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I'm going back to work . . . .

dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
edited 6. Nov 2014, 03:24 in Living with Arthritis archive
. . . . . but not in a way that the workers on here would recognise as work. This morning a former pupil came to see me, she has been having real trouble at school with bullying and all-round general unpleasantness so hopes to be changing schools. She wanted to find out if she would be able to cope in mainstream so wanted some up-to-date figures. We acquired them: she can't, not without support (her current school is not doing much for her apart from making her stand out from the crowd) so I found myself saying 'Do you want to come back, just once a week, so we can improve things?' She said yes.

Gulp. I know it isn't going to be that onerous, just one hour a week, but I am severely out of practice and have no idea where my teaching materials are (or what I preserved). I will have to get used to making my own worksheets once again (all individually tailored to her needs, all my pupils had individual stuff) and dig out the red and blue wooden letters, my Lettercase (I think I still have it) and - the best bit - her favourite game which is Snakes and Ladders. I might treat us to a luxury version. :wink:

This thirteen year old has been self-harming at the behest of the bullies - her parents and me want her out of that toxic situation, she's a very gentle, quiet and timid girl and needs a fresh start. The pressures that young teens are now facing are horrendous - and very disturbing. DD
Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben

Comments

  • LignumVitaeLignumVitae Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh DD, I'm not surprised you ended up going back to work. What a harrowing situation - even in today's age there is still so little support. There were no dyslexics or other such problems when I was at school, just a 'bottom table' which is horrific. I thought things were better.

    I imagine that you of all people will be able to do a grand job with or without tools and you might just make an amazing difference to somebody's life. Good luck with finding things and preparing your worksheets - small bits of effort at a time please.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • Boomer13Boomer13 Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Poor thing, DD that's good of you to help her. It must be very hard for her at school. Please don't tire yourself out though.
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good for you :D The poor lass needs something to go right for her and I suspect she's found the right person to turn things round for her.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • As5567As5567 Posts: 665
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good luck with it all, sounds like she could really do with the help and support.
  • migmig Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    If anyone can support this lass its you DD. Mig
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    PM me if you want any suggestions re resources. Also well it's great you are doing this for her it doesn't solve the problem long term. Her parents need to contact the school's SENCO or Inclusion Manager to discuss this. If she has got an official diagnosis/report stating she has dyslexic type difficulties/is at risk of ( we were told we could not put anything else) then under the new guidance they have to make provision. I suggest her parents do this, and request an EP assessment, many schools are dubious when presented with reports from outside agencies unless they have been involved in the assessment. It is also important to get an EP involved in terms of examination concessions. In view of the self-harming they need to get a referral to CAHMS , mental health, via their GP or the school, my daughter did this and needed counselling. The school should have an SEN statement on their website which not only talks about how they support pupils with SEN but also the names and contact details of key members of staff and of how to make a complaint. The other thing is that if she has so much going on in terms of the bullying and self-harm this will be getting in the way of her learning and may need to be dealt with first.I had to postpone working with a pupil for this reason.

    Anyway good luck and if I can be of help just PM me.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • theresaktheresak Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good for you, DD - she obviously needs the help you can provide.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My thanks to you all for your kind words, encouragement and information. It's a complicated situation but she is receiving counselling and has the unqualified support of her parents. I am also going to take her to Maccy D's (probably a take-out in my car) when she wishes, for a talk about things from her perspective. Her preferred new school have had to refuse her due to being at capacity for her year - an appeal is being made but she is first on the waiting list should someone leave. I suspect for the time being she will have to return to her current school who are being less than pro-active in helping her and sorting the situation. :roll:

    Slosh? It's all in hand and thank you for the offer - I may take you up on it, that depends on what I unearth! I was fairly up-to-date before I finished, I've just got to find it. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • LignumVitaeLignumVitae Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh the poor love. I imagine you are about to offer her a bit of stability and calm which may do an awful lot for her long term
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • villiervillier Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good on you DD if anyone can do it you will, she wouldn't be coming to YOU if she didn't think YOU were the person that could help her. I am not even going to say good luck as you are not going to need it, it is a very charitable thing you are doing. xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • hileena111hileena111 Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Poor little lass. Its awful
    You'll be the one to help her and its good that you offered
    It will probably help you as well......I know you say 1 hour a week isn't much but it is for you when you haven't done it for a while but it will help both of you I think.
    Good luck
    Love
    Hileena
  • charleehcharleeh Posts: 173
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi DD,

    The little girl is very lucky to have help and I am sure she will come on leaps and bounds :)

    I was taken out of school through bullying - it was an awful ordeal for me, my parents had moved from a flat to a house so I had to change schools and because I was different (and smart) I was picked on.

    I ended up being home schooled by parents who had 'other priorities' - I don't want to go into detail, but I had no one there for me and got into a lot of trouble.

    Having only educated myself, I managed to get into college at 16 after having an 'epiphany' and after college ended up working as a Junior accountant (until the arthritis got too bad) for a reputable firm with a promising career.

