Loo-king for inspiration

stickywicket

I am flushed with pride/ My (very well) hidden talents have finally been recognised and I have been invited to perform the Grand Opening Ceremony on our friends' new downstairs loo.

The honour falls to me because I've been unable to access their upstairs one for months, ever since they bought a newer, fractionally thicker stairs carpet and no amount of tugging, yanking or shoving on Mr SW's part could persuade my legs to stretch the extra fraction. We discovered this after I'd drunk two glasses of champagne to celebrate their daughter landing a new job and ended up with me sitting on the step next to the bottom and Mr SW lifting me bodily up, one step at a time. (I was only halfway when our hosts came out of the kitchen to investigate the unseemly laughter.) Never again! It was a hair-raising trip in the days when I didSince then, when visiting them, I've simply had to monitor my liquid intake fastidiously and cross my legs (and fingers) every time. However, now it's all about to change. I have been invited to declare their new downstairs loo open.

What an honour! What a dilemma! What does one do (Steady :oops: )? What does one say? What (small) gift should I bring as an offering to my Deliverer? I rely on your suggestions, good people.

The grand ceremony will take place on Tuesday evening when I shall finally accept their initial offer of a cuppa, have wine with my meal and unlimited coffee afterwards. As the Python team's 'Four Yorkshiremen' would say "Luxury. Pure luxury."

mig

Air fresher. Mig

Slosh

What about a crinoline lady toilet paper holder?

villier

You can get nice embossed toilet paper with gold crowns on it , you could be queen of the thrones!! only a hundred and fifty quid a roll :shock: xx

barbara12

Maybe a plaque..with SWC on..how brilliant , bet you are looking forward to going now, to the house I mean I love the crinoline toilet roll holder used to have one :oops: xx

prefabkid47

Oh dear SW
Can't really ask you to carry out the grand opening of our new loo,having had just the downstairs one,have now had one installed upstairs.
(with 2 loos we now mix in more posher circles.......... 8)
Ron

dreamdaisy

a. Scissors to cut the ribbon which should be placed over the seat, under the lid.

b. Anti-bac wipes (just to make a point).

c. A stentorian bellow of 'I declare this lavatory OPEN!'

d. A box of matches (isn't that an American solution to a possibly oderous situation?)

DD

jen9432

Here's a toast for the ceremonial "flush".

I toast to you my porcelain friend
without which there would be no end
to my painful wanderings to relieve my bladder
I can now drink, drink, drink, like a mad hatter!!

Numptydumpty

You could smash a bottle of Harpic over it, "I name this ship..." ( yes I did say "ship" )
Numpty

stickywicket

Brilliant, all of you. I think arthritis and inventiveness must go together. However, I've decided on a simple solution that will be appreciated by one and all. A bottle of something nice will find its way into the loo eventually :oops: meanwhile we'll all have had fun

dreamdaisy

So are you Queen of the Cloakroom? Are you flushed with success or down the pan in despair? Please update - I for one am very keen to know :oops: because I am very fond of matters both lavatorial and scatalogical. :oops: DD

stickywicket

It was wonderful! They are old friends but, even before the new, thick stair carpet, I had to confine myself to one visit to the throne room as the journey upstairs was too scary to be repeated.

Yesterday I had a big mug of tea before setting off. They brought out some prize-winning champagne from their friends' vineyard in France, I had wine with the meal and lovely coffee afterwards.

I can't lock the new loo but so what? I can rarely lock them. I showed my appreciation by using it - twice - and Mr SW's only contribution was to haul me off their sofa each time. All in all, a very successful day

barbara12

Brilliant can just see you on the loo with the bottle ..you can now look forward to more visits..

mig

ooh Barbara closed my eyes and pictured Sticky on the loo swigging from a bottle Mig

stickywicket

Steady ladies, steady! It's wonderful to know what a high opinion you all have of me

dreamdaisy

It would save Mr SW having to haul you off the sofa. You could dine in there too; the image of you seated, knickers down, munching and swigging is priceless! DD

stickywicket

:shock: Would you please put my knickers back on right now :oops:

tkachev

Have you not seen the cricket stumps loo roll holder? Everytime I see it advertised I think of you!


Elizabeth

Slosh

You can also get a toliet brush and holder that look like a large bottle of wine

mig

Move over Sticky laughed so much I need to pee ,oops too late should've used the tena lady :oops: Mig