Difficulties in relating to your doctor

firestar

Hi everyone
I am having a few problems tolerating the delays in between appointments and the lack of getting back to me that happens on a frequent basis. I was seen at local hospital and had problems and was seen elsewhere but having problems with them too. I end up ringing and nothing still seems to happen. My GP has told me frequently to be more assertive and pushy but I am finding it really hard.
See my other post about recent examples of my difficulties.
When I have to ring up I get really anxious about it and feel really awkward ringing the secretary again for the umpteenth time and just being fobbed off. When I do eventually speak to the doctor I feel I don't trust him as I have had to fight to get heard and think he is not really interested. Trust have never been my strong point!
I have had problems at two different hospitals.

How do the rest of you manage these problems?
How do you get yourself heard? More importantly how to you get things moving?
Thanks for any help
Amanda

barbara12

Hello Amanda so many people have had this prob ..I have learned to ring the secretary of my consultant and they have always been really nice..but like you say not easy..this forum has given me the confidence I needed to ask questions, and not come out of an appointment till I feel I know what is going on..it is something you will have to learn, you can always ask for a second opinion if you don't trust the doctor..I always take a list of questions with me...and don't forget they are paid to look after you its there job..

dreamdaisy

When I see my rheumatologist or GP I remind myself that I am one of many faces they see, they may stand out in my memory but I won't in theirs unless I show some interest in them as human beings. To that end I always ask after them, their families or compliment them on a piece of jewellery or a watch, anything to make me stand out from the rest of the herd.

It's not unknown for months to pass between appointments, I am fortunate that if I do hit a patch of trouble I can ring the rheumatology Helpline at my unit and, depending on the degree of urgency, they usually get back to me pretty quickly with advice or an appointment. You are pretty new to all of this, aren't you, just a few months in? You are on a learning curve with both the disease and how it's handled by the NHS. DD

stickywicket

I expect you were also anxious about posting on here so well done for making it.

I presume you're talking about rheumatology appointments. If you feel you are not being seen frequently enough I think your best course of action would be to bring this up during an appointment. Your rheumatologist then has the opportunity to explain why he or she thinks the usual time-lapse is sufficient and you, in turn, could explain why you think it's not. It might simply be that your inflammatory levels are low and therefore you are on the right medication to control your inflammatory arthritis, and any pain you are getting is therefore something to sort out with your GP. However, in view of your other post that your consultant is suggesting biologics – maybe not :roll:

I don't think I've ever actually rung my rheumatologist or their secretaries, though my GP once did on my behalf and I have had to ring my helpline on a couple of occasions during my 14 or so years of meth. I can't even remember what it was about now but I do recall them being kind and helpful.

My recipe for any phone calls I'd rather not make is to reward myself with one to a good friend afterwards.

I have read your previous detailed post and I do understand your anxiety but, for my money, 6 monthly appointments are about the norm, exact diagnoses can take a long time and we are not the experts nor are our GPs. The rheumatologists are the ones with years of study behind them and the internet is no substitute. I realise how frustrating that must be for you but arthritic life can, indeed, be very frustrating at times and anxiety only makes it worse.

I think DD is right. Make yourself memorable for good reasons - when I look round my rheumatology clinic I think just a smile and a kind word would make anyone stand out

Lubs

Hi,

I totally understand how you feel. At least you manage to speak to someone on the phone, all I can do is repeatedly leave messages for them to get back to me.

It wasn't until a rude rheumatologist told me "we are only paid to see you once a year!" I realised I need to make my appointment count. I write a small key on how I feel daily, a smiley face - for feelings and scale 1-10 for pain. Every day I write down I am, and recently I've had to extend this to give much more detail. So when I see them I read from my diary. (This is the same rheumatologist who charged me £180 for a private 15 minute appointment). :shock:

I also NEVER attend a appointment with the rheumatology team on my own. They always say one thing and do another. Like this my husband, brother or mother is there listening and making sure that I get a chance to ask what I want to as well. :roll:

I've never had to do this with my neurologist consultant - but he is a decent man, who will always write a detailed account of the meeting to you and your GP. Like this everyone is in the know! But not the rheumatology consultant, this is why I've changed consultant, and my husband tells him openly that I will not see the senior consultant. He laughs as he knows we are not the only ones!

I can only tell you how I deal with the different consultants at the two hospitals that I have to visit frequently, sorry I can't give you more direct advice on how to deal with them! :!:

ichabod6

The relationship between you and any health worker, be it gp, consultant,nurse, pharmacist, secretary physio, dentist or any other, is a partnership and you are the senior partner in that partnership.
With that in mind never leave an appointment or end a telephone call or acorrespondence or email until your query or request has been fully answered or fulfilled.
Be assertive. It is your life, your condition, your health problem and in
those you are the expert.

LignumVitae

Ichabod, thanks for such a helpful comment - I find the idea of being in a partnership and being the senior partner a really useful way to understand the relationship and will try to hold that in my mind next time I wobble at the idea of asking questions and come out not entirely sure what just happened in appointment. Thank you

firestar

Thanks everyone for the advice.

It helps to know others have had problems too, in a bizarre way as I'd like to think we shouldn't have these problems, and it helps hearing how you tackle them.

I think I need to take someone in with me- I am fiercely independent and don't let others in because I think as a grown professional woman I should be able to manage things! :? I might have to change that mentality!

I think my confidence has taken a battering due to all this so not feeling very assertive and confident so that probably doesn't help and at the appointments I get overwhelmed and can go quiet too quickly.

I will try to be nicer to them as suggested and try to be remembered in a good way but to be honest I am going to find that hard as I often feel frustrated by the time the appointment comes that I don't feel like a bit of polite chit chat but I suspect it would help.

The last year and half since first seen by rheumatology it has been a roller coaster but I am lucky in that they all agreed on the diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis quite quickly.
I am still surprised at how hard it is getting on with this illness but each step hopefully means I am getting closer to dealing better with it. Hearing from you all on this forum really helps- hearing from people who have more insight to the problems and helpful tips on how to manage it. Thank You.

Amanda Xx

stickywicket

It does take a long, long time to get used to dealing with the whole arthritic business and, if you are 'fiercely independent' that will be both a help and a hinderance. Harness the independence to work in your favour but do be prepared to accept help graciously when needed.

If you're used to a professional environment where things happen quickly then forget it. This is our beloved, but very over-stretched, NHS. It's no good getting angry with the people who are there to help you. It 's not their fault that the system is creaking. Remember that 'dealing with it' probably doesn't mean getting back to where you were before it all started. You will always have it, however well the meds work, and it will always impact on your life at the most inconvenient times :roll: It's no-one's fault. Be nice to the docs. They're on your side