I'd hope it would get easier, but ...

GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
edited 13. Oct 2015, 17:07 in Community Chit-chat archive
... on 13th October it's 2 years since my Dad passed away from lung cancer. On top of that, on 19th Oct it'll be 9 years since we lost my niece to ovarian cancer. Dad was 88 when he passed, Kirsty (my niece) was only 20 and had a 10 month old baby girl when she passed.

Difficult days ahead for me when I'll be trying to keep my mind fully occupied. I keep hoping that it gets easier, but with the two anniversaries being so close together it makes it more difficult in some ways.

Turn a negative into a positive!


  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    With your dad's death being still quite recent I imagine it does make your niece's passing more painful even though it was longer ago, not least because it heightens the fact that she was at the beginning of her life. It will get easier, but having the two so close together means it will take longer.
    My thoughts are with you, at the end of the month it's 3 years since my mother died.
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I remember putting a similar post up last year, when it was coming to the 2nd anniversary of my dad's death. Like yours, mine was 88 when he died. Now it will soon be three years, and I know when mid-November comes round I will struggle.

    It must be harder for you, with two dates so close together, and one of them taken at such a young age. It does get easier - it's almost 18 years since Mam died, but she was very ill, and we knew for a long time she was dying. With Dad, it was out of the blue - I found him, and it's that sequence of events that morning which will run on a continuous loop in my head.

    I think keeping your mind occupied is a good strategy, Grace, and I hope that in time things will indeed ease for you. I don't think there's a magic formula - we just deal with things as best we can in our own way.
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know it's really hard and as much as you try and keep busy it will always be there in the back of your brain. What we did was get a bench and I had a plaque made with ' remembering Mom & Dad' and we put it on the bench and it's so nice to go and sit on it with just our thoughts at any time of the year. I wish today and the 19th will not be too hard on you.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I lost my baby Nephew 30 years ago this week. We should have been celebrating his 30th birthday. I was unable to talk about it as I felt people would expect me to move on but instead I found it all so difficult. It really doesn't get any easier,

    Elizabeth xx
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just wanted to thank you for your kind replies. I tried my best to keep busy and generally managed that although when I stopped at lunch time I struggled, as I did at 10.02 - the time when Dad passed.

    tkachev - I think when you lose a young family member it makes it more difficult as naturally you wonder what they would have achieved had they lived.

    Turn a negative into a positive!