Housework definitions according to Mr LV

LignumVitae

I wonder how many of these are common or if they are all just Mr LVisms...

To tidy - create large, often precariously balanced, piles and move them from room to room according to where is being tidied. Checking through the pile is NOT your responsibility therefore empty envelopes can legitimately be in the pile(s).

To put away children's toys - see above, although this pile is always in one corner of the lounge and nowhere else and usually completed by the use of one foot.

To clean - definition as yet to be demonstrated, understood or undertaken

To sweep - the do a strip around the front door

To cook - empty bag of salad, warm accompanying protein in microwave, serve and wonder why toddlers refuse to eat. Alternative definition: walk to pizza shop

To wash up - cram it all in the dishwasher and if you can get away with it, then just keep putting the dishwasher on over and over again until any stains and truly welded on

To empty dishwasher - pile onto crying rack by sink because it apparently isn't bone dry enough once it has been through a dishwasher with drying cycle.

To wash clothes - place in washer, set programme, switch on and anything beyond that is a total mystery - dry washing goes into, you guessed it, a pile.

Inexplicably:
To vaccuum - remove all upright tools and insist on doing the bits of house you actually do vaccuum (two rugs) with the crevice tool and complain if anybody else just uses the normal upright function

To clean car - spend literally hours outside doing pathetically pointless things with lots of potions and then complain when it rains or a child dares eat in the car (or LV eats in the car :oops: ) or a dog possibly comes back from a walk with muddy feet and gets in the car.

theresak

My hubby is probably the untidiest man in the world. He can never remember to switch a light off/close a door/slide a dining chair back under the table. Neither can he find anything - his method of searching a drawer is to put both hands in & then perform a curious scrabbling motion.

Paradoxically, he is a very good hooverer, baker,veg chopper, window cleaner, but he would be totally lost if he had to put the washer on.

He did volunteer to do the ironing once when my shoulder was bad, and I was almost biting my tongue in frustration watching him, as each garment became a marathon.

Needless to say, I love him to bits and after almost 43 years of marriage we are each aware of the other's shortcomings.

villier

Your lucky my ex did absolutely nothing and I mean nothing his ironing(that I done) would lie on the dining room table till it was used and back in the wash again, he was so untidy he would walk by the cupboard and hang his jacket over a dining room chair, there was always dishes in the sink as the dishwasher needed emptied(the dishwasher fairy emptied it). Good luck LV you are a smart cookie I am sure you will 'sort' him out xx

stickywicket

LignumVitae wrote:

To empty dishwasher - pile onto crying rack by sink

Oh LV, it's not so bad you've to have a crying rack, is it

dreamdaisy

He is a bloke and an Australian one to boot : they have a certain reputation which may be unjustified. I think you have mentioned that he comes from a dysfunctional family so this all sounds about right to me - who was there to teach him? He does, however, have his redeeming qualities and it is, after all, only housework. I can feel your frustration though: I remember being amazed when Mr DD rolled into hospital one evening with two clean and dry nighties for yours truly. How unfair that was by me. :oops: DD

barbara12

LV..I have bad news ,I have been married 45 years...its taken that long to train him :shock: saying that he likes washing up ..he is my dishwasher..

LignumVitae

He is very useful- give him some wood and he will make something. Give him a leak or something broken and he will sort it. He just needs training in the domestics - he does come from a very dysfunctional background and he spent lots of time living alone...those two things tend to create the love of piles and the crying rack being used as a shelf. He's very useful for sending to the shop on wet cold evenings when we have run out of milk! His prize behaviour is impeccable personal hygiene and always smelling sweet. Not too bad really!

tkachev

To put the washing on involves gathering up a huge pile of clothes and lumping them into the machine in one go. No pockets are checked, no sorting through to check an item which belongs to a different wash load is not caught up in this huge bundle.
Same with the dryer-all lumped together so the middle items never dry.

LignumVitae

Elizabeth - the golden part of the tumble dryer rule is that you leave the huge slightly damp ball of washing in there for somebody else to find a day or so later (after wondering where half the clothes had gone to) and rewash, dry and put away.

bubbadog

Mr bubbadog is a well weird one, he has an OCD to cleaning! Even though we have a house cleaner he has to go round at the weekend and any dusty spots he has to get rid of them and any dirt, fur or hair on the carpet he has to hoover again!! The whole point of getting the house cleaner was to take the pressure off him having to do so much at the weekend. He's pretty good when it comes to washing clothes he checks the labels and washes them as supposed to.

tkachev

LignumVitae wrote:

Elizabeth - the golden part of the tumble dryer rule is that you leave the huge slightly damp ball of washing in there for somebody else to find a day or so later (after wondering where half the clothes had gone to) and rewash, dry and put away.

In this house they would at best be removed and dumped in a heap on the ironing board for me to sort, iron and put away!

dreamdaisy

Am I alone in dry-ironing somewhat damp washing? I must admit it happens when the mood strikes but . . . . it has been known, it saves some of my time and much energy (both mine and the supplied type).

Once upon a time I had a tumble dryer but never again because static electricity was an issue - tumble-dried socks shouldn't hurt. :shock: I am prone to static, especially when using the rollator. DD

stickywicket

Nope, I've done that with the ironing but it requires two factors which rarely coincide ie damp washing and SW energy.

dreamdaisy wrote:

I am prone to static, DD

Oooh er, missus. Keep taking the meds