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The shelf, the milk bottle and half the morning

stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
edited 28. Jan 2015, 04:54 in Living with Arthritis archive
Life had always intended me to be a slut. I could never enthuse about cleanliness or domesticity and, when arthritis removed some possibilities for these, there was as much rejoicing as regret. However, some minimal standards have to be maintained so this morning I set myself to clean the little shelves on the fridge door.

All went well until I came to replace them. The milk bottle looked askew and that particular shelf had shown some reluctance in the past to sit properly in its groove. Just as I moved to check it the entire lot slid down onto the shelf below with the almost-full milk bottle hurtling itself at the floor and the shelf itself following.

I stood in the milk and contemplated the large jars of pickled onions, olives and beetroot, now sitting very precariously on top of the contents of the lower shelf. The phone rang. (Doesn't it always in such circumstances?) I ignored it. Despite being at full stretch, and instantly regretting my need to ensure tops were NEVER tightly screwed on, I succeeded in transferring them, one by slidey one, to the kitchen unit. There was a near catastrophe with the beetroot as its top came off in my hand but I was sustained by a vision of Mr SW returning from golf to find his wife sitting on the floor in a mixture of broken glass, milk and beetroot juice. I performed a neat slip catch that my menfolk would be proud of. It was all very difficult and time-consuming so, at this point, I declared half-time and returned to my cup of coffee and the friend who'd been trying to ring when it all kicked off.

Refreshed and restored, I went back to the kitchen chaos. My hands were not designed to wield and squeeze mops or lift heavy buckets of water but, bit by bit, the milk ended up in the mop bucket and the bits of glass in the dustbin via a cardboard box and the long-handled dustpan and brush. I was in the middle of mopping clean the floor when the phone rang again. Another friend. Another welcome break.

After a few laughs I put down the phone and finished mopping the floor. Shuffling around on an old towel quickly dried it and all that was left for my golfer when he returned was to empty the bucket and vac the hall carpet of those teeniest fragments of glass which lurk invisibly for days until you go around in bare feet.

This was not the morning I had planned and I have now returned happily to slutdom - but with a smug smile of satisfaction and achievement :D
“There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken


  • barbara12barbara12 Posts: 20,942 ✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    SW that conjured up so many pictures of you juggling the jars or trying to :o ..but you got there in the end has they say... :lol: cant wait for the next escapade.. :wink: x
  • migmig Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Cleaning our fridge is a work in progress cause there's always Humira in it ,so it gets done a tiny bit at a time,tomorrow it's the salad drawer,if it's open too long an alarm will sound ,we had to buy it as hubby was in the habit of leaving it open.So the inside is never pristine but passable by my standards. Mig
  • theresaktheresak Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, SW, how I enjoyed reading of your morning (mis)adventures!! Thank goodness you had a couple of 'time-outs.'

    I have fallen foul of the 'don't screw the tops too tightly' rule , when Nick has barely fastened them at all, and contents have discharged themselves over floor or tablecloth.

    Be sure and keep us all up to date with the next chapter in 'The Adventures of Sticky.'

    PS England need a good slip-fielder with quick hands.
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear, that all sounds horribly busy and complicated, and probably didn't fit in with your Monday plans (whatever they may have been). :( As usual you write with humour and illuminate the more light-hearted side, especially the bit about Mr SW coming home and finding you seated amidst a puddle of glass-ridden pink juice: that is a vivid image which I hope to lose before bed time :wink: . DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dibdabdibdab Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear, what a start to the week! Hope the day got better.
    RA has given me hands which seem to delight in dropping stuff......lately my ill founded attempts to retrieve things from cupboard shelves has led to many things decorating the kitchen units and floor (and on several occasions the startled puppy who is my shadow) including sugar, coffee, jar of pickled onions (loosely fastened till it hit the deck...the smell lasted days), soft brown sugar for baking, the dried fruit and a large container of gravy granules, not to mention 4 pint bottle of milk from the fridge. Luckily my lovely OH is usually close enough to help clear up and cheer up when I get oh so frustrated at my limitations and clumsiness. :(

    One of the joys of this site is the sense that we're not alone in the frustrations. Thanks for sharing.

    Deb x
  • GraceBGraceB Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    I'm sorry you've had a difficult morning and on a Monday as well.

    I have to admit that I did smile at your graphic descriptions of what had happened. Sorry. :oops:

    On a positive note, you now know exactly what's in your fridge and the quantities of each, plus you've got a spotless floor, and had two lovely chats with friends. So, not all bad.

    I really hope that your Tuesday is a non eventful day for you.

    Take care,
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Your description of what happened is so vivid, have you ever thought of getting in touch with a cartoonist, it could be the start of a whole new craze! Seriously though I do admire you for how you manage to see the funny side in things that would reduce many of us to tears of anger and frustration
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • dreamdaisydreamdaisy Posts: 31,567 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    The funny side is always there but it can take some time to develop the skill of learning to see it first (having a sense of humour helps!) It is a valuable weapon in the armoury of coping with life because it makes dealing with the anger and frustrations easier. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your commiserations and fellow tales of woe. (Aren't we all brilliant 'copers'?)

    Tezz, I think my catching skills are not quite up to England standards though I do have a mean underarm leggie thanks to my thumb lying across the palm of my hand :D

    Slosh – a cartoonist in the SW household. I dread to think of the results :oops:
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • LignumVitaeLignumVitae Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This did give me a much needed giggle as your posts so often do, thank you! It brought to mind the phrases 'needs must when the devil drives' and 'necessity is the mother of all invention'.
    The idea of managing to catch the beetroot is one of those things where you find a way to manage even if you know you can't really - can you imagine the mess beetroot juice would have added to the whole catastrophe?!
    My fridge is an experimental breeding ground but we are all still here. I do try and keep it a bit clean but it doesn't always stay that way.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • appleroseapplerose Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It sounds as if you've had a very busy day. I'm so glad you always find the funny side of everything. It did give me a giggle.
  • RoadbackRoadback Posts: 35
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Great writing bsk.... So funny and sad at the same time... Sounds like the ending of the Italian Job that never happened!

    : :)
  • LadybrownLadybrown Posts: 130
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh my what a busy morning!

    You were clearly right to be slovenly - cleaning is much too much like hard work :lol: A friend's mother once said "you'll never be remembered for a tidy house" and I have every intention of being the opposite!!

    Thanks for the smile :D
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,998 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you. LV, applerose, roadback and ladybrown. I promise you there'll be more to come. There always is :roll: :lol:
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
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