Lost the plot today

Slosh

Not the best of weeks.
Finally gave in and took two days off due to fatigue which wasn't going away despite spending most of the weekend in bed (apart from a visit to my daughter and grandsons ).
Saw my GP who was quite happy to write me a letter in support of my PIP assessment but hearing him dictate it was a shock.
Back to work Wednesday, and then a big problem caused by my cover when I was off sick emerged and a piece of paperwork which is a legal requirement does not appear to have been done and circulated correctly. There is no copy either hard or on the computer and it has implications for a pupil with a statement moving to secondary school in September.
Asked head about working from home one day a week and he is not sold on the idea.
Was very down yesterday and then fell apart this morning after a stressful CP meeting, trying to deal with the fall out of the lost paperwork, and then an email from my head saying he had referred me to HR and OH for advice

There were tears!

Saw my head after school who reassured me that he is not trying to do anything underhand but wants to find the best way to support me. He also wants me to be honest with him if I am struggling and finding the demands of my job too much.
I want to trust him but have been "dumped" on by heads in the past.
I will contact my union tomorrow if I get the chance to get their advice and have been approved for counselling so need to contact the relevant agency to set that up.

Just feeling totally overwhelmed at the moment and it just all seems too much, especially with a forthcoming physio assessment to see if my new programme is making a difference and then my PIP assessment. At one point today I even threatened to go back to my GP and get him to sign me off sick!

Treating myself this evening. Long hot bath, and now some nice chocolate and it's definitely one of the times I miss being able to have a drink!

Sorry to do this but I just had to get it out of my system as I've still got tomorrow to get through.

dibdab

No answers just lots of hugs ((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))).

I remember the feeling of trying to pick up the pieces after supply teachers didn't do the job properly.....I only once took an extended absence ( a month with chest infection and pleurisy) and got back to find class sets of maths and literacy books mostly unmarked.......so I told the head in no uncertain terms I wasn't going back to mark retrospectively then promptly lost the plot and burst in to tears :oops: I have to say for me it was the point I decided to take work part time then take early retirement within 12 months, but I was lucky to be in a position of being able to do so with an amazingly supportive hubby and our mortgage finished and twins grown up and standing on their own feet.

So I hope the long bath and chocolate have helped you relax...and you get some decent sleep tonight. Try to be as gentle with yourself as you can.

Deb xx

Slosh

Thanks Dibdab. I have told my head I will give him a copy of the letter my GP has written me for my PIP assessment because he is right when he says if he is to be able to support me he needs me to be honest and open. Just not that easy as arthritis any my other problems have taken away so many things that I used to do that my job feels like almost the only thing left of the "old" me so I am frightened of admitting how much I am struggling as I don't want to loose it as well, let alone the financial implications of still having 8 years to pay on my mortgage. Think I really need half-term and a good break not just to rest but to think things out clearly.
Still my daughter is due to have her baby at the end of this month/start of next so that's something to look forward to.

LignumVitae

Oh Slosh (((((()))))) I'm not surprised you lost it. Everybody does at some point and you've been dealing with so much and had so many things to think about. The old you will always be with you. She's the one with the spirit and strength to get up and work at helping others each and every day. In future hopefully she will be the one who finds a way to do that in a way that's more gentle on her body. Keep thinking of the miracle to come at the end of the month. There's something to put a smile on your face and here are more (((((()))))) to keep you going. Take care of yourself, you've worked so hard for so long to keep going I think you might have forgotten how much of an achievement that is in itself and how few people would have stayed the distance

Slosh

Thanks LV. That was a great message to open in the morning and is particularly appreciated when you are having to deal with big changes to your working life. Getting it out of my system helped and hopefully I will be able to start my counselling soon. I have reflected on this week and will also arrange to meet with my head and be open with him as I have to be honest with him and myself that I am struggling. Still tomorrow is Saturday!

dreamdaisy

You didn't lose the plot, you were overwhelmed by so many aspects of not being as you were and dealing with the chaos caused by a careless substitute. We've all been there and done that when juggling the demands of work, house, family, money and our stupid bodies. I am not surprised that you are so tired, you are demanding a great deal of yourself, so much so that even a weekend in bed won't sort matters. In an ideal world I'd have you going in on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, working from home Friday and Monday but only for half of those two days: Friday morning and Monday afternoon. Ah, livin' the dream!

Something has to give, Slosh, and preferably not in the form of your total collapse. You've come too far, and achieved too much, to let that happen. DD

dibdab

Just dropped by to say hope you slept well and today feels a little less overwhelming.
Being honest and open with your boss will, I'm sure, be a positive thing in the long term. Admitting our vulnerabilities and struggles to ourselves is often the hardest step, but it's the first step on the next part of your journey. Maybe I can share something my son said to me (he's amazingly wise for one so young, but maybe it's all the work he's done in A&E departments, seeing things that I can hardly imagine dealing with), one day when I really was struggling he said "you know mum life changes for us all, sometimes rapidly and sometimes more gradually, and you're strong and it will be okay, it will be a different kind of okay, but it will be okay. You're always going to be you, with all your special attributes, and this stupid disease will never change that."

So Slosh, it will be okay, and as you adjust to that new kind of okay you'll still be the uniquely talented and caring person that Slosh always was, maybe a bit slower to move around, but no less special and important. Being honest with the boss isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength which gives you a layer of understanding and empathy that others wont have to bring to the table.

