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an exhausted carer with arthritis!

18amandah18amandah Posts: 57
hi! Sorry to rant! I am 8 weeks post op today! I am a full time carer for my disabled hubby! He too has several on going problems! With chronic osteoarthritis of spine,hips and knees! He severely sighted and deaf! He has communicater guides 3 times a week,but they are not his carers!we have a cleaner 1 a week and the rest is up to me! On my awful carers allowance! I too have arthritis in both hips and knees! I am utterly exhausted! I as a carer have no one to turn to! I am trying to get a carers break! So we can have a mini break together as hubby wants to be with me! I am willing to help my hubby! I am due to have the social service s here this week but with so many cut backs I am dreading the end result! As Amanda always suffers!! Regards Amanda

Comments

  • SloshSlosh Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This may sound harsh but how much of a break will it be for you if ypur husband insists on going with you? My worry is that you will end up caring for him in an unfamiliar setting. I can understand his reluctance but I think you need to put yourself first and insist that he goes into respite care while you have your break. If he loves you ask him to give you this as tat is your best chance of really getting a break and a rest and then coming back to him feeling refreshed and ready to pick up the reins again.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • stickywicketstickywicket Posts: 25,993 ✭✭✭
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I can understand your husband's desire for a holiday with you but I think Slosh, as usual, is spot on. A 'carer's break' presumably is intended to be a break from caring and that can't happen if your husband goes with you.

    Also, as Slosh pointed out, caring in an unfamiliar environment is far more stressful than doing so in one's own home, especially if your husband has poor eyesight among other problems.

    Until recently my husband went on a walking holiday every year and my sister came to stay with me. Neither of us wanted to be apart but it always did us both good. He got right away from button and shoe fastening, hair washing, zip doing up and down and the heavier aspects of housework. I got to appreciate just how much he did do for me.

    You say you have no-one to turn to. Try http://www.carersuk.org/ I know they are good because a friend was closely involved with them for years when his wife was seriously ill and after her death when he continued to help as a volunteer.

    How is your new hip?
    “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.” H.L. Mencken
  • GraceBGraceB Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi,

    Under the Care Act 2015 you are entitled to ask for - and get - a carer's assessment from your local Adult Social Services Department. This would usually be the team who supports your husband - you ask them and they arrange this.

    Respite is organised via them as well, there are various options usually - so talk them through. The others are right - you need a break away from your Husband. However, whoever you organise this with and in whatever shape or form, please get the organisation who provides the Guide Communicators for your Husband, to liaise with the respite care provider as it's important the provider understands how your Husband communicates.

    I hope your Husband's Guide Communicators are making a difference. When you are trying to support a loved one who has a dual sensory loss it's difficult. I work for a Social Services Team in Kent and we support adults who have a dual sensory loss - deaf and blind to the layman. This is also how I am aware of the Care Act.

    I have in fact asked for a Carer's Assessment for myself and am progressing this now.

    Please ask - you are entitled to this; it's free and you may find this to be invaluable.

    In the meantime you may find that you yourself are entitled to some help. It could be worth asking.

    If you want any more information please PM me - I'd be pleased to help.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.
    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • 18amandah18amandah Posts: 57
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi thank you all for your replys! I will not have a break as I would be worrying about my hubby. And visa versa! We have had mini break away before now. There are people agency's who I am contacting! Regards Amanda h
  • hileena111hileena111 Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Amanda,
    You do need that break on your own.. If he went into respite even for a few days to give you a break on your own it would make a difference and you wouldnt have to worry.
    Remember all the worrying you did bfore your hip replacement and everything turned out well........Why should this not turn out well. t would even break short break for your husband....being with different people.
    Think about it
    Love
    Hileena
  • tkachevtkachev Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi amanda I know how you feel as I have RA and 2 children on the spectrum, and worry like crazy when they go on residential trips.



    Also I know of people who use their DP's to pay for a carer to go on holiday with them so that they can go out for the night or take their non-disabled children out and about.of course you need enough DP's to pay for them in the first place.

    I do hope the agencies can sort something out for you both,
    Elizabeth x
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
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