Plea for a structural engineer

stickywicket

Dear Sirs,

I believe I am in need of a structural engineer.

I understand you deal with the structures that support or resist loads. Therein lies my problem. My structure doesn't support or resist any loads at all.

I read that your work involves 'any item where structural integrity affects the item's function or safety'. That's me in a nutshell. My structural (lack of) integrity severely affects both my function and safety.

According to the great sage Wiki, 'the structural design....must ensure that the building is able to stand up safely, able to function without excessive deflections or movements which may cause fatigue of structural elements, cracking or failure of fixtures, fittings or partitions, or discomfort for occupants.'

I possess none of these features. I have a design fault. I am clearly not fit for purpose.

I would like to be certified.

Yours truly, madly and deeply,

S. Wicket (Ms)

Slosh

After a day at work dealing with child protection this has put a much needed smile on my face.

Will be going to see my structural engineer aka my Orthopaedic surgeon on Friday.

theresak

If you do happen to find a structural engineer who can rectify your particular kind of design faults, could you please let me have his/her number so that I can employ him/her too?

Thanking you in anticipation.........

dreamdaisy

Dear Sirs,

I am writing in the hope that you will be able to help me with my structural problems. For once I managed to read further than Page 3 of Brickies Today (the issue to which I refer featured The Magnificent Witold from Dagenham) and I found your advertisement stating that all kinds of inspections can be undertaken with a view to remedying structural issues. I have one or two which are causing me concern.

I am growing some extra structures in my ankles and knees - these are causing me some distress as the flexibility of those joints is being restricted. Could these extras be removed?

I also have an issue with a magnificent super-structure which is sited between my clavicles and rib cage. Things have reached such a pitch that I can no longer see my feet when I am standing up or lie with my arms by my sides as my armpits become obstructed. Would you recommend the wearing of a M&S boulder holder in bed or could this cause further issues?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours faithfully,

DD (Miss)

LignumVitae

I think structural engineers would run at the thought of our structural issues! DD - I didn't even manage that kind of superstructure when I was breastfeeding, a bit of me is jealous but only a bit because that must take some strain on your back and shoulders.

stickywicket

May I suggest we form the Structurally Outstandingly Defective Intemperance Team?

theresak

Well, there's no doubt we meet all the criteria!!