Mugged by a spud

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stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,712
edited 21. Jul 2014, 11:52 in Living with Arthritis archive
It happened yesterday. I keep my potatoes in a cloth back (with handles for easy extraction) in the bottom compartment of the fridge. I pulled out the drawer, grasped the handles of the full bag and somehow managed to hit the edge of the compartment with it. Whereupon, the biggest, yobbo potato (I could swear it had a shaven head and tattoos) leapt out and hurled itself, full tilt, into my shin just when the knee implant meets bone.

I produced almost an entire alphabet of curses while stamping round the kitchen. (Why does one do that? Is it a matter of trying to produce a different pain in order to take the mind off the current one?) In the living room, Mr SW briefly took his eyes off the golf to enquire “You OK?” but made no effort to deal with my attacker.

I rubbed and cursed and stomped for some time then took my revenge. My assailant was the first for the chopping board. Roasted, with salmon fillet, cauli and beans, he later tasted delicious.

Today I have a big purple bruise where he whacked me. I keep getting plagued by ambulance chasers assuring me, despite my protests to the contrary, that I've been in a car accident or industrial injury and I can claim compensation. Could someone please tell me how to claim when you've been mugged by a spud?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Ah, there's nowt worse than a vicious vegetable, they tend to be firmer, tougher, harder and more aggressive than fruit, yes? I am pleased that revenge was both swift and tasty - that'll learn 'im. :wink: I hope the bruise clears sooner rather than later. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I'm glad you got revenge on the sucker, maybe a bit of witch hazel to help calm down the bruises. xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,927
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello Sticky
    i bet you enjoyed eating him.
    take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    As a tattooed thug like Mr, I take great offence at your remarks :shock: :lol:
    I am glad you managed to execute such a harsh revenge dear sticky :wink::D
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I think I would have to have resorted to a good sound mashing for him. I hope the bruises and the air are less blue in your house. Stick to rice in future, much more gentle.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,712
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Tony, any tattooed forum members are exempt from being baked and eaten, especially if they come from Yorkshire :wink:

    Mashing, eh, LV? Nah. Wrong hands. Mr SW is the household masher and he does wonderful mash. It's odd how there's never any butter left though :?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • tjt6768
    tjt6768 Member Posts: 12,170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I am relieved to hear that your stickyness :lol::wink:
    e050.gifMe-Tony
    n035.gifRa-1996 -2013 RIP...
    k040.gif
    Cleo - 1996 to 2011. RIP
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