I know it's not much but.....

Graciesmum

There are some incredibly brave people on here who deal with so much pain and immobility day after day ....I take my hat off to you and especially those who constantly log on here to help others.
I just feel rubbish. Post TKR is difficult. Physio is difficult. It hurts and my knee isn't really bending as it should. I don't do my exercises as I should, I can't force it because it hurts.

I had put a picture on face book yesterday showing a jigsaw I have finished while recovering from my op. My daughter bought it for me , I enjoyed doing it very much and commented I was sort of sad I'd finished it.
Lots of lovely comments from people saying glad you enjoyed it, etc, and try this one on line, you know how it goes.

Last comment from my son in law -"why don't you use the time to do your PHYSIO" - just like that.

Now I know it doesn't sound much but it has left me so tearful. I honestly do try and I worry very much I am not progressing. I am blubbing all over the place, I feel so near to tears all the time something like this just finishes me off.

I really felt like answering him with maybe he should use his time to drink less alcohol and consider Weight Watchers.....but I feel a dignified silence will speak louder. People in glass houses and all that.

Sorry it seems like very little- compared to what some other people are going through- and venting it on here has dried my tears.

Love to all

Sue XX

LignumVitae

Oh Sue, that is awful of him and I am not surprised it hasn't left you feeling happy. I think people underestimate how hard a body is working to repair after an operation and that is before exercising...plus you can't do nothing other than exercise, you do need to rest in between exercises. It sounds like he's been a little foolish and rude to say the least. Now, go back on to facebook and like all the comments in reply to your post except for his and then write something along the lines of 'thank you all of those who took the time to post kind and considerate comments, your thoughts and kindness are appreciated'. I would then spend the rest of your life cultivating a role as the mother in law from hell My gran was a sweet old lady but fabulous at evil comments to people such as 'biscuit anybody? I don't suppose you want one though Arthur given your belly' followed by a sweet smile...you don't have to be as blatant as 'you know how to put that drink away fatty' but I'm sure you can be a smiling knife. By the way, what does your daughter think? I would be very unhappy with Mr LV for that kind of behaviour (not that he would do it). Take care and don't let it get to you, just focus on your recovery and getting better. (((())))

Graciesmum

Oh thank you, how your reply has made me smile!!!

It's a different daughter- in fact this son in law is married to my step daughter so he's a step son in law!

You are so right, we forget how the major surgery takes it out of us. What other operation would they be saying get moving, do it , do it, or you will be sorry.

I did "like" all the other comments and not his.

I think it's just the way I'm feeling. Another day I might have told him to "go away" in the style of Mrs Brown's Boys.

Such a long recovery, I can't drive yet and the weather doesn't help. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself I suppose.

Thank you for lifting a very sad person into a smiley one...XXX

stickywicket

Sue, I don't do Facebook. I don't like anything about it and partly that is because people seem to feel free to say things they wouldn't say to others face to face, often hurtful things or maybe things that sound hurtful because of the lack of context. I suspect your son-in-law saw his comment as just a 'witty' throwaway line but, in the actual context of how badly you are feeling about your TKR and the achievement you felt at completing the jigsaw, it really hit home.

I seem to remember you were quite depressed after your partial knee replacement and were recently worried about getting so again following this latest TKR and a difficult time in getting the knee to bend. However, you then said things were improving with the help of the 'knee bend' machine and you were achieving more.

Now it seems to have all gone a bit pear-shaped and your son-in-law's comment has been the last straw. It was unkind and unnecessary but it's clear, from the rest of your post, that you are genuinely worried again about the knee and your perceived lack of progress.

I won't give you any 'flannell' (as we call it in these parts) but, if you don't do the exercises the knee won't improve. It does hurt to push the bend but none of us can tell you why it hurts so much for you so we can't advise you either to push through the pain or to rest up. Only the medics can do that. If your physio is happy then you can be happy. If your physio wants you to go through the pain then you should aim for that. If you're no longer sure, you should get back to the physio, the ward, or the GP and explain the problem.

