Grief.

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dreamdaisy
dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
edited 20. Apr 2014, 13:04 in Living with Arthritis archive
I thought, that because the calendar year was done and dusted on 10.04.14, my first year of being an orphan was complete; Bank Holidays, Christmas, New Year, birthdays etc. all done and dusted. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, well, 'D'uh'. :| I forgot the moveable feast of Easter.

I can still see Ma standing in the porch, waving us goodbye on the Easter Monday, remembering that my husband was very grumpy because she had sent us home with a food parcel of things we didn't eat but she wanted us not to worry about food.

I miss you, mummy. I never thought I would but, oh boy, I miss you. x
Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben

Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    My mum has been gone for 22 years I miss her as much now as I did then.
    Hugs Mig
  • Francie7532
    Francie7532 Member Posts: 40
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I am already missing my mother and she is still with us. I think that as we age we lose a bit of ourselves every day. My mother is 75 and not the woman she used to be. I am already mourning the loss of who she was. I spend as much time with her as I can and I enjoy every moment of her wisdom and caring self. I cry when I think of losing her. You know your mother (and she knows you) better and longer than most everyone else. My heart goes out to you all!! :)
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Awww yes DD the pain gets easier but the memory's can still be hard...my mum has been gone for 31 years now...but today I was thinking how we always had to have something new to wear for Easter.. :) and we had very little money ..but she always made sure, even if it was only new socks...bless her xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Take care of yourself, DD. Your happy memories are to be cherished. It sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your mum.

    I'm sending you virtual flowers :)
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'm not a techie, but here goes;

    http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/flowers/068.gif
  • mike26
    mike26 Member Posts: 416
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    The precious memories we hold stay with us dd
    and there are so many .
    its good to remember times we shared .
    best wishes mike..
  • ruby2
    ruby2 Member Posts: 423
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Don't like Easter ....My dad my best friend died at Easter.....could not believe how many 'Happy Easter' cards I received that year !!!! (and still do despite me never sending an Easter card in 19 years) My mum went 6 years later.
    Mum and Dad shared birthday weeks and anniversary weeks which is unbelievable..the first anniversaries of all hit me like a tonne of bricks ...its hard at first and emotional in many ways forever on these significant days. Some years we laugh cheer celebrate...some years I lie low and wish, hope, cry & plan.
    Our Grandsons remind us and let us know things continue and that is lovely.
    Ruby
  • DebbieT
    DebbieT Member Posts: 1,033
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    As you know I'm still in the 'firsts' from losing Dad & yesterday (Friday) I was on the phone to Mum for 2 hours, which is ridiculous wen we live on opposite sides of the same river ( :roll: ). I blurted out that I've been finding things harder as time goes by wen I expected it to become a little easier to bare but Mum has been feeling the same way it turns out :cry::(

    I'm so sorry DD ((((Hugs)))) I can't imagine the pain ure in mate.

    Xxx xxX
    Healing Hugs
    Debbie.x
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Yes, certain occasions can rear up the memories but as time goes on it does get a bit easier, I lost my mum 13 years ago on the 23rd March just before mothers day. I do understand how you feel sending some of these (((())))....................Marie xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi DD
    My heart goes out to you........I've still got my mam but she is 91....all the marbles are still there but mobility wise she hardly gets out of her house.
    I live in the North East of England and she lives in Northern Ireland so I don't see her as often as I would like to.....things are so different now.....even telephone calls are short ones because she is quite deaf. :cry:
    You look after yourself and be good to yourself during this time
    Love
    Hileena
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thank you, everyone, I appreciate all your messages and memories. Khalil Gibran put it beautifully - the deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain - but the carving is awful. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Sarah01
    Sarah01 Member Posts: 192
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    As Marie says certain occasions can bring back memories. My mother is still alive, however we haven't spoken for 4 years. Not for lack of trying on my part, sometimes parents grow apart from their children and to this day I still can't fathom why. I don't even think she knows I've had a THR.

