How do I deal, politely, with this?

toady

Thanks sticky. I've been chewing this over a little more in the light of your reply.

Yes I wandered a little, into the area of who do we think we are :? , & probably got a little woolly in the process (find it hard to 'boil down' a point I'm making these days, lack of crisp thinking brain :roll: ).

I do agree that society v. likely couldn't function with too much straight-talking, which means I do often feel quite uncomfortable about not being very frank; and equally at the thought that others aren't being so with me. I would prefer someone to tell me I looked hideous in my dress (like your lady's sister) than to think it. But as society doesn't operate that way maybe the best one can hope is that the gap between what someone is saying and thinking is not too wide or to too much to the detriment of either party.

On the matter of identity I can put my opinion into a nutshell on further reflection:
"I don't mind if you don't know me to a great depth, or what your opinion is, but I would like you to have your facts straightish about me, and if I don't give you any facts in a given area, then kindly don't fill in your own. Have suffered from this as have most of us! If my 'own' (or any) elderly lady turns out to be an Eminem fan, I try not to do the 'oh I wouldn't have expected that' thing. Assumptions are definitely one of my bugbears.

I seem to recall thinking Milan Kundera made some very good points in his novel 'Identity' but the finer observations elude me now so must re-read sometime.

Slosh

My daughter is my favourite companion when clothes shopping. Not only will she tell me honestly how I look, sometimes just giving me "the look" and just saying "Mother" when I pick something up but she also encourages me to try on things I would just dismiss as being too young, and to put back anything too old!

dreamdaisy

Well, Sticky and Toady, that fascinating little discussion has got my Thursday off to a deep start. :? My synapses are fizzing and briefly going out as I wrestle with the deeper implications of what you are each saying - and the possible 'noise' between how you are interpreting each others' words.

Oiling the social wheels is a necessity, courtesy costs nothing and can often result in nicer things happening to us. One constituent of the oil, however, is the occasional little white lie which plays an essential part of any relationship. Honesty within any relationship is possible but the roots of the relationship have to be strong enough to take the strain - in the case of the grandchildren-music-and-photo bores I bet a pound-to-a-penny that the necessary roots aren't there.

And then there's the weird and wonderful world of places like AC. We only have words to go on, no voices or facial expressions but we merrily chat away to complete strangers. Only human beings could manage relationships like this - and of course we all know how badly it can go wrong. DD