For My Son

Philippa1961 Member Posts: 38
edited 1. Jul 2014, 16:33 in Community Chit-chat archive
This was the first poem I wrote after I found my son. I was bullied and lied into surrendering him despite being capable of raising him and had a job as my parents didn't want the 'shame' of being a single mother.

For My Son

A tiny boy born on a summer's day,
Too young to know the sun's bright ray,
Too young to know his first mother's love,
Too young to know his second mother's need.

The years go flying by to fast,
He's growing into a fine young man,
Loving his mother and his family,
Wondering about his first mother.

One day he is old enough to search,
In his heart he needs to know her,
The truth he needs to know now,
Of why she let him go his other mother.

Five years later his mother finds him,
His questions he can now ask her,
To get to know his roots at last,
From his first mother who loves him.


  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Despite my not being a mother I can feel the hurt and pain involved on both sides due to your words. :(

    I don't know how to reply but am I right in understanding that you have found each other? I hope so. DD
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 27,485
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    Thank you for letting us read your poem.

    So very sad for both of you.

    It's a good thing that babies aren't taken from their Mums anymore just because they are young or unmarried. The stigma, though possibly still there a bit has eased.

    I hope you have been able to have time together you and your son.

    love and ((()))

    Toni xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,708
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How are things now, Phillipa? Have you two been reunited or is it just wishful thinking? I do hope so.
  • Philippa1961
    Philippa1961 Member Posts: 38
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes I found him in 2004.

    I was coerced into surrendering him in 1981 when I was 19 despite being capable of raising emotionally and financially as I had a job. Basically I didn't know my rights, didn't see the paperwork, didn't sign anything and never agreed to being adopted. I didn't even know I couldn't consent to surrender until he was 6 weeks old.

    Anyway when to cut a long story short my son found my family in 1999 after turning 18 years old. For the next 5 years my family kept up the lies as to why he was adopted and told him they didn't know where I was. My not only later rejected him for the second time in 2001 she sent him a letter telling him to accept I didn't want to be found which she knew was a lie.

    I found my son on Genes Reunited as my husband and I joined as we thought it would be interesting and fun to trace our family trees. It has been an interesting hobby. My son had already joined and put in basic information but had put in the wrong place of birth as he thought she had been born in Essex. My sister had been born in Wales. I sent a cautious email telling him that the one bit of information was wrong.

    He responded very quickly asking me if I was whom he thought I was and that was the start of reunion. As you can imagine he was angry that my family lied to him about why he was adopted, lied about not knowing where I was and for not telling they had contact.

    It took me time to forgive my family but had to for my own sanity. My son did eventually move in with us for 2 1/2 years which gave us more time to get to know each other. He moved out in 2009 and our relationship has been strained as he has issues with being adopters. My son also blames his adopters, me and my husband for every thing that has gone wrong in his life and won't acknowledge his own mistakes projecting them on to us.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,708
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It took me time to forgive my family but had to for my own sanity.

    This is the sentence that really stands out for me, Philippa. It speaks volumes of your character and sheer common sense. You are so right. Clinging on to bitterness destroys us from within. Being able to forgive starts the healing process. But that was a very tough call and must have taken a mammoth effort on your part.

    I hope, in time, your son can learn from his mother's example and will be able to forgive both real and perceived errors. He will need time. It must be hard to deal with so many lies, not knowing who to trust. We don't get to choose our origins but are all, ultimately, responsible for our own destinies. You have shown him the way forward and I hope, for both your sakes, he will take it.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,258
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Philippa
    And thankyou so much for sharing this with us, gosh the pain, I can only imagine, I watched the film Philomena..and not an happy ending but boy did it touch me..I am so very pleased you have been reunited with your son, and yes forgiveness is not easy but will give you some peace and you really do deserve it...I just hope that time will heal the rift..and I am sure it will xx
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi hun.
    Thank you for sharing that with us. I do hope that you will soon get back to a happy relationship with him.
    And well done for forgiving your family. I'm not sure I would've been able to so you're a better person than me. Although I did fall out with my brother and didn't speak to him for about eighteen years. It was as my dad was in intensive care that I just thought it wasn't worth it and threw my arms around my brother when he walked in the room.

  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Keep the door open as one day he will be ready to return. You've done everything you possibly could. He sounds angry and confused but it won't always be like this.

    My Brother recently got to meet his Son, he'd had a marriage break-up and he was prevented from seeing him for many years. His Son came to live with him but it didn't work out either. He was always wanting things, always complaining and even accused my Brother of stealing from him. He moved out again now. We all bent over backwards for him but it wasn't enough.

    I think time will be the healer.

  • Philippa1961
    Philippa1961 Member Posts: 38
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My son knows how to get hold of me if he wants to and I hope one day he can find peace. It's not his fault he was adopted or that he was told lies.

    I didn't talk to my sister for 12 years and our fallout was down to being accused of doing something I hadn't done and involved an old school friend. It wasn't the first time I had been accused of doing something I hadn't so it was the final straw. The only reason she started talking to me was because our mum died and she was the one who let me know. Things are still a bit strained between us but at least she knows how life has been like for me including physical health problems and why I suffer with depression.

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