Counting sheep

GraceB

Does this work? I am awake every night without fail due to joint pain and exhaustion. My partner had prostate removed 14th Oct and is having quite a struggle with his bladder at the moment. This will improve over time and if he does his exercises.
In the meantime, I am struggling with things that he would usually do, as there's no one else to do them. I have had no help, apart from phone calls from the medical team supporting him.
This morning, when dealing with yet more issues and after a bad night's sleep, joints all giving me gip, my body stopped me. I managed to sit down just before I all but passed out.
When I felt better, I carried on, as you do. I had no choice. I emailed his clinical nurse specialists, explained what happened and pushed a metaphorical alarm button. They have responded but naturally he is expecting instant results and that's not going to happen. I then went to work as at least there I can sit down.
I have spinal joint and nerve injections 16th Nov and have no idea how I'm going to cope but I must have the jabs due to how bad my back is. Miraculous resolutions would be wonderful, but I am realistic. In the meantime, I'll just plod on and hope to get some sleep tonight.
Thanks for reading and take care. GraceB

charleeh

Hi Grace,

I am sorry to hear that you cannot sleep - it must be a mix of pain and everything on your mind (I get the exact same!).

I use Buddhist meditation techniques to help ease the pain and clear my mind, maybe that could help you too?

A simple one is a relaxation technique, Firstly you sit or lie as comfortable as possible and close your eyes. Focus on the very top of your head and imagine a softness come down your body from the crown to your toes. Then bring your attention to the very tip of your nose and focus on your breathing, don't change it just observe it - just the sensation of warm air leaving your nostrils and cool air filling you. If your mind wanders off (which it will do, don't worry) just focus on the cool air coming in and warm air coming out of the nose. Each time the mind wanders bring back to the breath.

To further the practice I imagine bright soothing light coming in to my body taking my pain away and I breathe out dark smoke which represents my pain.

The more you practice the easier it is and the better the pain eases.

Hopefully you will fall asleep after doing this for a few minutes - if not it should help ease the pain a little (it does work well for me). If you don't fall asleep give yourself time to focus again before you stand up!

I hope your partner feels better soon too to help take the strain off you.

Hope I have been of some help without sounding like a complete hippie

Best Wishes,
Charleeh

dreamdaisy

I know the lack of sleep very well indeed, I wake every ninety minutes or so thanks to pain. I don't count sheep, I do ridiculous alphabet lists and usually manage to nod back off until the next wakening.

Right, practicalities. Whatever it is he does when he can but currently can't doesn't mean that you now have to do it. You are working and have many joint issues so you need to be taking some care of yourself - having both of you collapsed at home won't be any good at all. Obviously I don't know your living arrangements but is he able to sleep in a different room so you are not disturbed? Are there neighbours who would put out the bins (assuming that's one of his jobs? It's always been mine.) Forget cooking every alternate night, have a ready-meal or a take-away instead (OK, not healthy and could be pricey but conserving physical energy is necessary). I recommend on-line grocery shopping, someone else trots round the supermarket then someone carries the bags into the house. it's a delight. Can you take some leave, even just a Friday and Monday to make a longer weekend? DD

LignumVitae

Lots of rest, minimise your workload to only and I mean only the essentials. Do as much sitting down as possible and just give yourself a break even if you just let your foot off the gas for a week it will help your body to catch up with you. No cleaning, minimal cooking and washing. Make sure you give yourself a chance - I always find rest hardest when I'm most fatigued so it turns into a viscious circle and the only way to break it is to stop doing things. It won't be a problem short term if you take a break from anything but the very essentials. Please come here to talk to us and let out any steam you may normally share with your husband - taking too much burden is hard hard work (((((())))))

stickywicket

I can't add to the good advice already given but I would endorse it all. Let standards slip. Eat take-aways and ready meals. You are not in a position to take up all the slack.

GraceB

Charleeh - no it's not a silly idea and you are definitely not a hippie! I am open and receptive to all suggestions. I will give this a go.