Have a good weekend with lots of "me " time.

Deb x

stickywicket

((()))

theresak

I do feel for you, Slosh, and wish I could do something to help.

Thinking of you,

Tezz x

dreamdaisy

Hello. ((( ))) DD

Slosh

Thank you all for your continuing encouragement.
Dibdab, thank you for sharing that with me, it is really helpful.

DD I like that idea!

I was able to meet with my head and another senior member of staff who is the main link with HR this afternoon which was good. I went prepared with tissues and managed to be open and honest with them, (and myself). It wasn't easy but they both listened and were understanding. As the head said none of tnis is my fault, and he also pointed out that ironically since returning to work full-time I have had a very good sickness record as this week was the first time I had taken any days off.
He also explained that the reason he was involving HR was because dealing with a member of staff with a disability was something new to him, as it is to me and he wants advice on how best to support me. We didn't go into details but things that are likely to be considered will be reduced working hours, some elements of working from home and modifications and/or changes to my role in school. He also said that due to one senior member of staff retiring this year, and uncertainty around the return of another from maternity leave he would be looking at the whole Inclusion team. Best of all he still sees me as having a role to play in that.
I have said I will give him copies of all my medical reports as he said the more information provided the better. We also agreed it would be good for me to contact my union for advice.

I know it will take time and that probably it will be September before any changes take place but I'm happy with that as I'd rather things were done well and it will give me time to adjust.

It was pretty hard but I am glad we were able to meet at the end of a week, and although I still a little emotional when I returned to my office, once I had had a cuppa I actually felt better for getting it off my chest.

Now in my jim-jams and I have a feeling they may stay on until Monday morning.

Once again, thank you all.

Megrose489

That sounds like a really good meeting. I'm pleased that your head is so supportive and willing to learn how best to support you.

Take care and have a good (and relaxing) weekend.

Meg

stickywicket

I love your determination. Yes, being honest with others is only possible if one is first honest with oneself and that can be the truly difficult bit.

I am cautiously optimistic – but don't get out of the pyjamas just yet

barbara12

Hello Slosh
I just want to add to the hugs..you really do need some me time, hopefully things will improve very soon for you , I'm so glad that work are behind you like this, it must make such a difference and to be told your work record is good..you take care..(((())) xx

villier

((((()))))xx

dibdab

Weekend hugs coming your way. You made a big step forward into the new "okay" when you shared with your head, well done you for finding the courage and resolve to go there.

Hope your weekend is restful. HUgs coming your way. (((( ))))).

Deb xx

Slosh

Well it's 4.30, I'm out of bed for the third time today, breakfast, lunch and now, still in my jim-jams and resting well, thank goodness for the radio iplayer as I lay in bed and if there's noth g on radio 4 to doze off to, sorry listen to, I usually find something to catch up on, on readio 4 extra.

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement, it helps so much.

I also have a feeling that now I have "fessed up" at work, I will feel more ready to take time off work when I need it rather than struggle on in and have a less than productive day as a result.
I don't think there will be any developments soon but be assured I will keep you posted.

stickywicket

Please do keep us posted though I think, with that off your mind (to some extent) you will be more relaxed and the arthritis won't have quite such an enjoyable environment in which to flourish.

Slosh, I have Radio 4 on every morning to wake up to. And I do. And I consider whether or not I need to get up immediately. And, if not, I decided to listen for a while to something really interesting. And promptly fall asleep again :oops:

Slosh

Isn't radio 4 wonderful for that Sticky.
I have copied all my medical reports to take in to school tomorrow as requested by my head, and at least I have the satisfaction of having given returning to work full-time my best shot.

My plan tomorrow is to contact my union and then it's a case of wait and see, I'm also going to ask my head for a letter to take to my PIP assessment.

stickywicket

How's the week going, Slosh?

Slosh

Hi Sticky
Well I nearly phoned in sick today but pushed myself to go in, I had some observations to do and I didn't want any more stick from staff because I had to cancel the observations as I got before. I also spent time sorting out some new resources as my brain wasn't up to serious thought and realised too late that was not the best idea! Still just tomorrow to get through and then half-term.

I have spoken to my union who were very helpful, signposted me to their guidance on flexible working and how to apply, and also told me that as a disabled person I am covered by the equalities act which means it is much harder for my request to be refused.

I'm going to start on that next week, but my main focus is my PIP assessment which is coming up shortly. I'm also going to tell the head that I'm happy to continue full-time for the rest of this school year to save leaving him short staffed and to allow time for any recruitment needed as a result. From how I'm feeling though I think if I can work out the finances three days would be my preferred option.

Thanks for checking in,

dreamdaisy

I feel for you, it must be so hard to juggle everyone's needs and wants around your own (which, by the way, are paramount). I am pleased that your union has confirmed that you should be considered under the guidelines of The Equalities Act - and rightly so. You have much to offer in terms of experience and knowledge, and now it should be on your terms but alas, the everyday world doesn't work like that. DD

stickywicket

Sometimes I feel exhausted just reading of your days, Slosh. No-one could ever accuse you of lack of effort. I hope all goes well with both the union and PIP. Nearly weekend again

Slosh

Sorry to have tbat effect on you Sticky! Still not only is the weekend nearly here but even better it's half-term week!

stickywicket

Thank goodness! We can both relax