made it through the week

Slosh

As some of you know this was my first proper week back at work since my op albeit only 4 hours a day, hence why I haven't been on here as much.
I must admit I feel pathetically proud of myself for making it through the week as even before I went off I wasn't going in daily. It's been up and down both physically, which I was expecting, but also emotionally, which I wasn't, but which probably shouldn't have been a surprise as instead of going back "fixed" as it were I went back with a disability and more problems than I had before. There have been tears at times.

People's reactions were mixed, the majority were great, but one "friend" obviously has problems with this and a few others just managed to ignore the fact I was now accompanied by Fred and Ginger (crutches), which is quite an achievement. I am wondering if there will be a correlation between how people are with me and their attitude towards pupils with SEN.

I have been sensible, I've listened to my body, paced myself and accepted that building up to full-time time will take longer than I would like. So I'm planning not to get dressed tomorrow, rest up and I'm sticking to the same hours next week.
I've also got all my new appointments and referrals through so will be asking for pocket duties as needed.

Starburst

It's the furthest thing from being pathetic. I was proud of my first day, first week and first month. I'm still experiencing 'firsts' that are making me proud and I'm sure you will too. I am proud of you, I know it's not been easy for you but you're showing them all that you can rise above and not only cope but cope very well.

Enjoy your relaxing weekend!

Slosh

Thank you so much for that Starburst.

stickywicket

Sophie is spot on. There's no 'pathetic' about it. You have very good reason to be proud of your achievements and also your adaptability in re-assessing your phased return in the light of experience. Well done, Slosh! Now enjoy a weekend's rest

Slosh

Thank you. I have always been one of those people who pushes themselves at work and tries to get as much done as possible and have one of those jobs where there is always something more you can do. I even managed to get a "good" from OFSTED last year for my area of responsibility while on reduced hours.
I know I was over optimistic in hoping to increase my hours more quickly but it was good to be back . I think the fact that I've had to give up other interests and hobbies that I enjoyed makes still to be able to do my job, which is one I love, well even more important.
It's just very frustrating and I still get cross with myself at my limitations, and guess I will continue to do so.

Haven't bothered to get dressed today, lots of lies down etc and trying not to feel frustrated about how washed out I feel.

villier

Good on you Slosh, I am with the other two there is absolutely nothing pathetic about it, you are also doing the right thing by resting over the weekend, it is going to take time for your body to adjust, and yes you will feel frustrated at the things you can no longer do(I think we have all been there) you will be praising yourself soon at the things you will achieve that you can't do at this moment. Enjoy the rest of your weekend you are being sensible and listening to what your body is telling you............take care...................Marie x

dreamdaisy

No matter how long one has been a 'practising' arthritic I reckon we all go through phases when we feel frustrated at our lack of stamina and inability to do what we used to do. I think it's similar to ageing - my late Ma used to grumble about the many things she could no longer manage but never took into account she was in her mid-eighties. I would sit there thinking try being in your late forties and washed up!

I think you are showing more than a touch of wisdom in accepting your new situation and adapting accordingly. The most important thing is this: you are back at work and that is a great achievement in itself. Good on you, girl, you're doing more than OK, OK? DD

Slosh

Not sure if it's wisdom or just not having any other option! By yesterday I was starting to struggle and found myself watching the clock!
I suppose it's another aspect of acceptance but it IS frustrating and I just keep feeling that I'm letting down people, and the children at work.

I think the hardest thing is the reality of what my GP said, that I can't expect to go back to working the 9-9 1/2 hour days I used to, and managing other peoples expectations about that.

One colleague seems to have so little belief in my that she's started copying her emails to me with queries in to tne head and deputy.

Thank you all (again) for all your words of wisdom and encouragement

LignumVitae

Well done and stop with the pathetic! It's a huge achievement to go back to a demanding job where there is nowhere to hide when things get tough.

As for CCing on emails - it's a running joke in our office when somebody starts to do this, it's akin to being a tell tale . To be fair, maybe the colleague is unsure what they can and cannot ask of you so is covering their back/ wanting some reassurance from higher authority that they aren't pressuring you? I'm really open with my colleagues and my boss in particular is very caring about what I need etc but even he tends to be cautious about asking things of me, particularly after I've been struggling with a flare etc.

Slosh

Thank you LV.
As for that colleague, you are being very charitable but knowing her as I do its not about concern for me, she just doesn't like senior management and we have had a few run ins before.
Had a play with some of my "assistive technology" today. I have a throat problem as a result of my surgery which means I am unable to project my voice for meetings/training so for a session today I was all miked up!