Housework definitions according to Mr LV

LignumVitae
LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
edited 5. Dec 2014, 04:17 in Community Chit-chat archive
I wonder how many of these are common or if they are all just Mr LVisms...

To tidy - create large, often precariously balanced, piles and move them from room to room according to where is being tidied. Checking through the pile is NOT your responsibility therefore empty envelopes can legitimately be in the pile(s).

To put away children's toys - see above, although this pile is always in one corner of the lounge and nowhere else and usually completed by the use of one foot.

To clean - definition as yet to be demonstrated, understood or undertaken

To sweep - the do a strip around the front door

To cook - empty bag of salad, warm accompanying protein in microwave, serve and wonder why toddlers refuse to eat. Alternative definition: walk to pizza shop

To wash up - cram it all in the dishwasher and if you can get away with it, then just keep putting the dishwasher on over and over again until any stains and truly welded on

To empty dishwasher - pile onto crying rack by sink because it apparently isn't bone dry enough once it has been through a dishwasher with drying cycle.

To wash clothes - place in washer, set programme, switch on and anything beyond that is a total mystery - dry washing goes into, you guessed it, a pile.

Inexplicably:
To vaccuum - remove all upright tools and insist on doing the bits of house you actually do vaccuum (two rugs) with the crevice tool and complain if anybody else just uses the normal upright function

To clean car - spend literally hours outside doing pathetically pointless things with lots of potions and then complain when it rains or a child dares eat in the car (or LV eats in the car :oops: ) or a dog possibly comes back from a walk with muddy feet and gets in the car.
Hey little fighter, things will get brighter

Comments

  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My hubby is probably the untidiest man in the world. He can never remember to switch a light off/close a door/slide a dining chair back under the table. Neither can he find anything - his method of searching a drawer is to put both hands in & then perform a curious scrabbling motion.

    Paradoxically, he is a very good hooverer, baker,veg chopper, window cleaner, but he would be totally lost if he had to put the washer on.

    He did volunteer to do the ironing once when my shoulder was bad, and I was almost biting my tongue in frustration watching him, as each garment became a marathon.

    Needless to say, I love him to bits and after almost 43 years of marriage we are each aware of the other's shortcomings.
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Your lucky :wink: my ex did absolutely nothing and I mean nothing his ironing(that I done) would lie on the dining room table till it was used and back in the wash again, he was so untidy he would walk by the cupboard and hang his jacket over a dining room chair, there was always dishes in the sink as the dishwasher needed emptied(the dishwasher fairy emptied it). Good luck LV you are a smart cookie I am sure you will 'sort' him out :D xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    To empty dishwasher - pile onto crying rack by sink

    :o Oh LV, it's not so bad you've to have a crying rack, is it :lol:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    He is a bloke and an Australian one to boot :wink: : they have a certain reputation which may be unjustified. I think you have mentioned that he comes from a dysfunctional family so this all sounds about right to me - who was there to teach him? He does, however, have his redeeming qualities and it is, after all, only housework. I can feel your frustration though: I remember being amazed when Mr DD rolled into hospital one evening with two clean and dry nighties for yours truly. How unfair that was by me. :oops: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    LV..I have bad news ,I have been married 45 years...its taken that long to train him :shock: :lol: saying that he likes washing up ..he is my dishwasher.. :)
    Love
    Barbara
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    He is very useful- give him some wood and he will make something. Give him a leak or something broken and he will sort it. He just needs training in the domestics - he does come from a very dysfunctional background and he spent lots of time living alone...those two things tend to create the love of piles and the crying rack :lol: being used as a shelf. He's very useful for sending to the shop on wet cold evenings when we have run out of milk! His prize behaviour is impeccable personal hygiene and always smelling sweet. Not too bad really!
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    To put the washing on involves gathering up a huge pile of clothes and lumping them into the machine in one go. No pockets are checked, no sorting through to check an item which belongs to a different wash load is not caught up in this huge bundle.
    Same with the dryer-all lumped together so the middle items never dry.
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Elizabeth - the golden part of the tumble dryer rule is that you leave the huge slightly damp ball of washing in there for somebody else to find a day or so later (after wondering where half the clothes had gone to) and rewash, dry and put away.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mr bubbadog is a well weird one, he has an OCD to cleaning! Even though we have a house cleaner he has to go round at the weekend and any dusty spots he has to get rid of them and any dirt, fur or hair on the carpet he has to hoover again!! The whole point of getting the house cleaner was to take the pressure off him having to do so much at the weekend. He's pretty good when it comes to washing clothes he checks the labels and washes them as supposed to.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Elizabeth - the golden part of the tumble dryer rule is that you leave the huge slightly damp ball of washing in there for somebody else to find a day or so later (after wondering where half the clothes had gone to) and rewash, dry and put away.

    In this house they would at best be removed and dumped in a heap on the ironing board for me to sort, iron and put away!
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Am I alone in dry-ironing somewhat damp washing? I must admit it happens when the mood strikes but . . . . it has been known, it saves some of my time and much energy (both mine and the supplied type).

    Once upon a time I had a tumble dryer but never again because static electricity was an issue - tumble-dried socks shouldn't hurt. :shock: I am prone to static, especially when using the rollator. DD

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    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Nope, I've done that with the ironing but it requires two factors which rarely coincide ie damp washing and SW energy.
    dreamdaisy wrote:
    I am prone to static, DD

    Oooh er, missus. Keep taking the meds :wink:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright