or not. Mum wants him to and might still be here when he gets back. But she might not be. He wants to go and says he can be back in 12hrs if necessary and its unlikely he'll be able to go next year because of me coping with the children. I have the support in place if he does go but part of me feels that these are going to be the worst few weeks of my life and I could do with the support and I shouldn't have to ask him not to go, he should offer. I don't know what to do.

I wanted to say thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers you have sent to mum. We just hope now for a peaceful passing. My heart is absolutely broken.


  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm so sorry about your mum
    I don't think your husband should go on holiday without you at this time. :?
    OK your mum might or might not be here when he comes back but regardless of that its You I'm thinking about. You will need his support one way or the other :o
    Sorry its not really my place to say that but felt I had to since you posted
    Hileena xxx
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I read your post with great sadness ,sadness that you are losing a much loved mum when there are two new babies to join the family but at least she has seen their scan pictures and sadness that your husband would even think of going on holiday when you obviously need him ,try and persuade him to stay home.Sending hugs. Mig
  • RosieGlow
    RosieGlow Member Posts: 175
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am so sorry for the heartbreak and pain you are suffering, losing your beloved Mum. Surround yourself with those who love you, and allow your emotions full rein.

    With regards to your little boy, don`t overload him with too much information. Just answer any questions he may have, in an age appropriate way.

    You are obviously very hurt by your husbands actions, and sadly whether he goes or stays, you will always remember that he said "he wants to go".

    I wish you the strength to get through this awful time......Rosie.x.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Jen my heart goes out to you, its many years since I lost my parents from cancer..there were no hospices when I lost my mum but my dad went into one and I thanked god ...they were brilliant with him then a few years ago my brother was looked after by them
    Its must be doubly hard you and your sister being pregnant..I just wish I could come and give you an hug...you take care of yourself through all of this hard I know but your mum would want you to..many gentle hugs for you you and your sister...((((()))) xx
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm so sorry for what you are having to go through at the moment, it must be doubly hard what with your hormones being all over the place with your pregnancy & your sisters. I don't know what to say about your OH and him going on holiday. It's his decision, but going away when your wife needs you most, it should be a no brainier. I just want to send both your sister and yourself (())'s at this most heartbreaking time.
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,778
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Jenzie
    I remember when you had Harry. please take care I don't know what to say about your OH. thinking of you.
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Jen, my heart goes out to you and your family. Very sad anyway but must be so emotional given that both you and your sister are pregnant.

    Sending love and peaceful vibes to your mum, I'm sure she is being treated with the utmost love, respect and care. You know where we are if you need anything, yes? xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm so sorry about your Mum, jenzie. She has struggled for a long time to stay with you, hasn't she?

    As for your husband and his holiday, that is for you and he to decide. Only you two knowthe full story. If your Mum feels he should go that should be taken into account andmif you want him to stay just ask. It's really not for us to judge.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Jenzie so sorry to hear about your mum, I hope for your sake your husband will change his mind as Sticky said who are we to judge (((()))) xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Jen
    Just want to leave some hugs for you and your sister and..and hope your mum is comfortable...(((()))xx
  • jenzie06
    jenzie06 Member Posts: 708
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for your replies.
    The hospice doctors have been working their magic and they arranged for a scan for my sister and my mum managed to go too! So she got to see the baby and they think they've identified the sex of the baby so she knows. The sonographer went crazy with the photos too. We were all worried it would flatten mum but she was really really determined and she made it (then slept for ages!). When she got back to her room and into bed she burst into tears as she was so happy, then promptly fell asleep. They are keeping her comfortable and everyone is so lovely.
    Both sisters and I have had time on our own with her and said all that needs to be said.
    With regards to my OH we had a long chat and are really strong as a couple. I was so confused about what I wanted, I did want him to go but also didn't, poor bloke didn't know what to do. So he's booked a flight back after a couple of days, then he still gets a bit of holiday but I still get the support. He is in constant contact too.
    Harry is coping well, a lot going over his head. It was awful telling him as he became extremely distressed but he quickly stopped. He's said a few things since which makes me think he is thinking about it a bit. I have spent time talking to various people and they have family support workers at the hospice who have been helpful. My older nephews are finding it all a bit difficult but we are a close family and they will be fine.
    Right, off to bed, better take the laptop off the baby as it's protesting (he's kicking the laptop).
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,016
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My Dear Jen

    I am so very sad to read your news.

    What a fantastic place that hospice is being able to do such a special thing for your Mum (and sister too).

    I know what you mean about needing your husband with you, but knowing they must do other things too. Mine was actually in France when Lucy was diagnosed with leukaemia in January. :roll: I have a teeny feeling he'll be back in time to support you too yours.

    As for Harry I think you have done enough. He is now prepared as best he can be for what is to come. Living over the road he will no doubt see your Dad every day as he grows up, which will help your Dad so so much.

    I might not be able to get on here every day myself at the moment, but I hope you know you and your family are in my thoughts.

    All my love and of course the forum (((())))

    Toni xxxx
  • Cariad71
    Cariad71 Member Posts: 99
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    I'm new to the forum so you don't know me but just wanted to say my heart absolutely goes out to you. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, especially with you and your sister being pregnant. Im always mindful that things can get so much worse than they are and one of the things that always keeps me going is knowing I have my mum as she lost hers young and its one of my biggest fears.

    Sorry I can't say anything to help, just know that people's thoughts and prayers are with you even if they don't know you xxx
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello again Jen
    Sorry I meant to ask about Harry on my last post..bless I remember well him being born... :D how lovely that your mum got to the scan...its must have meant so much to all of you..
    I'm glad your mum is comfortable, and sleeping is a godsend ..you take care of yourself through all this, and glad your hubby will be with you some of the time..((((())))xx