Feeling down

Slosh

I've been feeling a bit low for a couple of weeks but didn't realise fully how it was affecting me until yesterday. I know it'll pass and I'm not at the stage of needing antidepressants, but things are just getting on top of me.
Last week I put in my application for a discretionary blue badge, today I'm going out to Lakeside with my daughter for a girly day but I have had to give in and hire a mobility scooter as I know otherwise I will struggle to walk after about 30 minutes, I have my PIP form to fill in, a blood test to go for as my last one threw up some anomalies but tests for what that might indicate all came back fine somI have to repeat it and if it is still not right be referred to a specialist, and then next Tuesday when I see my physiotherapist I have to discuss my walking with him and I'm getting anxious about that.

Next Wednesday I'm off on a spa break and I'm looking forward to the pampering but also worrying about how I'm going to get in and out of the pool without my stick.

I plan to get my PIP form sent off after I see the physio and before I go away so I can then forget about it all and I know this mood will pass but in the meantime it's all a bit of a struggle.

Sorry to winge but just had to get it off my chest.

stickywicket

Oh Slosh! First of all (((()))). We all need them from time to time.

You have a lot on and it's all come just after your return to work which I know was good in some ways and tough in others. I'm sure you'll enjoy the outing with your daughter but using a scooter or wheelchair at first is quite daunting. I used to feel like a fraud :roll: I didn't want to stand up because I felt I oughtn't to be able to and I certainly didn't want to use it anywhere where I was likely to meet someone I knew as they knew I could walk and so they, too, would see me as a fraud. Oh twisted thinking but so many of us do it. You've done the sensible thing. Now go and enjoy it.

As for the swimming pool – I wish I could help. I needed the hoist when I last had hydro. Please take all help on offer and don't be afraid to ask. That way you get to meet some lovely people

LignumVitae

More (((((()))))) for you Slosh. I know I can sometimes get quite anxious about things. It's always worse when I flare. I think it is because you end up living in a bubble that is slightly separate from those around you - you have to do things differently and can appear to look fine so as Sticky said, you feel a bit of a fraud on that front. At the same time you have to gather as much acceptance and bravery as you can to deal with how arthritis changes things and how you have to adapt - be that a scooter or just a mindset. All that is a huge amount to deal with along with anomoly blood tests and talking to the physio about changes in walking. Just one of those things would be enough to make a person feel a bit wobbly and sad, all of them suggest that actually, if you are dealing with it and acknowledging you are having a struggle you are doing pretty well.

What I do to help me is I talk through my anxieties with Mr LV. He knows that sometimes I might sound a bit mad and not to look at me like I am mad but to just say 'it's OK' from there, between us, we then formulate a plan of how I will do something - for instance, I worry about how I will get myself and the girls to appointments on time so we plan the route and what time I need to set off and what I need to take and between us we have everything ready and set to go the night before. It doesn't really make a difference to what I have to do but it reassures me for some reason. When I am not flaring and struggling then I don't think twice about doing stuff like that but when you struggle, things seem harder, that's just natural.Could you do that with your daughter or husband, if not, you can always do it on here with us.

As for the spa, just tell the staff and ask for help - they are there to make sure EVERYBODY enjoys their time there no matter how able or unable they are to get in and out of a pool and you definitely won't be the first person to need assistance so just make sure they know and enjoy being treated with care.

barbara12

Slosh ..sorry you are feeling so down,these things do pile up then suddenly it can lay you low..you are doing right hiring the scooter anything to make life easier..has for the spa I would take it has it comes...maybe it has a walk in pool..if not I would ask for help..they can only say no..
I do wish you well with the pip and your badge once the forms are done it is in there hands...hope you enjoy your time out with your daughter...

dreamdaisy

Oh Slosh, these feelings are par for the course: I have had years to adjust but for you it's been a matter of months, yes? No wonder you are feeling like this, it's all happened relatively quickly so no wonder you are feeling as you do: your virtual plate is far more crammed than mine. :oops: I send these ((( ))) plus the reassurance that we are here to listen and support. DD

Slosh

Thank you all so much, it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride these last 12 months. I just realised today that for the past few years this week I would have been away on my quilting holiday, and that next week it will be a year since my diagnosis, and it's less than that since my op and still less since I was told the aim of the op was to stop me getting worse, not to make me better.
I didn't need a stick until October and last Christmas was able to walk round shops and so if I'm honest with my leg and my shoulder/arm problems I get scared at times about what the next 6 months might bring.