    I found that Kadampa Buddhist meditation helped me immensely get over my 'demons' (the bullying was the tip of the iceberg, but it had really upset me and was at the core of a lot of my issues) - maybe it is something that can help the little girl too?

    Best wishes,
    Charleeh x

    (sorry to waffle, its something close to my heart)
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You have overcome a great deal, charleeh. No wonder you're such a strong person.

    When I was young there was, of course, bullying but, because there was no Facebook or Twitter or, indeed, computers, it ended at the school gates and there was some respite for those on the receiving end. Now it seems to be non-stop.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • dachshunddachshund Posts: 7,838 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello DD
    your pupil new who to come too you are the right person to help her.
    i know it will give you a lot of hard work but you will both have the rewards.
    how is your sore throat.
    take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • bubbadogbubbadog Posts: 5,852
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I was badly bullied at school just when we getting ready for what was then G.C.S.E's it was so bad that I had injuries like black eyes. I ended up having to study at home my Mom would go and get work from school for me. I remember it being a horrible feeling and the school didn't do anything to punish the ring leader. The worst think is it didn't stop at school she ended up on the college course I was on and proceeded to bully me at college! At the worst point she put me in hospital she had pulled me down by my hair and whacked my head on the tutors desk and split it open. Again the college didn't punish her. The one thing good out of all this is I was determined to get good grades and I did! Being bullied is a horrible thing and I wish I was able to help someone who is in the situation and help but Arther has put a stop to that, Arther is a bully!! DD what you are doing for this young lady is totally Amazing and I commend you for what you are doing. I hope she comes out the other side stronger.
  • phoenixoxophoenixoxo Posts: 625
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Excellent, DD :)

    I was bullied at school too – I was 'different' due to arthritis. Thankfully no physical violence was involved, but the verbal insults got a bit much at times and it became difficult to get up in the morning and go to school. I think it would've helped a lot if I'd felt there was someone on my side and I'm sure this girl will benefit from any assistance you're able to give her :)

    Best wishes,
    Phee
    PsA (psoriatic arthritis) and other things since 1990. Happy to help when I can :-)
  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,943 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    How good of you to help DD..its must be rotten for the young girl to have to go through all this :( what a country we live in when people with dyslexia are not catered for in mainstream schools..I hope it all works out for her
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Right, let's make one thing clear: I am not doing anything miraculous in any way, I just want to help steer this lovely young girl away from the rocks to which she is heading. I remember being bullied at primary school due to my appalling skin and bad breathing, chasing me afforded much entertainment because I couldn't run. and then I couldn't breathe! :lol: It mentally hurt at the time but children will always react to someone who is different, who doesn't fit in because they can't understand the bigger realities of life.

    The 21st century explosion of social media offers much more scope for cowards to attack and the general exposure of young minds to self-harm, anorexia, bulimia, etc. will influence their ideas of what is the norm. Even supposed adults fall under the ghastly spell of twitbook, happily launching unprovoked attacks on people they do not know and will never meet but they still feel they can pass on their cruel and usually vacuous comments because they are protected by anonymity - the apparently 'church-going lovely-and-kind woman' (who targeted the McCanns) recently killed herself after her identity was discovered is proof that people cannot face the results of their actions. Social media has a good face and a very bad one. We can choose which face we use but youngsters may not have a fully-developed moral compass available to them: if you regularly witness your parents cheerfully unfriending total strangers what are you going to learn from that behaviour? Not a lot.

    I'll shut up now. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • charleehcharleeh Posts: 173
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Sticky :)
    No wonder you're such a strong person

    and DD I agree with you about certain people with social networks, my Dad couldn't control himself and had 3 women on the go at once (he would normally only have 1 affair at a time) .... My mom's not much better but needless to say that ended their 25 year relationship / 10 year marriage.

    I use social networks as I have family all over the UK and friends and more family all over the world and I can share my holiday pics and chat to them for free :) - I don't let anyone from school see any of my stuff on there so not to give them the chance to be nosey and pass judgement! privacy settings are a must for social networks!

    I can't understand the 'key board warrior' as my husband calls them - I'd never say anything than i would say in person.... its a thing I can't get my head around?? - and I am 23 LOL :lol: (24 in a few weeks!) so I guess I am of the age of the social network? - mind you I never even touched a computer until I was nearly 17! hahah

    Best wishes,
    Charleeh

    and p.s - I got a good look into 'real life' and 'normality' from my 1st job @ 16, I worked in a family run chippy and I saw how much the father loved his kids and worked all the hours for them and his wife and how much of a moral person he was... I do think that they had a big influence in changing my perception of the world. Just having one person reach out to you demonstrating a good honest way of life can me massively influential on children. Especially those who lose respect for older people / authorities that should have been helping them.
    You'll make a big difference without realising.... I never tell my old boss that I have said here and I see them often (he would get big headed lol)
  • daffy2daffy2 Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I am not doing anything miraculous in any way
    ,
    maybe not miraculous DD, but wonderful certainly, to put aside your own considerable difficulties to help this girl.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It will do me good too, Daffy, I need to become more outward-looking but I don't plan on taking on any more. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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