Nice... but unsettling

daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
edited 19. Dec 2015, 09:03 in Community Chit-chat archive
The mild weather is at odds with the proximity to Christmas - seeing folks shedding coats outside while snow scenes glitter from shop windows is odd, at least for the UK. Today was very mild,dry, and the sun came out mid-morning, and so my trip to the city was a lightweight one, without thick jacket, waterproof etc, very pleasant.
But... it didn't feel quite right somehow and, apart from the usual thought that when cold weather does come it's going to be a shock, I realised part of the problem was that I have had several bits of sad news recently and so my mood is rather at odds with sunshine and mildness. My uncle died about 2 weeks ago, which set me thinking about my mother,(it was her brother) who died 3 years ago, and the fact that's the end of that bit of the family now. I heard yesterday that a close colleague's mother died about the same time - not unexpected, but she was quite a character, and colleague is single so especially hard just before Christmas. Then this morning I met someone in town and exchanged pleasantries abut the sun etc and then he told me his wife is dying, which was a shock. A somewhat subdued daffy then found herself getting all damp around the edges at lunchtime when the carol service I was attending opened in traditional fashion with a solo treble 'Once in Royal'. Not an unhappy day as such, but I wasn't sorry not to have to be sociable when I got home.


  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,686
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think you've touched on something big here, daffy. Yes, 'tis the season to be jolly, and rightly so but, because of that, it's a hard time to be in mourning or sad. Christmas is also a time of 'big memories' which can be good or bad - sometimes both at the same time. I was, as the French say, 'bouleversee' yesterday when Classic fm played the 3rd movement of Brahms' 3rd. Memories of all varieties flooded back and, briefly, took over. I think these complex feelings should be acknowledged, however 'inappropriate to the time of year' or inconvenient. Otherwise they find a dark corner in which to grow. I hope today you can hear the treble again and just enjoy it.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I echo the above sentiments - even in amongst all the festive things going on it's inevitable there will be memories and more than a hint of sadness.

    On Wednesday we were at our grandsons' carol service, which was really lovely - but it would also have been my Dad's birthday, and I was conscious of the space in the bench which would have been his, as he loved this time of year.
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I just have to echo the above, for me there are two things that always bring tears and remembrances, one is "O Come All Ye Faithfull" which brings back memories of the choirs I've sung in at Christmas, makes me think of all my family and friends singing it this year, and memories of my parents. The other is "It came upon a midnight clear", which was my Mother's favourite carol. It is a bittersweet time and a time for reflection on memories, both happy and sad.

    As for the weather it was strange driving home for the start of the Christmas holidays and seeing a bank of daffodils.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,209
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh gosh :xmas_confused:

    That's set me off too....but why not? It's good to be remembering people who are no longer with us isn't it? They meant something.

    (((()))) to those of us who need some.


    Toni xxx
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,280
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    daffy that is so touching...yes all the sad memories come to the front..but I am determined to dwell on the good lovely brother died on Christmas day..but said he would wait till everyone had had a good day has he put it, and he did....then he left us.xx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Mr DD and me were discussing last night how odd it is to be without our mums over the festive period. He surprised me by saying that it was probably good we moved when we did because our first Christmas without them in the house they had always come to would have been strange and unsettling.

    I am thinking of you. DD

    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I was musing further on this and realised that although any sort of 'anniversary', such as birthdays, is difficult, Christmas can be particularly emotional because the world and his wife is very publicly in celebratory mode around you.Other occasions are essentially private, involving family and friends. If you were to speak to individuals on any street or in any shop you would hear stories of loss,regret, illness, missing someone, but the collective default setting at this time of year is 'happy' and we have to do our best to go along with that or at least avoid making other people feel uncomfortable. In some respects this is a good thing, but it's not easy.
    That was very perceptive of Mr DD. Being in a new home is a chance to make new memories and traditions whilst also remembering those absent, but without the painful physical reminders.
    And now, the washing up beckons - but as the sun's out and it's so mild I can have the back door open and listen to the birds whistling while I work.