Still it was a good decision to use a scooter today, the staff were lovely, and it meant not only was I able to enjoy the day, my daughter also confessed that she felt relieved that she didn't have to worry about me.

We had a good chat about things, she is a great support, and even made me laugh about using the scooter, and I didn't knock into anyone although I nearly left M and S towing a couple of bras behind me!

Now I've done it once I will do it again. Next job is to get the PIP finished. One thing at a time, and also learning to accept that it's ok to feel down sometimes.

stickywicket

Oh well done, Slosh! I'm so pleased you had a good day and, if your daughter 'is a great support' who did she get that from

You've had a tough, whirlwind of a year with the nasty stuff coming at you thick and fast from all directions. You've coped brilliantly and still come on here to support others. Arthritis won't change you, not the essentials anyway.

Of course it's OK to feel down sometimes. We all do and that's where the support of the forum come into its own. Oh but forgive me if I say when I next feel down myself I shall only have to conjure up the image of you exiting M&S with a couple of bras in tow

Slosh

Thank you. As for the bras they weren't even the kind I was looking for! Good job I had my daughter with me who spotted it! I must admit I am very proud of her and we are very close.

Sometimes it's enough just to know that it's ok to feel this way and that others understand. Don't know where I'd be or how I'd be coping without this forum.

tjt6768

Hi Sloshy, sorry that I have only just seen this :oops:
I am so glad that ypu had a great day out with your daughter.. I hope that things are starting to improve mood-wise but we are all here either way..
I must admit to feelong the exact same as Sticky as regards to the fraud bit when I used the wheelchair at first and would not use it where I could be seen by anyone that might know me.... There are plenty of things that I can still do but others don't see the consequences, the payback.


Anyway hun, I send huge Yorkshire Blokey Hugs your way..
xxxx

Slosh

Thanks Tony,
I must admit I was worried in case I saw anyone I knew, especially any of tbe families from tbe school where I work but told myself that was stupid, and luckily I didn't. However I did tell my daughter not to take any photos of me to put on facebook, mainly because I dreaded the reaction I would get from my older (19 years) sister!

Anyway I have done it and realised the benefits notjust to me but to my daughter, she is now going to investigate shop mobility at another shopping centre nearer to where she lives. The staff at shop mobility were great, but it was just my luck that the scooter broke down! Luckily towards the end of our trip, but the battery suddenly conked out. My daughter went to get help, they managed to get it started and we made our way VERY slowly back to shop mobility until it finally died a death halfway across a zebra crossing.
Luckily we were very close then so out came Eileen (my stick) and we got back with a member of the shop mobility staff pushinn the scooter. They were very sorry about it and told me not to lt it put me off using one again as it was a very rare occurance.

Feeling better mood wise today, this is all still quite new to me and raw at times, but I know I have to be kind to myself,and accept my limits.

Hope your exciting weekend, monkeys and all, has not had too bad a payback for you.
Thanks again, I know you have quite a lot to deal with at the moment.

stickywicket

That shouldn't have happened It could have been nasty. I don't know how shopmobility works but I've used a scooter that's freely offered at a local beauty spot and you have to ring in first precisely to ensure that the batteries are well topped up.

How are you today after you expedition, Slosh?

Slosh

They were very apologetic, I had booked in advance and apparently it was a new battery and they checked it was fully charged before handing the scooter over to me.

Feeling tired and achy this morning, but it's probably also something to do with the fact that yesterday I finished my two week course of Oxycodone which apart from really helping with the pain, was helping me sleep. Back on the meptazinol but I have a feeling I may be discussing if I can have the Oxycodone on a longer term basis, if only for term time.

I was supposed to be meeting up with some friends today but if I'm honest I'm not sorry it's been cancelled as while it woukd have been great to see them the hour long drive might not have been the best thing.
Mood wise feeling better, one thing out of the way.
Thanks for asking

Slosh

Not so good today. I had forgotten how bad my nights and sleeping were before I had the Oxycodone. I was expecting the pain to be worse but while I'm at home it's generally bearable/manageable and I can rest as needed. The nights have been awful, I've been in tears the last couple of nights which is not like me. Sleep wasn't perfect on the Oxycodone but much, much better.
Feel like a total wimp but I have given in and booked an appointment with my GP for Monday morning, might check on line later just in case there's anything for tomorrow. I feel like a failure as I hadn't wanted to have to see him again about this until the start of next term.
Had my repeat blood test this morning.
Getting on well with my rough copy of my PIP form. Plan to get the bulk of it finished off by Sunday, then I can update the medical section if needed after I've seen the GP, and the mobility section after my physio appointment on Tuesday, stressing about that now.