DD - we live in a bungalow and I am in the spare room already. I will give your alphabet lists a try. I was on the point of on-line shopping anyway and will have to activate this. It was getting me out though! I like you are not keen on ready meals long-term but I think this is a very sensible suggestion and one which I will be taking forward. I work part-time (Mon/Tues all day and Wednesday mornings) so the week is split for me. Mind you, work has been my sanctuary lately!

Lignum - again very useful ideas, thank you. I have to admit already that a lot of things just aren't being done and I can see things are building up but mentally am shrugging my shoulders and saying 'stuff it'.

Sticky - thank you. Perhaps I can turn this into a wonderful opportunity to 'legally' enjoy a bit of junk food for a change!

Thank you everyone; I really appreciate your ideas and thoughts. I will make a list now of my 'new ways of life' and will let you all know how I get on with them.

Grace B

theresak

Good luck with al the sensible suggestions Grace - there`s no way round it : you have to take care of yourself, and when you are feeling so tired you are allowed to cut corners!

Hope things improve soon.

charleeh

Hi can recommend one type of sainsbury's ready meals - they are in a clear plastic packet and called 'My Goodness' .

There are minimal additives and rubbish in them and they are really nice. They are not cheap, but you don't feel all bloated and guilty after eating them as they are pretty healthy.

They do all sorts; BBQ chicken & Rice, a Roast Chicken breast and fresh veg, squash risotto, Tai Curry, paella, .... etc etc... for veggies and meat eaters too. The meat in them is not reformed stuff its proper meat.

(this is what me and my hubby live on when I am in flare lol :P )

Hope you feel better soon
Best Wishes,
Charleeh x

GraceB

Charleeh, thanks again. I am spreading the word amongst friends that things are bad. I have also contacted his daughter, although she lives 2 hrs from us she may be able to ro something, even if it's just phoning him daily for a while.
I am hoping he now realises professionals usually give relevant advice. Hopefully tomorrow may be a bit better.
GraceB

dreamdaisy

Your chap is a bloke, they don't hear relevant or sensible advice when it's proffered, the ability to go selectively deaf is innate. Mine came home last night after a morning visit to the GP, he is being troubled with tennis elbow and asked for a steroid jab. The GP refused and 'prescribed' a set of exercises to be done twice per day, pointing out that the steroid was not a permanent fix. Talk about grumble over the dinner table. :roll:

Food-wise many of our meals stretch to two dinners (when I've cooked) which eases the mid-week dinner choice somewhat. You are right to ignore the chores, it's surprising how quickly one's standards can drop and how much satisfaction one can gain when achieving a little something or other. I guess your bloke has some deep healing to be done which will of course restrict what he can or cannot do - I also suspect he's an impatient patient. Anyway, it's a half-day for you today, so lazy dinner tonight methinks. DD

stickywicket

It seems, Grace, you are used to coping despite everything. This is both a plus and a minus. Overall, I think that attitude is by far the best but, as you have just discovered, there are times when we all have to give in a bit and accept any help on offer - even from Mr Sainsbury & Co Keep us in the loop.

GraceB

Thanks again for your replies.
DD - good luck with supervising the physio. Dinner tonight was poached eggs on toast, followed by choccy sponge (shop bought) and custard.
Sticky - we must have met without realising!! I do just get on with things, usually because they need to be done.
Needless to say, himself is still making heavy weather of things. That probably sounds awful but I've gone past the polite stage!
I have asked his daughter to contact his sister so they can have a full and frank discussion about the situation. Our bungalow is small and it's difficult to have a completely private conversation.
The clinical nurse specialist is doing a phone follow up tomorrow so we'll see what happens as a result of that.
Thanks again.
Take care,
GraceB

stickywicket

Well done on initiatng a chat between your OH's daughter and sister. Also on the simple meal. Eggs are maybe the original 'convenience food'.

It sounds as if your OH could be a bit more pro-active in his recovery? I'd have thought recovery of bladder control would be anyone's top priority but, in blokeworld, maybe his whole sense of masculinity has taken a pounding and he's feeling depressed about it all. I hope the nurse will be able to help.