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Helpful people

stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
edited 1. May 2014, 07:07 in Living with Arthritis archive
Don't you sometimes wish, rather ungratefully, that they weren't :oops:

My sister offered to help me to hang out my washing. Of course she was quicker than me so I still had an armful when she was finished. She began putting her remaining pegs on the line 'for me'. I find it much easier to get them out of the peg bag as that involves less gripping and tugging but it was a kind thought so I simply thanked her. Next time I looked round she was systematically removing pegs from the bag and putting them on the line.

“Oh don't do that” I said. “It's actually easier for me to get them out of the bag than off the line.”

“I was only trying to help.” she grumbled and walked back into the house.

Why don't people just ask what's best rather than assume they know :roll:
“There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken

Comments

  • appleroseapplerose Posts: 3,619
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know what you mean. It's a bit like when someone bangs you on the back when you cough and you end up trying to cough and fight them off at the same time. Twice as much work. It's not the same but all I can think of at the moment is when my sister tried to help by suggesting I wear flat shoes for my niece's wedding, despite my telling her loads of times that I can only walk about 3 steps in 'normal' flat shoes. She just didn't understand that I need different things to her and different help. And she's never asked.
    Christine
  • Boomer13Boomer13 Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes Sticky. Things often end up being easier if I do them myself in my own slow, clumsy way. For example, my OH (who I have no business being at all critical of :oops: as he is wonderful, mostly). He will help me and then something I need will be missing and put away in the wrong place or on a high shelf. Him being 6'5", all things seem to gravitate to high places in our house which means I have to laboriously get something to stand on, use some spoons looking for it, and risk falling by climbing around when I should not be. A lid or tap will be screwed on so tight that it is impossible for me to open again. I can't do anything but smile in a forced way or else I will be told I am ungrateful. All very small things until you are arthritic.

    Sadly, I could go on and on....
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Anna, I am blessed with a man who rarely puts anything away until asked for the 6th time :lol: Seriously, I have, over the years, re-arranged the entire house so that all the stuff I'm likely to need when he's not around is at my very limited access level. If there's no room for all then something has to go. The last time I climbed anything was a 10-pack of beer to get into my son's jeep.

    I have been given a fantastic, never fails, jar opener by a friend who has hands as bad as mine. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Power-opener-Handy-around-wrench/dp/B00FYTGUZQ/ref=pd_sim_sbs_kh_12?ie=UTF8&refRID=05VRTMFGZQ0NNBVWD7G4 Even when Mr SW has been at them, or even when they still have the airlock on this works.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • Boomer13Boomer13 Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Sticky, I'm going to get one of those and I think one of those long grabber thingys. I've resisted so far, but I think now I'm over that silliness.
    The last time I climbed anything was a 10-pack of beer to get into my son's jeep.

    :lol:

    Now I know what to use for my step stool when it goes missing :)
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Boomer13 wrote:
    Thanks Sticky, I'm going to get one of those and I think one of those long grabber thingys. I've resisted so far, but I think now I'm over that silliness.

    I resisted all aids-for-the-disabled for years in an attempt to convince myself I wasn't disabled :roll: Now I have a much easier life :D
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,777
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We all have our own ways of doing things and I am still learning..but I can imagine what its like to be told how to do things after all that time of having RA...I love my grabbers and have one in most rooms and one outside ...much easier than going to look for them...
    Love
    Barbara
  • As5567As5567 Posts: 665
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The worst for me is when somebody attempts to tidy up my "mess" which is infact a highly though out plan of where to put things I need i.e where I store certain tablets such as pain killers so I have ease of access should I need a top up in the middle of the night!
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh yes! And that's a heartfelt one :lol:

    My beloved of 40+ years also helped by putting out the washing yesterday. When I came to take it in I couldn't reach half of it. He'd raised the line "because things were trailing". No. Not if you put the long things at the ends and the short ones in the middle :roll:

    I admit the line is very low - it has to be as so am I :lol: and we do remove it when entertaining friends in the garden as occasionally people have come close to decapitation :oops: but......
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • NumptydumptyNumptydumpty Posts: 6,494
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My sister in law came to see me yesterday, before she left she used my downstairs cloakroom, she very "helpfully" turned the hot tap off, tightly! I now have to wash my hands in cold water until someone else visits :roll:
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    They mean well, that's all one can say. I guess it's the difference between living an arthritic and non-arthritic life, we have to plan ahead whereas they don't - they have the dull experience of being able what to do when they want and how they want, where's the challenge in that? :lol: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • villiervillier Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    After my Trapeziectomy staying with my sister for Christmas she offered to 'do' my hair on Christmas day as we were going out for dinner. Having alopecia I know how to dress my hair to hide the thin areas, bless he,r she did her best. I felt a tad uncomfortable all day :? yes you can feel ungrateful at times :roll: xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My sister in law came to see me yesterday, before she left she used my downstairs cloakroom, she very "helpfully" turned the hot tap off, tightly! I now have to wash my hands in cold water until someone else visits :roll:

    Oh Taps :mrgreen: Mine have all long since been changed to the lever types which no-one can put beyond my control but at friends' houses and in public loos I often have to enlist help.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • NumptydumptyNumptydumpty Posts: 6,494
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Aah lever taps, I've been gradually changing mine, just haven't got to the downstairs cloakroom yet :roll:
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So glad it's not just me who feels this. I thought it was because I am still adjusting to limitations and finding ways that work for me. My hubby is great but I did get annoyed when he put the duvet cover on inside out last time he changed the bed and I slso get frustrated when he does the jobs I can manage.
    I love my grabber and also have one of those little fold up tables which I find useful, although as it's a bit "nursing home" to look at I plan to bling it up soon.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My husband is great too, slosh, but they do need reminding from time to time :wink: It's hard to strike a balance between keeping them informed and not nagging. I'm still working on it :lol:
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Glad to hear it's not just me/him. I only got my diagnosis last July and had surgery in February so I guess we're both still adjusting. On the positive (?) side he has finally accepted that this isn't just going to go away.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The one thing I have learned over the years, Slosh (great name by the way!) is not to get bothered by the stuff which in the grand scheme of things does not matter. Yes, I would find the inside-out-duvet cover irksome (how the heck did he manage that? :? ) but I would tell myself that at least he changed the bed this saving me a great deal of effort.

    Arthritis not only affects us, it affects everyone around us. Family and friends often don't (or maybe can't) grasp the effects it has. Have you googled The Spoon Theory or There's a Gorilla in my House? If not please do, they both give good explanations of what it's like to live with a long-term chronic condition. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Trouble is I am still at the stage of getting frustrated with my limitations and don't like the fact that I have to ask him to do things like that for me. I know that's my problem and I am getting better but it's still hard and goes against the grain, my Mum always said I was too independent and this shows how right she was.
    As for the name "Slosh" it was my Dad's nickname for me from when I was a young child, I did once ask him why he called me that but there was no real reason. It does not (unfortunately) reflect my drinking habits, I did used to like the odd G and T or gkass or wine, or 2, but meds have put an end to that.

    I do know the spoon theory, my daughter told me about it and I think it's great. I'm planning a piece of art work on it and have decided thst when I return to school to use it for an assembly as we have a number of children with various health problems and disabilites and in my "other life" I am an Inclusion Manager and so responsible for planning provision for puoils with SEN, health problems and disabilities - spot the irony!
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,968 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I don't think there's any irony, slosh. In fact I think it's great that you will have an insight that others can't have.

    It sounds like a really interesting piece of artwork. Any chance of us having a photo of it on the forum? On Chit Chat Toady has put up a thread about how to post pics but I confess I haven't looked into it much as I reckon it'd take too much time for a non-techy like me to learn :roll:

    I don't think being independent is a bad thing at all for someone with arthritis. In fact I think it's very good. However, I do get the 'frustrated with my limitations' thing. I guess we all have to adapt and survive. I still find it frustrating when I have to let Mr SW do jobs and he does them in ways which are, to my way of thinking, all wrong. However, as DD says, the point is that he's doing them, bless him, and our marriage is of more importance than doing stuff my way. (ie the right way :wink: )
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The art work is in the planning stage but I will post a picture once it's finished. I agree with not always liking the way my hubby does things but as your daughter says at least he does them!
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
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