As I recall, it's still only a matter of weeks since your op so there's absolutely no need to panic but, if you're not doing the physio because it's too painful you really need to get advice on where to go from here or you'll end up stuck in limbo and that, alone, is a depressing situation.

Starburst

Oh Sue, I feel for you. The trouble with Facebook (and social media in general) is that you cannot read tone and intent. Perhaps he did not mean it like that? And you know what, even if he did, it's easy to say and much harder to do!

It's ok to feel overwhelmed and tearful, you don't have to feel that your suffering is not the same as anyone else's because it is your own and it is equally valid. I really wanted to say that because you are worthy of knowing that.

Starburst

Oh Sue, I feel for you. The trouble with Facebook (and social media in general) is that you cannot read tone and intent. Perhaps he did not mean it like that? And you know what, even if he did, it's easy to say and much harder to do!

It's ok to feel overwhelmed and tearful, you don't have to feel that your suffering is not the same as anyone else's because it is your own and it is equally valid. I really wanted to say that because you are worthy of knowing that.

dreamdaisy

It is much but . . . I reckon he has a point which may not have been well-expressed thanks to the dull impact of print: we cannot see a face or hear the tone of voice. Any post-op exercises hurt, but the more you push yourself the hurt dwindles, which has to be a good thing.

I have not had a TKR (or even a partial KR) but, after my first open synovectomy, I was told by the surgeon that I could not leave hospital until I had mastered a certain exercise. (When he eventually tackled the knee it was 27" in circumference with solidified inflammation, caused by an auto-immune arthritis.) Eighteen months later I did, but luckily a more enlightened physio granted my leave after just a week post-op. They were not an easy fourteen months or so but the joy when I did it made it all worth while. And then they repeated the op. :roll:

Our lives are painful. I wish they weren't but they are and we have to persevere regardless. DD

GraceB

Sue,

We've been PM'ing each other recently and you've been a great help to me, so thank you.

I can't comment re F***b***k as I don't use it. What I would say is that sometimes an individual can say something and the context of what they're trying to say can be lost in the telling, or come across in completely the wrong way.

With regards to the physio issues, is there any way you could place a phone call and seek advice? Recent years, whenever I've had physio I was told 'stretching and pulling is good; pain is bad'. Years ago, they seemed to delight in seeing you squirm in pain, but this does seem to have changed.

If you can't get hold of your physio, what about ringing your consultant's secretary and asking for a phone call? If all else fails your GP should be able to give some guidance. You may have just reached a plateau; it can happen.

If doing 10 repetitions causes pain, check with the physio if you should do 7 each time and then gradually build it up. Don't do anything without checking though.

You've made great strides already. We all get days when things don't seem to go that well - you know that only too well from our recent communications. Dust yourself down, take a deep breath and try to have the approach that if you've had a bad day today then tomorrow may be a better one. Look forward - not backwards.

Just keep going; you'll get there. It's hard work but you know that from your first TKR recovery. Don't let it beat you.

Take care,
GraceB

barbara12

Hello Sue
This is facebook Im afraid and can imagine how hurtful it was, I only go on to view pics of my family..
When I had my THR,I was fine for a few weeks ..in pain but not to bad..then suddenly panic set in...I came on here to have a moan ...I do think at the beginning there is so much going on, and then after awhile you start to think is this it..in my case I thought I would never be able to lay on that side..or the other because that also has to be replaced..so you just take your time, put all you can into the exercises..and you will get there..good luck and I hope its not long before you havea painless knee..x

Graciesmum

Thank you all for the trouble you take to answer and try to help. I have to say I have been trying really hard- son in law lives far away and has no idea if I'm climbing mountains or lying in bed all day because he hasn't asked. He visited early post op and stayed for 3 hours- I was dying for him to go home!!!
I saw my physio today - maybe why I was a bit unhappy yesterday with that coming, and he says it is very tight, to grit my teeth and try and push a bit further and I will.
I know I am doing ok, I was out at the theatre last week, long bought tickets, and my friends were amazed how well I was doing, walking, steps etc, it's just the bend. Sitting was uncomfortable but I did it.
Thanks again xxx

