The Man, His Wife and the Ketchup

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
edited 9. Oct 2015, 09:29 in Community Chit-chat archive
The scene – our kitchen yesterday lunchtime. Mr SW is preparing a bacon sandwich for himself while I deal with the remains of the washing yet to be hung out – a pile of socks which I am pulling into shape and a pile of knickers. I finish the socks as he departs with his sandwich and turn my attention to the knickers only to discover a large blob of ketchup on the top one. I draw my beloved's attention to this with a semi-polite expletive :horror-movie:

“What?”

“You dropped ketchup onto my knickers?”

“I can't have done.”

“Well there's ketchup on my knickers. You've just used it.”

“”But I didn't go that way.”

(We have a small, galley kichen. It's not like Spaghetti Junction. There's only one narrow route from where he was to where he now is.)

“So, explain the ketchup?”

(He appears in the kitchen with an oozing bacon buttie.) “It can't have been me.”

“ No-one has had the ketchup out of the cupboard for 3-4 weeks until you got it out just now.”

He peers at the wet, red, glistening, accusing, blob on the freshly laundered whites. “I don't see how.....”

He never does :roll:
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What can I say? It's a man thing, like the child who as soon as you beckon them over says "It wasn't me, honest" before you've said anything to them.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    They are never in the wrong... :roll: :lol:
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It's an unreported but common occurrence: ketchup is known to leap as though there is a magnetic attraction between it and any pale material within reach but only when being operated by the male of the species. They have this uncanny knack . . . .

    Mr DD now has an official 'Curry House Cardigan'. It's an old navy blue Weird Fish effort which is rather raggedy so ideal for those turmeric-based stains which he cannot resist. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol:

    I loved the story Sticky!!!

    Mr Frogmorton as just dropped a whole pint of milk on the kitchen floor and the language!

    DD I hadn't heard about the tomato sauce and the fabrics (light coloured), but believe you :? honestly....

    I rather like the curry-cardy idea very much though.

    Only problem is it's me who needs one :oops:
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    SW, sadly this isn't a surprise to me as from what I have seen most men tend to leave a trail behind them even when they make a sandwich. Why is it a female can make a sandwich lunch, clear up and leave no trace and yet most men (please note I say "most"), leave crumbs, used knives, and un-used ingredients behind? And as for making a cuppa - there's always a puddle and a soggy tea-bag!

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mr. Nobody did it. He's makes most of the mess in our home :zombie2:
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mr LV has a special couldn'tpossiblybeme face and tone of voice for these occasions and protests innocence where there clearly cannot be any. It's remarkable.

    As a child I did once take a large bottle of ketchup out of a cupboard and shook it really vigorously assuming the lid to be firmly screwed on...my parents weren't impressed at having to clean the ceiling and didn't find the incident half as funny as I did.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes mine is rather messy when it comes to cooking so splashes the tomato dish, in the pan on the cooker, up the wall tiles but has also been known to splash onto my fresh pile of ironing behind him!

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think it`s safe to assume they are all like this. LV made me remember that my OH frequently forgets to put tops on properly, so when the bottle/can etc. is shaken, the contents fly everywhere and we have abstract patterns over every surface.
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,154
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mine has some t-shirts he wears at home that he's not allowed to go out in we call them his menu shirts (no explanation needed).I just have to say "oh for goodness sake " and he automatically says" it wasn't me" Mig
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It may have a lot to do with the famous male focus thing which makes for blissful unawareness of anything not involved with the task in hand. Whether it's anointing food with ketchup, inserting anointed food in mouth, or walking around with said food, the collateral damage from those tasks is irrelevant and therefore un-noticed. I used to dread my ex wanting to do chinese as not only would there be the pots, pans etc to wash up, but the splashbacks, cooker hood filter, cupboard sides, undersides and doors by the cooker and the floor to clean up, which of course he just didn't see, only the lovingly crafted end result. I don't even much like chinese food so perhaps it's just as well it's someone else's problem now....
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Have to respond from the male perspective the comments regarding us spilling ketchup onto clean washing.

    No way is this the fault of us males........... :x

    The apparent ability of the female of the species to multi task is their downfall........... :(

    If they concentrated on one thing at a time,in this case getting on with the ironing then it wouldn't be laying around and be vulnerable to attack by ketchup............ :!:

    It really isn't 'rocket science'.................. :wink:
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So, it would seem, once again, that it doesn't really matter which bloke you end up with - you still land yourself with a ton of unnecessary washing.

    Thank you, Ron, for poiting out that this is all our own fault. I would never have seen it from that perspective. (In fact, I still don't :lol: ) Have another pint and don't dare spill it :wink:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So, it would seem, once again, that it doesn't really matter which bloke you end up with - you still land yourself with a ton of unnecessary washing.

    Thank you, Ron, for poiting out that this is all our own fault. I would never have seen it from that perspective. (In fact, I still don't :lol: ) Have another pint and don't dare spill it :wink:

    Hi SW
    When I have a pint in my hand my mind becomes totally focused and would never spill a drop (especially at todays prices!).
    Ron
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Have to respond from the male perspective the comments regarding us spilling ketchup onto clean washing.

    No way is this the fault of us males........... :x

    The apparent ability of the female of the species to multi task is their downfall........... :(

    If they concentrated on one thing at a time,in this case getting on with the ironing then it wouldn't be laying around and be vulnerable to attack by ketchup............ :!:

    It really isn't 'rocket science'.................. :wink:


    The pile of clothes waiting to be ironed are a permanant feature I'm afraid (its too much hassle to take the ironing board down each time I finish a pile of ironing) but the ironing board is now placed miles away from the cooker just to be on the safe side! :)

    E xx
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein