Confessions

Slosh

I remember my mum forgetting I was her younger daughter andwhen I told her she replied " Well I don't remember having you but it was very cleer of me". As my sister is 19 years older than me I did ask her if there was something she needed to tell me!

Boomer13

Yes, that is true, she doesn't realize I'm not there. In fact, my brother says she often sets a place for me because "I'm just out for a little while" She is a very sweet woman and always has been. At least Alzheimer's hasn't taken that away yet.

She recent wandered off in the late evening (my brother does his best watching her but she's very quick!). After having police and their dogs out searching until midnight, they found her my brother said they didn't get home until close to 2am because she had to personally thank and hug every single officer involved! That's my Mum. She had no idea how or why she was where she was. I thought about that, and couldn't really imagine how terrifying a realisation that would be, in your lucid moments. Of course, it was all forgotten by the time she was home....

stickywicket

Anna, my mil got the wanderlust with the dementia. The first time she got lost a kind shopkeeper looked in her handbag and found the church bulletin so contacted the priest and he brought her back. Some time later, it was a man in his garden about a mile away. Because she loved to wander to the shops, and because she never went anywhere without her big handbag, we attached her name and address and the phone number on a luggage label which hung just inside the bag. I guess all of this involved risks but, as with arthritis, a balance has to be achieved. Eventually she began unpicking the attaching string and the label but, by then, she really wasn't fit to be allowed out alone.

applerose

My mum had Alzheimers. She thought it was very funny when she couldn't remember things so we were all able to laugh with her about it.

Dad has it but he is different. He gets upset when he can't remember. Caring for him has been down to my sister as she lives next door to him. I asked her to let me know if there was any way I could help but, as I work Monday to Friday and it's an hour each way on the bus, there's a not a lot I can do but spend Saturdays with him and to take a meal with me to give my sister a break. It has come to the point where dad needs more care. My sisters are talking about how we can all do this ourselves and I feel guilty because to give more help, I would have to greatly cut my hours at work which I don't think my boss will agree to. If I give up work, at my age and with my OA and RA getting worse, I doubt I'd get another job later and doubt very much I could cope with caring for him anyway. As most of you know, people just don't understand our lives with arthritis so I'm being made to feel even more guilty.

applerose

Just found this for those of you who are feeling guilty about not dusting. Very true.

stickywicket

Nice one, Christine.

As for your Dad, one thing we were told when we were considering residential care for my mil is that people adapt better before they get too bad. Those who try, grimly, to keep caring for their parent usually end up having to use a nursing home in the end and, by then, it's very hard for the dementia sufferer to adapt.

As for your 'fair share' of caring for your Dad, could you offer to do all paperwork, pay some bills etc. It all counts, not just the washing, shopping cooking etc.

applerose

Glad you liked that Sticky.

I didn't know about arranging residential care sooner rather than later. I thought it would be better later when they didn't really know where they were. As for paperwork etc, my sisters made themselves POA without telling me (we had agreed it would be me) so I have no chance of helping there. When I suggest helping, I get told the sister who cares for dad will do it. I can't mention it to dad as he thinks she can't do a thing wrong.

stickywicket

Christine, there's lots of help and info on the Alzheimers website http://tinyurl.com/oqmrjza .We rang them up and found them very good.

applerose

Thank you for the link Sticky. I registered with their forums a while ago and have put a few posts on. They are helpful.

stickywicket

I am ashamed to say that, when given four separately-wrapped bunches of flowers yesterday my first thought was “Oh ****! Here comes more work!”

I duly hacked, with difficulty, into the very tightly-sellotaped wraps, found and filled a vase, found somewhere in the small kitchen (with food everywhere as we were entertaining friends) where I could safely place it, cut out the equally-tightly-sellotaped packets of feed, snipped them open and decanted each one mostly into the vase but partly onto me. I then picked up stem no 1 to cut off its bottom (ouch ), realised I might just manage to do this given about 10 minutes with a hacksaw (alstromeria have very stout, strong stems - well, these did :roll: ) and the rest of the bunch within a couple of hours so simply stuck the lot in the vase, poured myself a nice soothing glass of C B and joined the others.

The alstromeria look lovely but I do wish, when people kindly give me flowers, I could be more aware of the beauty of the flowers and the kindness of the donor and less grumpily aware of my arthritis :oops:

Slosh

Perhaps you need to drop hints about how lovely some of the ready done arrangements, (think M and *), are.

One of my best presents as a get well was a planted basket, nothing to arrange, just some watering to do and a good tonic to have something to nuture when I was feeling down.

Mind you 7 months on it now needs potting on.