    I lost my beloved gran 9 years ago, she was like another mother to me. She helped me through the bad times when I was growing up. She passed away after getting a chest infection after having her appendix removed at 86. My gran was a big tennis fan and her favourite player was Roger Federer. I went to see her in hospital on the Friday and she told me to tell her if he wins the Wimbledon final on Sunday. I never got the chance to tell her as she passed away early hours of Saturday morning. I miss her so much. She never got to meet my husband, she would have loved him. I always believe that she is looking down on me and the family.

    They say time heals everything, but I will never get over losing my gran. It still hurts 9 years on.

    Sarah x
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,026
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello DD
    I know how you feel. I would love to give my mum a hug I would like to tell her I still love her and thank her for all the hard work it took to bring us up.
    our mum's been dead over 50 years we were 21 then she had cancer.
    take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    DD, As you know I had a truly awful year last year and - like you - I am finding it very difficult at times. People tell you to remember the good bits but it's not as easy as that, is it?
    One minute I am okay - the next I am in bits. There's no trigger sometimes for the change, it just happens.
    I think all you can do is to give yourself the time and space that you know, deep inside of you, that you need.
    People keep telling me "I am doing well, it will get better, I am always so positive". What they don't see is is the internal effort on my part to 'become' that person if that makes sense? Not only are we dealing with physical pain on a daily basis, but also the mental effort of maintaining that facade. It's hard, hard work.
    I do not have the right words to give you; truthfully I don't think anyone ever does.
    You just take care of yourself and if you need 'time-out' take it. No-one will (or should!) mind if they love you for you and if they respect you for being you.
    Take care,
    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    It's hard isn't it DD, I do sympathise.
    It occurred to me the other day that the hurt from the death of my mum has similarities with the hurt from arthritis. There is the ongoing, everyday hurt with occasional tweaks and then there is the sudden, 'stops you in your tracks' hurt. Easter has brought on one of the latter as my mother was devoted to the Church and so Easter was a big thing for her. I didn't share her devotion, but choosing a suitable card for her and talking about the music associated with the various days(whether on the radio or church services) has now become a memory not a reality, like so many other things.
  • bridesmum
    bridesmum Member Posts: 181
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I lost my dad 32 year's ago when I was 22 and my sister was only 8. My biggest regret is that my husband and children never knew him. I see my husband with our grandson and think how wonderful my dad would have been as a grandpa.my thoughts are with you DD.
    Debxx
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh Daffy you're so right that's exactly how I feel,you just stop suddenly and realise again she's not there ,it's like a punch in the guts.Mig
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hey DD, it is super hard when it comes to different times of year, my OH & I where just discussing his brother & Sister in law they go to the cemetery on Christmas day & Easter Sunday to put flowers down on her parents graves and our Parent plaques. That's fine with them but we don't want to do that. We have our bench in our garden that has a plaque dedicated to Mom & Dad and we can sit and think about them whenever we want. We all deal with loss in our own ways, it doesn't mean it hurt any different. I send you a (()) and take care.
  • beckie89
    beckie89 Member Posts: 46
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    DD I know how you feel, grief sucks, and especially at certain times of year. My Mum passed away 6 years ago this year, and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

    Festive times of year are always so difficult, I also lost my Nan just under 2 weeks ago, so I've got the whole emotion of a funeral to go through on Thursday :(

    I think a positive thing to remember is that you've got loads of great friends on here that you can talk to and will always take time to listen!(and send hugs!!)

    Bex x
    <3 *Beckie* <3
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    'Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom' Rumi

    But then you knew that already. ((()))
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh my word. I am staggered by all of your responses and thoughts; I posted because I was overwhelmed by emotion but of course I am not the first to feel this way and won't be the last. It appears that my post has given some of you the opportunity to remember (and share those memories); I hope that each and every one has found a degree of comfort in reading all the replies, I know I have.

    Thank you, my cyber friends, where would I be without you? DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Firsts are hard but subsequent events can be hard when memories pop up. I lost my best friend in one of the most tragic ways possible, not the same I know, but I find the thump of grief hits me when I'm least expecting it. I always say; let it be, feel the pain and it immense sharpness does slowly pass. It is a process and I believe that in many cases, we never get over losing people we love but we learn to live with the loss.

    Thinking of you. x