Graciesmum

Grace I came on yesterday to try and PM you, for some reason I can't work out how to do it although I did before.
I was so upset I went public but would have loved a chat.
Not sure what's up with my brain today. Under your message I can see PM but it just brings up your message and I can't type one to you. Sorry! Hope you are ok xxx

barbara12

Hello Sue..just to say if you click on Graces name then profile you can PM her without her post coming up..and you are welcome to talk to us lot..I know what its like when you are in a bad place..xx

Graciesmum

thanks Barbara xxxxx

stickywicket

Graciesmum wrote:

I saw my physio today - maybe why I was a bit unhappy yesterday with that coming, and he says it is very tight, to grit my teeth and try and push a bit further and I will.

If the physio is happy then all is well. The bend will come if you keep doing the exercises. Good luck!

dreamdaisy

Recovery is hard work, it isn't a case of lying back, watching telly and eating grapes - oh, if only! It takes years for our joints to get into the messes they do, and it makes sense that it will take time for the new ones to settle in and behave as they should - and a lot of effort from us. It is difficult to do the exercises if they hurt (I'm doing some at the moment to help stretch my Achilles tendons and the word is ouch!) and naturally you're fearful of doing something wrong, but your physio sounds understanding and he's right, keep pushing on and things will become easier. When you're in the middle of it all it is very hard to see that any progress has been made. DD

Graciesmum

It is hard and it sure does hurt but I have had lots of little goes at it today then ice and rest as you all advised. It just huuuurrrttsss.

My referral has come for hydro which saved me last time so hope I can start that when they have assessed me.

I heard of someone today who had his op same time as me and to cut a long story short he is far worse than I am , not coping or dealing with his TKR well at all. I don't want him to feel like that but of course it made me somewhat relieved and I feel better. We are all very different.

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart and I wish you all better health.

Sue XXX

Graciesmum

Barbara I was thinking in the night while awake- as you do- about your comment on lying on your side and it hurting, I am struggling on our spare bed with my hips (I won't go there, not going to find out why they hurt) but on our memory foam mattress which I intend to return to tonight I get no pain at all. I have noticed this on holidays on other mattresses too. Our memory foam is old and total foam not partial like they are today, but I think Ikea do a total memory foam.
Just a thought.

SueXXX

dreamdaisy

I am a side-sleeper (preferably the right side) and have slept for years with a pillow placed lengthways between my knees, this relieves the pressure on my hips, knees and ankles (all of which are affected to varying degrees by OA). I like the idea of memory foam but as I struggle to keep cool the thought of over-heating in bed is intolerable: currently we have a 4.5 tog duvet, and The Spouse has two blankets on top. I sleep in my nightie and still drip. :roll: We need a new bed (ours is now fifteen years old so it's more than time) and methinks it's time for separate (but zipped together) three foot wide single beds, with duvets to suit. DD

Graciesmum

DD we are planning that too, two singles, much better. I now believe marriages are saved rather than destroyed by separate sleeping! The memory foam is hot. Now I'm back in our bed hubby has used a winter quilt while I was absent and like you, I dripped last night. And not much more comfortable either I need to get used to it again and his snoring. And sneak the 4.5 tog back on............ah for a night undisturbed by pain, heat or the dogs needing the loo........

Hugs to all

Sue xx

barbara12

Graciesmum wrote:

Barbara I was thinking in the night while awake- as you do- about your comment on lying on your side and it hurting, I am struggling on our spare bed with my hips (I won't go there, not going to find out why they hurt) but on our memory foam mattress which I intend to return to tonight I get no pain at all. I have noticed this on holidays on other mattresses too. Our memory foam is old and total foam not partial like they are today, but I think Ikea do a total memory foam.
Just a thought.

SueXXX

Thankyou Sue
I have tried the toppers and not a good one at that,its good to know they help with the pain, I am in the spare room.. we don't have room in the double for two singles..think I will have to think seriously about a memory foam..like you I don't miss the snoring..and the heavy quilts..there are suppose to be memory foam that keeps you cooler not a clue if they work..you take care..xxx