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Had a cry...

DizzyDizzy Posts: 27
edited 26. Jan 2015, 05:54 in Living with Arthritis archive
Seem to have done nothing but ask question and moan since I joined, but I spent this morning looking at the esa50 with my Mum and she said something along the lines of 'I'll do all I can while I can' and boy does she but ever since all I can think of is what do I do when they're no longer here.

I have few friends, only 2 close friends one of which lives away and I know they would help me but they have lives.

I just found myself in tears this afternoon and really needed to let it out.

I would love to be able to get out more but cannot self-propel my chair, drive or use my mobility scooter for long and there seems to be a lack of things to do in my area that I can participate in and I'm often unable to do activities (crochet for example) for longer than about 20-25 without setting off the aches and pains. I also have very little confidence especially when meeting new people.

I have never been one for feeling sorry for myself but today I just felt so lonely and now I feel like I'm whining a bit, so while I can't think of a solution, hopefully just getting it out will help a bit.

Comments

  • villiervillier Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Dizzy welcome to the forum, that's what the forum is all about to let out your frustrations we are here to help as much as we can. Regarding your esa50 form go too the CAB and they will actually fill the form in for you hopefully there is one near you, you could also phone them to see if they do home visits I am not sure about this. I hope you feel a bit better soon let us know how you get on.

    Marie x
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • DizzyDizzy Posts: 27
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks, I don't have many days like this but when they come it's with a vengeance.

    Mum and I are going through the form (in preparation for the real thing which is on its way) question by question but if we hit a bump will definitely call CAB.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We all have our low times and the forum is a boon because we know how it feels. Facing form-filling is always daunting, especially the benefits-related ones because they are vital, we have all read the scare stories (odd how we never hear about the ones that go through smoothly but where's the news in that?) and so much appears to hang on them.

    Many of us are similarly 'trapped' due to lack of ability or stamina (or both) and that can add to the pressure. It's always easier to say what we cannot do rather than turn it on its head and concentrate on what we can, that's human nature. I hope you soon feel a little brighter in yourself. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    We all get days when the future can look quite bleak, dizzy, so no apology needed. I am acutely aware of how dependent I am on Mr SW and how I'd struggle without him.

    You say you can't drive but I wonder if you could, with adaptions and encouragement. I only learnt to drive when I got my first Motability car. It had a couple of adaptions and I had a great driving instructor who'd taught a few disabled people.

    If you try googling 'disabled' then the place where you live you might find there's more going off than you realised. If you're not much of a 'joiner' it'll be difficult but so rewarding. Maybe you could help others. I'd only been doing Riding for the Disabled for a very short time (Have you thought of it? Or carriage driving? They do that too.) when I found myself on first my group's committee then the regional one. 'Volunteer England' is, I believe, one website that helps to find posts for volunteers and also http://www.do-it.org.uk/ helps people to find suitable posts in their own area. Even if you're only doing the occasional tin collection in a supermarket you meet lots of interesting people.

    Some of the disabled people I rode with lived in small communities – not huge residential care just large houses with care staff. Might this be a possibility for you? You'd be independent of your Mum and she'd know you were well looked after.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • theresaktheresak Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm so sorry you're feeling very down at present - sometimes when we have to fill forms in it is brought home to us the difficulties we encounter daily. There are some days when I feel very 'mortal,' now that I`'ve reached a 'certain age.' I, too, don't know where I'd be without my husband, but I try to fill my days with various things.

    I hope your low patch soon passes.
  • DizzyDizzy Posts: 27
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    SW I should have been clearer, I can drive but gave it up because it caused too much pain in my shoulders, even with the adaptations.

    I will however Google activities in my area :)

    Thanks everyone!
  • hileena111hileena111 Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Dizzy
    Welcome.....we all feel like that some time or other.
    I had a day (about 4 days ago) and for that day I was so tearful and it took nothing to start me off again.
    OK.....you say you have no friends......where do you live? What end of the country?
    If you check the front of the website you should be able to find Arthritis Care Groups......is there one anywhere close to you?
    I joined out Arthritis Care branch....about 30 mins drive away but the nearest there is to me...... a long time ago....I'm a volunteer for them and that really helps me.
    Also the people at the branch are all in the same boat....some kind of arthritis or other. Pain is pain is pain. :roll:
    The thing is you have friends, don't have to keep up with them cause they cant go very fast either :lol:
    Its nice to be with people that understand what you are going through.
    We meet once a month but have lots of things in between times. Yoga, seated zumba, walking {with crutches/stick/on 2 feet or even on scooter if you are particularly sore that day or need it}

    As for getting to it {if there is one} if like mine its not very close. I'm sure there will be someone that could give you a lift. I know I take a lady that hasn't got a car. I've had 2 hip replacements, am on crutches permanently and a few other things :wink: but at least I can drive. Well driving is no worse than it ever was :lol:

    Love
    Hileena
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes, driving is a tricky one. I gave it up once my sons left home as I no longer needed to be a daily taxi. I found driving every day was just about possible but driving 2-3 days per week meant that everything was much more painful. I did the maths and took taxis :lol:

    How are things today, Dizzy?
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • DizzyDizzy Posts: 27
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Feeling a bit better today, the two days of pain seem to have passed for now.

    Don't think there's an arthritis care group where I live but will check where the nearest one is.

    Despite have 2 THR's and 2 TKR's it's the upper limbs which stop me lol.

    Hopefully the methotrexate will do something and once all the stress of forms etc (and the horrid cold weather which does not help!) has gone I can concentrate on me.
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm glad you feel a bit better and hope it lasts.

    I wonder if you'd be better with an electric wheelchair rather than a mobility scooter. There's much less leaning and hand-work. I once looked into scooters and was advised I shouldn't and should go for an electric wheelchair instead.

    I suspect all the anxiety over the form-filling isn't helping your joints right now. Alas, there's no easy way out of that.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • DizzyDizzy Posts: 27
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Pain issues aside the scooter is good for carrying shopping etc but will investigate electric wheelchairs.

    I think the combination of the forms, the cold and general winter and arthritis blues just got on top of me.

    Thanks to everyone for their replies. It's hard to explain how you feel to people who haven't experienced arthritis.

    In the short term I'm going to try and learn to draw/paint, something I can use my better hand for!
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good for you, that sounds like a plan and we like plans! DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • hileena111hileena111 Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    Once this awful cold goes we will all feel a bit better.
    Its dreadful and I don't think anyone's joints enjoy it :?
    Mine certainly don't and complain a lot :wink:
    Love
    Hileena
  • dachshunddachshund Posts: 7,837 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Dizzy
    I have oa and cerebal palsy I have a mobility scoota I can take my dog for a walk oa can be wear you out I think try and keep busy it keeps your mind active we are going to a disabled gym near us today.
    tak care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
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