My final goodbye to my Dad

Options
GraceB
GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
edited 5. Aug 2015, 14:18 in Community Chit-chat archive
My Dad passed away October 2013 from lung cancer and his wishes were for his ashes to be buried in the family grave. My step-mother (Mum) has finally agreed for his ashes to go into the grave and this is happening on Friday this week - 7th Aug.

It was so odd for me last week going into Mum, seeing the casket in the lounge and knowing that the next time I'll see this will be the last time at the cemetery this Friday as it's being placed into the grave.

My brother and I have been regularly mentioning the ashes being interred to Mum (me in person and him via phone calls as he lives in the Midlands) and it's taken this length of time for her to agree to this as she wasn't ready before. She's 90, so we felt we had to wait for her to give the go-ahead even though the family knew what his wishes were.

It's so odd though - we had the funeral (cremation), the wake, I was Joint Executor for Dad and 18 months or so have gone by, and yet it seems like it's a bereavement all over again.

I'm sure this is something that people all over go through. My sister's ashes (she died Feb 13) and those of my niece's (my late sister's daughter who died 2006) were put into the grave last August. I think it would have been easier to deal with had Dad's ashes gone in with these last August, but Mum wanted a vicar and one wasn't available.

Anyway, as I say, it's a most odd feeling.

GraceB
Turn a negative into a positive!

Comments

  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Hello Grace,

    It's very understandable that your step-mother has taken a long time to decide to have your Dad's ashes interred in the grave. She must have missed him greatly after he died, so perhaps it was a way of keeping him close to her. As the casket is in the lounge, it would give her comfort to know that he was there. At the age of 90, I think it's brave of her to finally honour your Dad's and the family's wishes.

    It is bound to be an emotional time for you. Eighteen months isn't very long after a bereavement and you will still be grieving for your Dad. I imagine that seeing the casket with his ashes gave you some comfort too, so it's almost like saying farewell to him all over again. My parents both died within a year of each other over 25 years ago, but I still miss them dreadfully, so I can sympathise with your feelings.

    I hope that you will feel better after Friday, knowing that your Dad is resting in peace in the family grave where he wanted to be.

    My thoughts are with you,
    Joan
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Sending you some hugs. (((((()))))) Mig
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Sending Hugs (())
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Oh Grace, I feel for you, I really do. It is indeed like a bereavement over again. I put a post on here a while ago now, asking was it normal to feel so low two years after my dad died, and there were some lovely, helpful replies.

    Eighteen years isn't long in relative terms - I've come to the conclusion that yes, time does help, but certain things can still trigger grief years later, even the smallest of things, and can happen out of the blue.


    It's taken time for your stepmother to find the strength to let go all over again.

    Thinking of you.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Grace I will be thinking about you...many hugs coming your way..(((()))) xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    I do sympathise Grace, we had to have a delay between my mother's funeral and interring the ashes with my father,due to her ending her days in Scotland rather than Lancashire where my father had taken her when he retired, and yes it does rather rake it all up again. There is the relief of finally getting it sorted though and that is a comfort.
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Sorry Grace, I meant 18 months, not years in my post!!
  • Kitty
    Kitty Member Posts: 3,583
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    So sorry you've (necessarily) had such a long wait. My mum (also Grace) passed away November 13th 2010. Dad was going to scatter her ashes on their garden. My sister persuaded him to keep them so when he joins her their ashes can be scattered together. So she is still sitting in her living room 5 years later, waiting for dad to join her. Hopefully it will be a long time yet, although he is 85 now.

    Best wishes.

    "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." Robert A Heinlein

  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Thank you all for your kind replies. I do appreciate them.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,622
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    Oh Grace

    That sounds really sad, but lovely that your Dad's wishes are being honoured now.

    I think for now you should be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve again.

    Love and ((()))

    Toni xxx
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,730
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Options
    As usual, frog has got it spot on. ((()))
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright