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very tearful

18amandah18amandah Posts: 57
edited 28. Jan 2015, 13:26 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi sorry to be a pain to you all !! But I am finding it difficult pre my Hip op. I am getting things into place. But still a way to go. We have a lady , who lives here & she will not do personnel care so in otherwords, my Poor Hubby will struggle himself upstairs to help me get into bed. I am really dreading this. social services are providing 1 carer to help Hubby get out of his bed in the mornings, and watch him. I can bounce off her if needed then in the evenings this so called lodger will we hope help. But some how, I have my doubts as to whether or not she is that bothered. !! I am so sad and cant stop crying at times.Anxiety is through the roof. Poor Hubby feels upset for me as he knows I am so scared. Anyway sorry to moan. regards Amandah


  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello again, you are having a tricky time aren't you? The weeks before an operation are always worrying because of the concerns about after and how things are going to be. I can't help on the personal care front because that is not applicable to me but I slept in our dining room for weeks after my ops, our old house had a ground floor bathroom and it made life so much easier. Mind you, once I was healed and went back upstairs life became harder.

    You have time to sort these details out, to find out who will (or won't) do what, are you already involved with Social Services? DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done you for getting things into place. That does sound more optimistic than your last post.

    I can't quite follow all you're saying. Is the lady who lives there a lodger or friend? It is understandable, especially if she's just a lodger, that she might not want to get too involved with personal care but I'm not sure it will be necessary for your husband to help you. It's normal to ensure that people can do stairs etc before discharge. Admittedly, getting to bed and up, washed, dressed etc can be exhausting but I think I only required help because of my RA in other joints not because of the THRs. Break things up into smaller, individual tasks and they become easier.

    I don't understand the 'bouncing off' your husband's carer. Are you saying you can enlist the carer's help for yourself? If so do check this out with Social Services first because I know such carers are on a very tight schedule so it would be unlikely they'd be either wiling or able to do extra work.

    Have confidence in yourself, Amanda. I'm sure you have inner strength and resources which you can bring to the fore.
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I was given a raised toilet seat by Social Services before my first knee synovectomy - that might also be useful for you but I am not sure about hips and their requirements not having one done. I know there is the 90 degree rule, i.e. you must not bend the new hop joint beyond 90 degrees for some time after surgery (possibly forever? I don't know) and you will not be able to shower until your scar has properly healed, so it will be a matter of flannel washing and maybe ignoring your hair (we are all familiar with post-op hair).

    If your husband has had someone allocated for his care then they cannot be expected (and won't anyway) extend that to you. These people are poorly paid and on very tight schedules, and if the other person you mention is a lodger then again, she cannot be expected to help out. You will not be discharged from hospital until you are properly mobile, I had no trouble in taking care of myself after my ops (apart from the double carpal tunnel, that was more challenging especially concerning toilet matters, I think my husband has recovered from that experience!) it was more a case of everything taking longer but obviously I had the time to spare.

    I guess the time you have to prepare is a double-edged sword in that it also gives you more time to become agitated and fretful. This is something that will change your life in terms of mobility and pain levels - many have had this done (Barbara12 was as fearful as you and surprised herself at how well she coped) so try to focus on the positives that will result including better mobility and reduced pain. You are doing the right things with the exercises and getting things in place and I have no doubt that you will cope afterwards - it's amazing the depths we can find when we need. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • GraciesmumGraciesmum Posts: 27
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Amandah

    I really understand your fears, I nearly cancelled my new knee, but I went and 5 weeks on I am starting to recover- yes it has been that long.

    I believe you can shower as there are waterproof dressings available so a quick once a day might sort out washing and hair, even every other day. I had a wash at the kitchen sink for about a week till I could get upstairs but we do have a loo downstairs, and didn't bother with my hair, only did it once under the tap. I am sleeping downstairs too, like DD, still, and in no hurry to move back up yet- it's easier for me and make things as easy for you as you can too.

    Remember freezer meals for a while- we are still often eating ready meals, it's fine for now.

    I too cried a lot and was advised by arthritis care to see my GP and get help from her as sometimes if you are depressed it is hard to see beyond that. Sometimes anti depressants can lift your mood, just short term, to help you cope. I didn't go but wish I had really as I still cry sometimes but as I improve, I cry less.

    Meanwhile I expect you may be entitled to some sort of assessment/help yourself from social services and again your GP can advise- please do go to your GP and tell him/her how you feel.

    If I hadn't had my husband here, or if like your husband he couldn't help me, I would not have managed without someone coming in. They sent me home barely able to get to the loo and stairs were impossible. GOSH!! life is hard sometimes but I promise you will feel better and do keep talking to the wonderful folk on here who are life savers, certainly helped me more than once.

    Sending healing hugs and I really wish you well, let us know how you are.

    Sue XX
  • hileena111hileena111 Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Amanda
    I know we have pm'd each other but one thing I don't think I mentioned was hair washing.
    Online you can buy shampoo that doesn't need water. So no bending over.
    You can just sit down on a seat, {it comes in a squeezy bottle }and squeeze some over your hair then lather it, I was surprised how well it lathered. Then you towel dried it. Once again I didn't think it would work but it felt great afterwards.
    Same idea as a dry shampoo that you spray on but that tends to leave a chalky feeling.....this just felt clean.
    The only thing is I didn't find it when I had my THR's.......it was afterwards I came across it.
    I always keep a bottle in the bathroom. Sometimes my back is very sore, my hair needs washing and I don't think I can bend because I'm sore......its times like that it is very handy.
    Get everything you need done to your hair before you go in LOL
    Then occasionally I had a hairdressing appointment that I wouldn't normally have.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, we're a few days on now, how are you getting on? DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It is a big worry. I hope it has all gone well and you are both being well cared for.

    Once the op is done you should notice the difference with much less pain. You just need to be able to recover at a reasonable pace rather than feel you need to overdo things.

    Elizabeth xx
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
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