I slid slowly and gracefully to the floor

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
edited 10. Dec 2015, 10:49 in Living with Arthritis archive
I don't usually do 'gracefully' but I really did.

I'd got up, performed my ablutions and was getting dressed seated at the side of our bed while Mr SW was in the shower. My current foot problems mean I start most days by applying aqueous cream to the protruberances underneath. But I can't reach 'on top' let alone underneath so I get a dollop of cream on the end of my long-handled shoe horn (for some reason I almost typed 'horse shoe' there :o:lol: ), transfer it to as near as possible then rub the bottom of the offending foot over the top of the other one to transfer it to the right place.

Too much cream. To much effort. Too near the edge of the bed and seated on top of my, carelessly discarded, slippery nightie. I'd got one sock on with my sock aid but, in attempting the other, I started to go and no way could I stop myself with those slidey feet on the laminate floor so I bowed to gravity and made my gentle, inevitable way south.

My beloved's first attempt at hauling me up failed. I just slid effortlessly between his legs in a move that would have elicited thunderous applause on Strictly. And (Strictly enthusiasts may correct me) I believe no-one has yet performed it clad only in knickers and one green sock.

But then he displayed pure genius. Another move not yet to appear on Strictly. He dried off (in a blokey way) my bath lift and placed it next to me. I shuffled onto it. (Post-op nurses have always been impressed with my shuffling technique) Then he pressed the switch and lo and behold I was uplifted. Q.E.D.

Don't try this at home, children.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear, Sticky! :lol: I can assure you that no-one has performed such an elegant manoeuvre on Strictly in that particular costume but I can feel an opportunity looming - shall we do our own Strictly Come Arthritic Dancing? I know we long ago mastered the Can't Can't so maybe it's time to broaden our repertoire: The Stumbla, The Slow Tortoisetrot, The Painful Knees Waltz . . . . .

    Seriously, I hope all is well and you are not suffering any after-effects. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You paint a vivid picture Sticky, couldn't help but smile at the vision it conjured up. Hope you're not nursing too many bruises as a result, and applause to My SW for his inventiveness!

    Thanks to DD I'm now envisioning a dodgy hip tango or arthritic ankle quick step.......and hearing the comments of the judges :cry:

    Hope the rest of your day is uneventful.

    Deb x
  • gretta
    gretta Member Posts: 74
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh dear Sticky that was funny.
    Will bear in mind the bath lift tip as I too have one, plus I also apply doublebase gel to my feet & legs, not sure if it is the same gel as yours. Do hope you aren't hurting after that adventure or if so recover quickly.

    Gretta
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Sticky - I couldn`t help but grin as I read your post! I don`t watch Strictly, but I have a very vivid imagination, so have my own picture of you your OH doing this `dance.`

    I do hope you have no after effects and don`t come up in bruises.

    Last time I fell I had the good fortune to do it in the entrance to A & E, where two rather nice paramedics got me upright. Full marks to Mr. SW for his intuition!
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hope you're ok Sticky, but very impressed by Mr Sticky's quick thinking.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Only you could invent an entire genre of dancing for arthritics complete with aids. Only you. I hope no bruises were sustained in the completion of your routine. Maybe next time go for some sequences on your outfit and feather thing in your hair.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I hope by gracefully you mean you didn't hit the floor too hard. It sounds like an interesting approach to dancing and I hope you don't take more practice to perfect your routine. Maybe you accomplished perfection the first time?
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Once again, Sticky and DD manage to turn the base metal of arthritic life into pure comedy gold. Thank you ladies.
    It's rather a shame that gems like this get lost eventually, as they'd make a nice little collection with alternative titles depending on audience - 'Life...but not as you know it' for those living with arthritics, and 'The fun starts here' for those newly diagnosed.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your kind comments and good wishes. I am pleased to report no bruises, not that I'd be able to see them anyway and Mr SW is much slower to offer an inspection and massage than he would have been 50 years ago. I also had a lovely 'rest of day' with a long, slow lunch with some good friends.

    DD – Your Can't-Can't has long been my preferred dance but I love the others too. Sadly, all I can come up with is the American Bumpy and the Ow-Ow-Ow.

    Tezz – I simply don't believe your version of your fall. Come clean, please. You saw two dishy young paramedics and then went down :lol: Right?

    LV – I think you are suffering from a spot of predictive text. If you'd like to sew the 'sequences' (or even sequins) onto my sock, the job's yours :wink:

    Daffy – You are very kind. I think most things have their comic side and arthritis is certainly no exception. Did I mention my dance partner, being straight out of the shower, was perfoming in his birthday suit? No sequins there for LV.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done Mr Sticky on his quick thinking otherwise it could have taken longer, much more painful and less gracefulness to get you back on the bed! Kudos to Mr Sticky, I do hate to say my OH would have taken longer to think of something ingenuous!
  • LignumVitae
    LignumVitae Member Posts: 1,972
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Having recently had to sew elastic on to small ballet shoes, I decline your kind offer, unless there is a sequence to sewing sequins which I am predictably getting wrong.

    I recently noticed another pair of ballet shoes have started to look a bit on the small side and as a solution to the prospect of more sewing I'm considering foot binding.
    Hey little fighter, things will get brighter
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oooh what a wicked mother you are :lol:

    Isn't it odd how it's our most precious people who bring out the worst in us :roll:
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    oh SW sorry for laughing...you tell it so well..the very thought..must say you have a genius of an hubby there...now mine wouldn't have been capable for laughing... :o
    Love
    Barbara
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I've given up trying to master the Argentine Tang-no, my kicks and flicks are merely twitches and flops. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My quick-step is more of a soft-shoe shuffle.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My dances of choice are:

    The Funny Hop

    The Hip Op

    Breakdancing

    and my speciality – The Slack Bottom
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol::lol::lol: DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • villier
    villier Member Posts: 4,426
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just saw this Sticky and put a smile on my face as I visualised the scene as you so colourfully wrote. Well done Mr SW for his ingenuity with the bath lift, hope all is well today xx
    Smile a while and while you smile
    smile another smile and soon there
    will be miles and miles of smiles
    just because you smiled I wish your
    day is full of Smiles