With the help of a spouse

LignumVitae
LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
edited 19. May 2015, 06:31 in Living with Arthritis archive
We often comment on here how arthritis affects relationships. I'm pretty lucky most of the time with mine. Arthritis beat down my door long before Mr LV and so by the time he was stood at the door he had to take me and my unwelcome helper. He took a bit of time but adjusted well. I, in my worst moments of arthritis, do get frustrated that his cooking help extends to takeaway menus but he is usually half aware things are wrong and that solutions don't necessarily come quickly or, sometimes come at all. He's not one to suggest I put a dream catcher up to spirit away the bad spirit in me and he's not one to take too much interest in my meds or push for more. He's a sleeping partner (often actually rather than just metaphorically) in the arthritis part of our relationship and it works fine.

He rarely mets out advice and last night we were both reminded why not. I was explaining how I'm not sleeping well because my shoulder is painful. It's mainly hypermobility issues but once it is jiggered and stiff it is hard to get back to OK and I have foolishly been remiss in my exercises. I told him how I'm struggling to be comfortable despite meds, pillows, cushions and what not. He looked at me as if I was stupid and asked 'why don't you just sleep on the other side?' as if maybe I hadn't considered all the options. We both looked at each other for quite a while, my eyebrows were possibly raised. He smiled sheepishly and left the room. Possibly the wisest response he could have mustered. Bless him :roll:
Hey little fighter, things will get brighter

Comments

  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hmm, yes, the sleeping question - I can only sleep on one side because of hip pain, though I must turn over when asleep and thus wake because it hurts. My hubby is lovely and sympathetic, but will insist on saying,"try not to turn over," so I just grit my teeth and tell him I`ll try not to.

    If anything, he is overprotective, when I`d much rather find a way of doing things on my own, but I know he means well and has my interests at heart. After 43 years of marriage we each know what makes the other tick.

    You seem to have a good 'un there, LV, so yes, you are lucky, and I hope your family go from strength to strength, regardless of the unwelcome guest that is RA.
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What would we do without the OH who try to understand, but bless them never will quite because they don't actually live with it! I am utterly thankful that mine is patient, protective and more caring than I can describe...........and therefore I tolerate his snoring during my wakefulness :? , and only kick him gently when the prodding fails to roll him over.

    Hope the shoulder settles again, in the meantime keep smiling sweetly at the slightly ridiculous remarks, it simply takes too much effort to explain the real extent of the problem!

    Deb xx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    There are worse things than take aways. Mr SW's cooking invariably results in me spending next day de-greasing the kitchen.

    Terrific advice from Mr LV, though. How come you'd not considered it :wink:

    Mr SW was mulling over the possibility of selling our house and moving in with No2 son until we found another. For how long, I asked. As long as it takes, he replied. I had to remind him that, when we stay there, I am on a sofa bed downstairs (I can't do his stairs), require a hoist up from it and have to wash in the basin in the downstairs cloakroom.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • LemonMerigue
    LemonMerigue Member Posts: 62
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mr lemon meringue isn't active in my arthritis management. It extends to perhaps asking me if I've taken my medication when I've had a lot on my mind or if I've been busy. I can be rather forgetful. He is however, fantastic when it comes to dealing with things that need doing round the house. He does all my heavy lifting and hoovering and if I can't handle the dinner he'll step in and deal with it.

    By the same token he always offers to do everything. Some times I just want to work it out myself. It gets bothersome. He can't win :roll:
    Bless him.
  • hileena111
    hileena111 Member Posts: 7,099
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sticky

    Mr SW was mulling over the possibility of selling our house and moving in with No2 son until we found another.

    Another?? Another son? :lol::lol::lol:

    Love
    Hileena
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol: Definitely not, Hileena. I have lived and I have learnt.
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm glad I am not alone with the spouse who tries to apply logic to the illogical. I guess it seems so easy from the outside looking in!

    SW, are you sure you don't want a new son, just think, you could find one with suitable sleeping arrangements. I was pondering to a friend at the weekend how I was so glad there would be no more children. I too have lived and learned.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Too much of a gamble, LV. Instead, I shall attempt to indoctrinate my grandsons :lol:
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Men are (usually) logical creatures which is why they flounder with the likes of us who do not meet their criteria of 'logical' and have an illogical disease to boot. :D Men like to fix, mend and repair, they like knowing that if they wish to solve problem C then taking steps A and B will lead to that. We have problems X, Y and Z though, and no matter what alphabetic steps we and others take X, Y and Z mostly remain blithely untroubled by our efforts. :roll: . DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I've always suspected blokes were a few letters short of a full alphabet :wink:
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mine often lacks ps and qs.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,278
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oooh I'm now thinking of that wonderful Two Ronnies sketch, set in a restaurant, which was all done in letters ie "F. U. N. E. M?"

    What a genius that man was!
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran