My Carer and I

stickywicket

I always aim for 'normality' as much as possible but, when the boiler packs in, in late November, I'm not above playing the disabled card to get it fixed asap. So, when Mr SW rang British Gas this morning, I allowed him to explain about the arthritis and the engineer came out straight away. Later, I overheard the latter calling his boss about the problem and saying “The carer says.....”

I felt my hackles rising instantly. I know he is. I know he does. But, so far this morning:

I'd done the washing up while he stared pensively at me;

“What's up?” I asked.

“Nothing. But I'm betwixt and between. I can't really do anything can I until he comes, can I?”

“Why not? I can.”

I carried on washing up then, just in time, before the gas man arrived, managed to take all my veg, a bowl, chopping board and knife into the dining room so that I could prep the veg for tonight's meal while the engineer was taking up most of the small kitchen with his bags and bits of the boiler.

My 'carer' continued to mooch around. The man arrived. I retired to the dining room and chopped. I could hear my carer mooching on, pacing the floor, occasionally offering a spot of advice to the engineer :shock:

He is, officially, my carer. He does care. But multi-tasking is not his thing. He's a bloke :roll:

LignumVitae

Depending on my sleep levels I'd have been tempted to throttle them both with a kitchen towel. I get where you are coming from - Mr LV went through a phase of complaining at the state of the house and saying if he had the time he'd clean and tidy...that was until every time I found him parking his behind playing with his phone I explained how he could be sweeping, mopping or doing something to do with cleaning. He no longer complains but still sits and plays with his phone :roll:

dreamdaisy

I love your ways with words: ' . . . while he stared at me pensively.' - I can just picture it!

There are many things that I should have been doing this morning such as tidying up and sorting out but instead I 'treated' myself by erecting the new Christmas tree: 7 feet tall and over 5000 tips of rather scratchy plastic but it is feather-light to look at. By the time I've finished with it . . . . well, let's say the National Grid will need to stoke up another boiler or two to get enough leccy to the DD household. DD

villier

As I don't have someone to 'stare at me pensively' I just have to get on with things on my tod glad you got the boiler fixed quickly xx

theresak

I remember getting quite upset just after I was diagnosed with RA, when one of the nurses kept referring to Nick as my main carer. It conjured up all sorts of visions so I always pointed out I actually still thought of him as a husband.

I might have had a few choice words in your situation this morning.

Slosh

One of the things I find difficult is when I'm asked who is at home to look after me, the first time I asked why I was being asked this I was told it was clear I needed help to manage!

I stil hate being asked this, especially as my OH is away during the week I have to manage alone then.

dreamdaisy

This is a difficult one, isn't it? For what it's worth, Villier and Slosh, I'm with you: as far as I am concerned I am my main carer because, much as he tries (and he can be trying ) I manage better without.

I received a text at 18.10 telling me he's now left work, which means that the dinner I was timing for 19.00 now has to be adjusted to 20.00. Of course it will but imagine the complaint if the metaphorical boot was placed elsewhere. :roll: DD

mig

We both have a carer I'm his and he's mine. Mig

barbara12

My oh all over, if we are waiting for somthing he will sit watching the tv, like you say men are not good at multitasking...but the one thing I do not like is when he says my wife is disabled, I know I am but hate hearing it..he still has to work at nearly 67, so I do feel for him

stickywicket

I think it's clear we all dislike being 'labelled'. I actually don't mind being referred to as 'disabled' because I clearly am and no-one could dispute it but, like Tezz, I see my husband as my husband and, like mig says, we care for each other. There are multiple ways of caring and being disabled makes no difference for many of them.

A friend always insists that her husband is her husband not her partner. She feels, after 40+ years of marriage, they've earned the right to officially be husband and wife.

P.S The boiler worked this morning

P. P. S. My 'carer', Mr SW (aka General Waste) washed up after breakfast. As a result I've been sliding all over the kitchen floor ever since :roll:

tkachev

I spend 2 and a half hours each morning getting the kids off to school (which includes washing and dressing my 15 year old son),
doing housework such as tidying other's mess, washing up and drying,sorting the washing (bending down is painful) during which time my 'carer' sits and watches the TV, reads his facebook and has a smoke and several cups of tea (I usually get 3 cold cups before I get a nice hot cup). to make matters worse he usually makes a comment about 'nice ****' which I'm afraid does not go down well!

And he gets paid £61 per week for all this!


Elizabeth

stickywicket

I think, if mine did that, he'd get several cups of tea poured over his head. Mine does spend periods lost in his laptop while I do houseworky stuff but he's a good back and foot scrubber and hair washer, he puts cream and any necessary dressings on my feet, fastens shoes, buttons and zips when needed and helps me into and out of difficult bits of clothing. (I can regularly be seen, first thing in the morning, patrolling the house like a zombie with my jumper hanging from the top of my head, in search of my carer who will pull it on for me )

theresak

Oh Sticky, I can empathise. I'm really struggling at present & had to locate my husband this morning so he could put my socks on for me, amongst other things.

tkachev

He is a very good hair washer and back scrubber and toe nail cutter and does all the shopping but I do get a bit fed up with the morning ritual. A little bit of input would be welcome.


Elizabeth

dreamdaisy

Oh tkachev, there's a world of hurt and pain in your last post. Is your OH of the generation where women 'do' childcare? It seems he helps you physically but maybe not practically? DD

tkachev

Thank you DD and you are Spot on as usual. His Mother does everything at home, including doing all the business paperwork, meals are delivered on time. I do think this is at the heart of the problem.

I wouldn't mind but OH doesn't work, whereas his Dad, even at age 70 does.

Anyway I still have a lot to be thankful for

stickywicket

I like your attitude, Elizabeth.

Starburst

At my GP surgery, there is a pop note on the dr's computer screen that says; Has carer: <Starburst's mum> even though I have no recollection of registering my mum as a carer. Sometimes when she's nagging me, as mother's do, despite me being 26 (!), I tell her I am going to sack her as my carer.

In my job, I often see family members (of service users) listed as 'carer' which seems to be a default position for nearest relative when it's clear that they are not receiving any kind of 'care' at all.