sick of pain and exhaustion

bridesmum

Sorry I haven't been around recently but I've been really busy with the house move and then my daughter moved house three weeks ago. But apart from that I've been too tired to even contemplate posting although I have looked in several times. I have fibromyalgia, diabetes, underactive thyroid and arthritis in my knees, hips and various other places. My knees are excruciating at the moment and are making it hard for me to walk, I saw my gp a few months ago and he said that I will need them replacing but it won't be for another 5 years. He gave me a cortisone injection but unfortunately it doesn't seem to have had any effect. I went out with my 81 year old mother who has had both knees replaced, who commented on how bad my walking was! I am also having a lot of rib pain...it is at the sides of my ribs not at the sternum and effects my breathing and really hurts to cough or laugh. I can't sleep at the moment because my knees hurt so much despite taking my amitriptyline and dihydracodeine and using a hot water bottle. We have our 22 month old grandson tomorrow, thankfully my husband will do most of the childcare. It makes me so sad and unhappy that I am not the grandma I want to be and I will be wiped out on saturday and will spend the day recovering. We found out at Christmas that our daughter is expecting her second child in July and although I'm pleased for her and my son-in-law deep down I worry that I won't be able to help her as much as I'd like. My goodness this has been a long and miserable post :oops: I bet any of you have read it all feel like shooting yourselves (or me)

Slosh

So sorry to hear you are having such a tough time at the moment, it sounds as though the effects of your move and that of your daughter have really caught up with you and this miserable damp and cold weather can't help matters.
I can really empathise with your feelings about not being the Grandmother you want to be, as I have the same feelings, especially with my third grandchild due to arrive soon. However my two Grandsons, 4 and 3 don't seem bothered, even though they kknow I can't play with them like their Grandfather can. In fact they got very excited when I "graduated " to using two crutches as it means they can have one each to play with, and the younger one loves using one to play going to the shops with, and when I used a walking stick he found he could wedge it across the living room doorway and limbo underneath.
My own Grandfather was bedridden, and I still remember learning to skip by tying one end of my skipping rope to the end of his bed.

So enjoy your grandchild, read stories and sing songs and let your husband do the hard stuff and tidy up! Your grandchildren will love you for who you are and their hugs and kisses are better than any other therapy.

I hope other things improve for you as well and that you have a more settled year.

stickywicket

I remember how the house move took a lot out of you, as well it might. If you've also been helping your daughter move house your joints will be annoyed by that. Steroid jabs don't work for everyone and, I guess they don't work every time for anyone. It's always disappointing when we invest a little hope in these things and they fail to come up with the desired result.

I guess it's upsetting to have a mother nagging you about the state of your knees when she has her new ones but things are as they are and you can't alter that. She must accept that this is your lot for the next five years.

You write “It makes me so sad and unhappy that I am not the grandma I want to be”. I think much of our unhappiness comes from railling against unchangeable facts. If you are constantly measuring yourself against the person you think you ought to be you are doomed to failure and unhappiness. You can only be who you are, in the body you have. The rest is moonshine. There are different ways of being a good, loving Grandma who will be cherished. We just have to make a bit more effort to find them. I think Slosh has cracked it and I love the way she learnt to skip

dreamdaisy

So am I but, like it or not, this is what we have and it's down to us to make the best of what little we have. Sometimes it's far from easy but we have to flog on.

Any child or grandchild needs the following from their parents or grandparents: to be secure in the knowledge that they are loved. Any one who loves their children or grandchildren can make that happen. DD

barbara12

I do feel for you and understand what you are going through with your GC,I was so lucky to be able to look after our two eldest GC..and really enjoyed it..and still do, but my youngest son has had his first child she is 2 now..and I feel I am somehow letting them down, I love her and her sister our step GD but cant do the same,it really hard to cope with ..but I'm afraid this is how its is, so I do what I can with her..she sit next to me watching DVDs you must try not to give in to this disease.we have no option but fight back.do you see a pain clinic they can help get your meds on parr..and hopefully if you can get the pain down you will be able to do more with your GC..you will find it helps by talking to us about it ...its good you have your hubby helping you .you take care and don't forget we are always here..

bridesmum

Thankyou all for your lovely replies they made me cry I think that as he gets older and will be happy to sit and read with me or watch the tv it will be easier for me. At the moment he's just a mile a minute and never still which is obviously exhausting. I think part of the problem is that I compare myself with his other grandma who is as fit as a flea and is very wealthy and has a huge house that he can run around in, whereas I'm in a totally different situation. I will take all your wise suggestions on board though and enjoy him in the best way I can.

dreamdaisy

Of course he's full of energy - it's called youth and is (as Oscar Wilde said) wasted on the young.

It's adults who teach children to be mercenary - your grandson is far too young to realise that one grandma has a big house but the other one doesn't: he won't care either way. He will appreciate cuddles, chats, food and drink and you can do that just as well as her (or maybe even better). Give a child an expensive all-bells-and-whistles gift and they will play with the box because that is what they do. DD

barbara12

bridesmum wrote:

Thankyou all for your lovely replies they made me cry I think that as he gets older and will be happy to sit and read with me or watch the tv it will be easier for me. At the moment he's just a mile a minute and never still which is obviously exhausting. I think part of the problem is that I compare myself with his other grandma who is as fit as a flea and is very wealthy and has a huge house that he can run around in, whereas I'm in a totally different situation. I will take all your wise suggestions on board though and enjoy him in the best way I can.

Same here my eldest sons inlaws live half the year in Spain in a stunning Villa and half here in a lovely big house...but the girls have learned were they are loved ...it is hard ..and you cant help but be jealous that they can offer more..but believe me they will love the one to one with you..especially the reading to them.. and colouring ..they are in there teens now but still come often .and now the baby at 2 she loves watching DVDs on the laptop snuggled up with me ..and using the building blocks on the table and knocking.. them over...you will get there..xx