Moving a long way away

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stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
edited 9. Jun 2015, 15:05 in Living with Arthritis archive
Nearly 200 miles to be exact. Basically to be nearer to family. Our old family home is, in any case, too big for us now, especially the garden. We really need to move out of it anyway but bungalows are both scarce and expensive here whereas they are plentiful and cheap there.

PROS
1. Nearer to family.
2. Probably a much nicer home.
3. Mr SW and grandson are very keen on it.
4. If Mr SW was in the local hospital one of the family could visit even if I couldn't. (Currently, it would cost me around £30 daily in taxi fares.)

CONS
1. Nearer to family :lol:
2. The rheumatology and orthopaedics facilities (I keep both busy) are unknown and probably an hour's drive away.
3. Villages are small and community groups (and disabled facilities) an unknown factor.
4. Public transport seems poor – a factor for Mr SW if he became unable to drive.

I've always believed it was a mistake to chase ones children around but in this case they instigated it. I want to be positive about it – and shall be if we go for it. But all Mr SW can see is footie and cricket with the grandson and, hopefully, money in the bank as a result of the difference in house prices.

What would you do?

And how could I find out about things I could join / disabled facilities etc that'd make life better for me?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • LynneS
    LynneS Member Posts: 26
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Not sure I can really help, but how about you and Mr SW taking a little holiday in the area and sussing it all out. Perhaps the local GP surgery could give you info on groups and support locally, or even the local Citizens Advice?

    I think the lovely thing is that it's something your family would like, when that's the case, lots of potential issues just disappear.

    Somebody once told me to gather all the facts, sit quietly and imagine one option in one hand and the other option in the other hand. The one that felt the lightest was the right choice - it's always an option as a last resort :wink:

    I'm sure you'll make the right choice

    L x
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Whenever we visit Scotland, usually Spring & Autumn, I make a point of reading the notice boards usually situated on/outside village halls. There's usually a contact for a Parish Councillor for further information.

    Another source of info is the local library - you could phone/e-mail with your questions.

    We often stay in a tiny village in the Cairngorms, and they have a very informative web-site, so the place you have in mind may have one too.


    I think since the family have instigated proceedings is a good thing - always nice to feel wanted! If public transport is not great, the village may have a scheme to combat this,eg 'Dial a bus,' or something similar.


    Hope you can find the information you need - families are so important.
  • rayray
    rayray Member Posts: 115
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi SW,

    I understand your concerns totally. We too are considering a move to be nearer better facilities - we live in a village with poor public transport so getting to theatres, music venues (my passion) and shops can be tricky as I can't drive much.

    Finding out about facilities is usually easy. Most villages and/or village halls have a website and these wil list of groups in the village. Yes, noticeboards are a good place to look too. If there is a shop go in and ask - you will be amazed at what they will know. Many villages also have a magazine, newsletter or parish handout which can be invaluable. Our village has a regular lunch club which is a great way to meet other folks.

    I hope this helps x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,657
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I think some recces are an idea Stickywicket.

    Have a look in some Estate Agents' windows.

    Have a look at the area and facilities before you make any firm decisions - that means properly - first hand. Don't rely on anyone else's opinions, including mine/husband's and your kids - we are all biased ;)

    What I will say is, (as a biased outsider) My Sis lives up in Scotland and I find the pace of life a lot calmer up there and the air quality better. Nice bit of subjectivity there from me :lol:

    My parents came to live near ME of all people :shock: , but it turned out to be the best decision as, within 12 months, my Dad died, (at 66), so I could be really 'there' for my Mum.

    Love

    Toni xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Thanks for all your replies and helpful suggestions.

    We actually 'know' the area quite well as the family have lived there or thereabouts for some time. However, until you look at it as a potential place to live there is much that you miss - the rural nature, the hills, the distances between villages (when not measured by car). And I've been looking on rightmove and getting some brochures from estate agents.

    CAB is a good idea, Lynne. Thanks. And several good ideas from you, Tezz :D

    I think one big problem is not so much 'Is there a lunch club etc?' as 'How would I get to it?' I'm hoping that, once my aged TKR is revised, I'll be able to use a scooter or electric wheelchair for short journeys but then there is access :roll:

    This move is intended to be our last so we have to factor in that Mr SW won't always be able to drive. I'm now toying with moving a bit further away (about 40 miles) to the city but Mr SW isn't keen. (Of course he'll always be as fit as a fiddle - despite all the evidence to the contrary :roll: )
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    This all sounds very exciting SW. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

    I understand where you are coming from regarding Mr SW. He probably thinks he'll be driving forever and not have any major health issues. We know life isn't like that. So, therefore, as usual, you'll have to be the sensible one - like most women.

    It sounds like you have good sources of information already. The others have already mentioned what I would have suggested. However, I do wonder if your family who are local to the area you think you may move to could check some of these things out for you, especially regarding the access. Could they take some photos and measurements and send them to you electronically, especially regarding community buildings in the areas you are considering moving to?

    When we downsized from a 3 bed detached house to a 2 bed semi bungalow we lost a dining room, ground floor cloakroom, a third bedroom and a conservatory. We had to get rid of loads of stuff as there just wasn't any point moving things we couldn't accommodate in our new place. The bungalow though suits our needs perfectly now and we certainly don't regret moving. Mind you, we only moved from one side of the town to the other so nothing like you are considering!

    Please keep us up to date.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • juliep123
    juliep123 Member Posts: 40
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Where about in Scotland are you moving to ? My son lives in Fife and works at the local hospital - I can ask him about local health services if its anywhere near where you are moving to.
    Julie x
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Grace and Julie, thanks for more good suggestions. We are currently looking at the entire Borders area (Roxburghshire) and, indeed, had a few reccies when we were up there a few days ago. I think the photos of specific buildings are a good idea for later when we have more or less settled on a village / area.

    It's very kind of you to suggest asking your son about local health services, Julie, but I won't be in Fife. Indeed, I asked my own son if there was a rheumatology dept. at Borders General and he replied “I expect so. We have lots of old people with arthritis.” :shock: I had RA long before he was born. Methinks I should have educated him better :roll: However, he is going to ask a doctor friend.

    I took up an previous suggestion from, I think, Tezz and emailed both CAB and Scottish Borders Council. I promptly had a lovely email back from a lady from the latter who is sending me some info next week.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,657
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Sounds as though you are getting well-organised Stickywicket :)

    Mr Stickywicket will of coursebe forever fit and able :roll:

    Words like 'head' and 'sand' spring to mind.

    Shame it's not Fife actually as ma oon sister lives there :wink:

    Love

    Toni xxx
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh to have a crystal ball eh Sticky? I think your inclination to choose the urban rather than rural is the right one. Apart from anything else who knows what changes may happen to your family, you need to be able to look after yourselves if for whatever reason they aren't there, and that's likely to be easier in a decent sized town. You will also have a better choice of accommodation.
    A few years ago a couple I knew decided to make the most of being fit and able to retire at 60 so sold their house to look for a country idyll. A year later not only had they not found it, but a combination of an injury preventing car driving for some time coupled with a bad winter making some villages cut off and transport difficult made them rethink. They then found a house on the city outskirts with all amenities within reach, country walks on the doorstep, and the potential to adapt the house for future requirements.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    To my way of thinking the best years for living the rural idyll (with or without health troubles) is those halcyon years between the ages of early twenties to late fifties. After that (like it or not) for the majority of us things may well start the gentle downhill slide to one's dotage when it becomes essential to have shops, libraries, a choice of pubs :wink: , hospitals and doctors closer to one's doorstep, together with better public services and transport. When we were first thinking of moving we flirted with the idea of fields and hedgerows closer to his place of work but when it dawned on us that takeaway deliveries were not an option (and that to do anything social would involve a car journey) we stayed urban.

    It's a huge decision, Sticky, and I don't envy you having to make it. :( DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,732
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    dreamdaisy wrote:
    It's a huge decision, Sticky, and I don't envy you having to make it. :( DD

    We are getting there thanks, in no small part, to all of your very sensible, very welcome suggestions.

    I quite agree that retiring to somewhere idyllic-but-impractical is precisely what I wish to avoid :lol: and I shall continue to find out as much as I can the better to prevent it happening. Kelso is my current favourite - a reasonable-sized town with lots going on - but I'm still keeping all options open as I gather facts and figures.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Kelso is a lovely town, I am sure you will get as much information as you can and weigh everything up and will make the right decision, good luck Sticky you will work it out.. xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Kelso is lovely - I think it's my favourite of the Border towns.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hope it all goes well for you you SW, sure it will :D .....the time is getting nearer for us, same has you the house is to big and the stairs,,must say I'm dreading having to leave after 40years here...but see it has a new begging.. :) the trouble is we have to stay nearby has my sons and familys moved to be nearer... :o
    Love
    Barbara