Loo-king for inspiration

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stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
edited 25. Jun 2014, 17:04 in Community Chit-chat archive
I am flushed with pride/ My (very well) hidden talents have finally been recognised and I have been invited to perform the Grand Opening Ceremony on our friends' new downstairs loo.

The honour falls to me because I've been unable to access their upstairs one for months, ever since they bought a newer, fractionally thicker stairs carpet and no amount of tugging, yanking or shoving on Mr SW's part could persuade my legs to stretch the extra fraction. We discovered this after I'd drunk two glasses of champagne to celebrate their daughter landing a new job and ended up with me sitting on the step next to the bottom and Mr SW lifting me bodily up, one step at a time. (I was only halfway when our hosts came out of the kitchen to investigate the unseemly laughter.) Never again! It was a hair-raising trip in the days when I didSince then, when visiting them, I've simply had to monitor my liquid intake fastidiously and cross my legs (and fingers) every time. However, now it's all about to change. I have been invited to declare their new downstairs loo open.

What an honour! What a dilemma! What does one do (Steady :oops: )? What does one say? What (small) gift should I bring as an offering to my Deliverer? I rely on your suggestions, good people.

The grand ceremony will take place on Tuesday evening when I shall finally accept their initial offer of a cuppa, have wine with my meal and unlimited coffee afterwards. As the Python team's 'Four Yorkshiremen' would say "Luxury. Pure luxury." :D:D:D
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Air fresher. Mig
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    What about a crinoline lady toilet paper holder?
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You can get nice embossed toilet paper with gold crowns on it , you could be queen of the thrones!! :D only a hundred and fifty quid a roll :shock: :lol: xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Maybe a plaque..with SWC on..how brilliant , bet you are looking forward to going now, to the house I mean :lol: I love the crinoline toilet roll holder used to have one :oops: xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh dear SW
    Can't really ask you to carry out the grand opening of our new loo,having had just the downstairs one,have now had one installed upstairs.
    (with 2 loos we now mix in more posher circles.......... 8)
    Ron
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    a. Scissors to cut the ribbon which should be placed over the seat, under the lid.

    b. Anti-bac wipes (just to make a point).

    c. A stentorian bellow of 'I declare this lavatory OPEN!'

    d. A box of matches (isn't that an American solution to a possibly oderous situation?)

    DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • jen9432
    jen9432 Bots Posts: 37
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Here's a toast for the ceremonial "flush".

    I toast to you my porcelain friend
    without which there would be no end
    to my painful wanderings to relieve my bladder
    I can now drink, drink, drink, like a mad hatter!!

    :lol::lol::lol:
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You could smash a bottle of Harpic over it, "I name this ship..." ( yes I did say "ship" )
    Numpty
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :D:D:D Brilliant, all of you. I think arthritis and inventiveness must go together. However, I've decided on a simple solution that will be appreciated by one and all. A bottle of something nice will find its way into the loo eventually :oops: meanwhile we'll all have had fun :wink:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    So are you Queen of the Cloakroom? Are you flushed with success or down the pan in despair? Please update - I for one am very keen to know :oops: because I am very fond of matters both lavatorial and scatalogical. :oops: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    It was wonderful! They are old friends but, even before the new, thick stair carpet, I had to confine myself to one visit to the throne room as the journey upstairs was too scary to be repeated.

    Yesterday I had a big mug of tea before setting off. They brought out some prize-winning champagne from their friends' vineyard in France, I had wine with the meal and lovely coffee afterwards.

    I can't lock the new loo but so what? I can rarely lock them. I showed my appreciation by using it - twice - and Mr SW's only contribution was to haul me off their sofa each time. All in all, a very successful day :D
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Brilliant :D can just see you on the loo with the bottle :lol: ..you can now look forward to more visits..
    Love
    Barbara
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    ooh Barbara closed my eyes and pictured Sticky on the loo swigging from a bottle :o:lol::lol::lol: Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Steady ladies, steady! It's wonderful to know what a high opinion you all have of me :lol:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    It would save Mr SW having to haul you off the sofa. :wink: You could dine in there too; the image of you seated, knickers down, munching and swigging is priceless! :lol: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,731
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :shock: Would you please put my knickers back on right now :oops:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Have you not seen the cricket stumps loo roll holder? Everytime I see it advertised I think of you!


    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    You can also get a toliet brush and holder that look like a large bottle of wine
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Move over Sticky laughed so much I need to pee ,oops too late should've used the tena lady :oops: Mig