LV has mostly been fuming

LignumVitae

She isnt now though so it is safe to read this post. I dont know what came over me :oops: I think I had waited so long for the anti-tnfs and I had tried so hard to cope and be patient that eventually I burst. I kept myself to myself and stomped and hobbled about quietly fuming away and sometimes not so quietly if Mr LV asked a remotely stupid question (quite frequent). Normally if I feel overwhelmed I cry but I couldn't find a tear and instead I just wanted to rage and rage. I wondered if it was a side effect of Enbrel but given it's intermittent nature I think it is a side effect of arthritis even if it's one I hadn't experienced before. I gave myself a talking to and a break and I decided I had to suck it up and get back to behaving. It was tiring being angry - how do angry people keep it up?! I made sure I didn't let the girls know even if occassionally whilst rocking a screaming teething Tegen I gritted my teeth and wanted to run away. Last night when she started I had her glued to me, I did everything and that was when I knew the anger had passed and normal service was resumed.

My boss came to see me to do some work today and take me for lunch, I took the opportunity to say how I thought I'd find a tablet easier to work with and that is what will be supplied as my next computer (see my other post regarding possible help with funding). It was good to see him and actually work face to face with somebody for a change. I felt human and very lucky to work for somebody so ace.

So there you are, that is where I have been, in the land of short temper (I figured it was best to lie low whilst I was like that given how lovely this forum is - bad manners arent generally welcome and the diatribe on diets that I read at the weekend sent me into red flaming anger). Maybe I just need to lie down with a cool tripe compress.

stickywicket

(((()))) And you could have had those, and many more from others, if you'd come on here while fuming. I'd been wondering about you but had hoped no news was good news - even though I do tend to disappear myself when stuff's bad.

So, do we assume no joy yet from the enbrel? After you'd held out for so long I can understand that would definitely be fume-making. I think we give ourselves a kind of time limit (I shall not panic / give in / change tactics until....) and then the deadline come and goes and nothing has changed and we don't have a Plan B. If this is how it is I do hope the enbrel kicks in soon.

I know for a fact that the 'diet thing' upset more than you, LV. It was worse than the celery, wasn't it? Maybe a tripe gun?

LignumVitae

Thank you sticky. I think there are some improvements with the Enbrel but it's not a two dose wonder and needs to build up like the meth did when I first started it.

I think this was my mental deadline for when halcyonic times would be reached and unsurprisingly that was an unreasonable deadline to have! Ah well, time will pass and things will change.

The diet thing is getting to the point where I will soon start reporting it because I find it goading and troll like as well as horrible and cruel to those who aren't cynical and have been around the arthritis block a few times.

phoenixoxo

Welcome back, LV

I agree that rage is a side effect of arthritis, and considering the amount of time you had to wait to get started on Enbrel it's not surprising that you entered the Land of Short Temper for a while. I tend to disappear to the Island of Anxiety myself :?

As to the diet thing, you have my support if you need it

Best wishes,
Phee

theresak

I agree with Phee - rage is a by-product of RA,especially when you wait ages for a drug and are impatient for it to work. When each new drug is prescribed for us, the natural tendency is to think ' this may well be the one.'

Good luck on the enbrel, LV.

Tezz x


PS I'm another one fed up of diet advice - would that it was so easy!

LignumVitae

Thank you both! I started this summer on the island of anxiety but seem to have ended this bit of the journey on the barren plains of the land of short temper. It has gone now so I feel better about my worry that it was a drug side effect. It was just my response to finally getting the enbrel started. I'm now going to keep practicing patience and calmness! Well, mostly

stickywicket

Patience, calmness, a bloke and two small children :? An interesting brew, LV Please keep us updated.

barbara12

Not sure how you see yourself LV, but I see you has an inspiration to many,you suffered in silence for quite a long time even through having the twins....so if you need to let things out to us lot,we are always here..I have a rooms at the side of the house that is my rant room shout scream cry..then i am back to normal whatever that is... :shock: hope things improve for you very soon you deserve a break...(((()))) xx

Slosh

Hope things are starting to settle down a bit for you. I am full of admiration for how you manage everything you have going on and it's not surprising that sometimes your temper starts to fray, I'd be more worried if it didn't as we all need to let rip at times and unfortunately it's often those nearest to us who are on the receiving end.

LignumVitae

Thank you all for your kind words and support, you are such an amazing bunch and inspire me. Things have calmed down and I think my current irritation at Mr LV is probably unarthritic and entirely normal. He has his citizenship test in a few weeks. He is a born panicker, he has become entirely neurotic about every little thing but refuses to believe there may be a link to nervousness regarding the test and insists he feels fine about it. He even had the mindlessness to tell me that a patch of flakey skin on his scalp did feel like the end of the world to him :shock: just moments after telling me that he knew I was getting much better even if I didn't feel it - this despite my fingers doing lots of weird and wonderful things over the weekend. :roll: Bless him. At least my girls have given me lots to smile about, they seem to be in a super cute phase and were reading to each other yesterday as well as developing a new habitat of walking around holding hands. Melts my heart and irritation right away!

dreamdaisy

Rage? Oh for sure, and it's hardly surprising now, is it? My last bout was when I was told I had severe OA in my knees, this was in my third year of taking humira (when my consultant had foolishly promised me that I would lose the sticks and the dullers but, oddly, I hadn't, just gained more walking aids ) and my temper was very iffy for a while. I smashed old mugs and plates on the patio and felt better (until I had to clear up the mess) then took to screaming into a pillow. I still occasionally do - it does help to release the pent-up anger, confusion, frustration and sometimes sheer panic that our conditions can cause as I realise that yet another little thing is beyond my physical limits. DD