RA and Blokeworld

stickywicket

Newbies often tell us that their family and friends 'don't get it' and we refer them to the Spoon Theory and There's a Gorilla in my House? Room?. But we do emphasis that, with the best will in the world, they probably never will.

My lovely (and I do mean it) Mr SW has lived with my RA for 46 years. Today, I am having a 'post-meth' day ie I'm tired and achey and none of my joints work with their usual majestic ease I told him this early on. So far he has:

1. Offered to do the washing up then forgotten.

2. Helpfully come out with an armful of washing when I was putting the rest on the line. He then left me to deal with enough socks to dress a centipede, surely the longest, most tiring part of the pegging out process. (Even if you only do as I then did and throw them over a clothes horse.)

3. Dropped some slippery paper on the floor and just walked away from it.

4. Left the plastic watering can on top of the grill (“I haven't finished with it yet.”)

5. Got out two polo neck shirts that it's been far too hot to wear for ages and just left them as ornaments on the chest of drawers.

At least tonight's meal will be easy. We had a friend over last night and there are plenty of rather nice leftovers.

I have a cuppa and, as soon as there's a bit of shade on the patio, I'll be out there with my paper (watching him mow the lawn ) Mind you, I much prefer a bloke who is blissfully oblivious to a 'helpful' woman who never stops trying to take over my every task.

dreamdaisy

Ah, marriage, what an institution (and it's one that occasionally threatens to put us in one ). I was told at 12.15 that the remnants of my last night's curry would be imminently reheated so I could dine. At 2.15 I went out to the kitchen to do it for myself; as soon as he heard the various clatterings there was an immediate vocal protest from upstairs - I said I'd do it! - to which I replied yes, but that was two hours ago. He'd been 'playing' with his new computer. He came down and did it for me so I could return to watch the tennis.

Blokes. I love 'em, I really do. I enjoy their company, admire their physical strength, their humour and complete inability to focus on anything else apart from what they are doing. He knows he will be cooking tonight and has only just removed some chicken from the freezer. A later dinner is on the cards, methinks. I agree though, oblivious is far better than over-zealous help. DD

Boomer13

Sticky, I'm starting to believe that early selective hearing afflicts male spouses of those with chronic illness.

Your post was tonic to me because, even though I've been flaring for 2 months now, it's as if Mr. B hardly notices. It's fine mostly, but does make me feel invisible at times. Plus, it's tedious having to say that you can't do something or other, time and time again.

Lately, he's reminding me daily about my brother's visit in a couple of weeks and the state of the house. Thank you, Mr. B!

mig

I wondered if in a household where the male is afflicted the same thing applies then dismissed that thought called myself a dozy wassok and went back to washing up. Mig

trepolpen

have you montioned Respite care to him , just think sending him away to for respite would help you , know its normaly the other way around but he does not need to know that

stickywicket

I see I've touched a few, raw marital nerves here

Mig - yup, dozy wassock, indeed.

Boomer - I find the constant rehearsal of my limitations one of the most annoying and debilitating factors of RA.

Trepolpen, respite care is a great idea and it's noble of you, being of the male persuasion, to suggest it. He actually used to go for a fortnight's walking holiday every summer, with like-minded (and, indeed, like-bodied) souls. Despite my protests, he insisted my sister came over to 'mind' me. Those were the two weeks that made me realise how lucky I was to be heterosexual. I might long for a little more thoughtfulness but having someone leap to my assistance with every task is far more tedious. I know I am ungrateful but at least his approach assures my continuing independence.

And, yes, DD. Blokes are far more fun and interesting than women. isn't life complicated :?

villier

As I don't have RA or a husband, I must be sorted, any disasters there is only me to blame unfortunately :shock: x

barbara12

SW ..the male species are so different ..I have a good one a keeper I think after nearly 45 years :shock: ..but only 5 years of OA.so he is still learning..but you are telling me they don't get any better....he does try bless him..and I have learned to keep quiet and finish the jobs when he is out...well sometimes ...hope tomorrow is a better day for you ((()))xx

DebbieT

Oh SW ure hilarious

Us married folks all, in one way or another, seem to end up with the most annoying of happy mediums .... Love um or loathe um from one minute to the next, we wouldn't be without them

Xxx xxX

Scarlet

Ah this post made me chuckle. I've recently moved in with my boyfriend after five years of being together, you'd think that'd be long enough to get to know someone, but apparently not! Oh boy have we had teething problems. I am a bit of a 'neat freak'...a place for everything and everything in its place. Unfortunately Mr S doesn't subscribe to this theory :x He seems to think the floor is a suitable storage space for everything :roll:

stickywicket

barbara12 wrote:

I have learned to keep quiet and finish the jobs when he is out.

Welcome to my world, Barbara

Boomer13

stickywicket wrote:

barbara12 wrote:

I have learned to keep quiet and finish the jobs when he is out.

Welcome to my world, Barbara

It's sad that this becomes the easier solution....



A few truisms I have noticed from observing planet Blokeworld:

A problem not seen is not a problem.

Why think ahead?

Something requires much less work when your wife does it.

Why do something now when I can do it later?

Starburst

Before I opened the thread I thought Blokeworld was a theme park for men. Alas, this thread enlightened me.

dreamdaisy

Oh Sophie! Thank you for the giggle you supplied, I have been low on giggles today and that one was a tonic. Designing a 'Blokeworld' theme park is straightforward methinks: comfy chairs, sports channels on various tellies showing various sports, beer, more beer, shapely waitresses and more shapely waitresses, crisps, dips and nuts, the continual availability of roast dinners (no matter what the time of day), more beer, a tool corner with the latest in cordless things, more shapely waitresses and a number of strategically placed BBQs. Job done. DD

PS To all our lovely AC blokes this is meant to be light-hearted, not a summation of your good selves.

mig

8)

Boomer13

dreamdaisy wrote:

PS To all our lovely AC blokes this is meant to be light-hearted, not a summation of your good selves.

Absolutely, do not mean to be offensive.

After my recent thread, obviously I can't live without mine. He does lots of really great things but that doesn't mean I don't still expect perfection I am a woman, after all.

stickywicket

dreamdaisy wrote:

Oh Sophie! Thank you for the giggle you supplied, I have been low on giggles today and that one was a tonic. Designing a 'Blokeworld' theme park is straightforward methinks: comfy chairs, sports channels on various tellies showing various sports, beer, more beer, shapely waitresses and more shapely waitresses, crisps, dips and nuts, the continual availability of roast dinners (no matter what the time of day), more beer, a tool corner with the latest in cordless things, more shapely waitresses and a number of strategically placed BBQs. Job done. DD

PS To all our lovely AC blokes this is meant to be light-hearted, not a summation of your good selves.

I think mine would also require an old car to tinker with and crawl underneath when he's got new clothes on :roll: Although, given the abundance of beer and waitresses - maybe not