Moving On

stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
edited 3. Feb 2016, 04:13 in Living with Arthritis archive
I have taken a very difficult decision.

For some time now both our sons have been trying, gently, to persuade us to move nearer to them. I guess we should be grateful that both they and our daughters-in-law want this. But one son lives about 126 miles away and the other about 5,500. Where we are now we have excellent friends, GPs, a teaching hospital and dentist not to mention a bungalow which was bought specifically for my arthritic needs some 35+ years ago.

But Mr SW is 73 and I'm not lagging far behind. He is not going to stay forever fit, healthy and able to drive (though, being a bloke, he stoutly denies this :roll: ). I would seriously struggle without his help in washing my hair, fastening my shoes, doing up my zips and a host of other minor-but-necessary things. If he were to be suddenly incapacitated I'd be useless to him. We'd probably both end up in a residential home. And some friends of ours currently make a round trip of well over 300 miles every 3 weeks or so to visit her mother's residential home. I couldn't, wouldn't, ask that of my sons. Indeed, they couldn't do it due to financial and essential work commitments.

So, willingly-but-reluctantly I have decided to opt for Scotland. I couldn't hack a Californian summer and our bank account couldn't hack US medical bills. I say 'I' because Mr SW is delighted at the prospect of having a permanent playmate whether the Scottish 9 yr old or the Californian 6 yr old. Much as I love visiting my two lovely, kind, thoughtful, energetic grandsons, I would prefer the tried and tested familiarity of my home, friends and medics. But......

I think it must happen and I intend to make it work. I shall not look back. Best to do it now while we both have the capacity to carve out new lives. We shall go up to Scotland again soon to check out possible areas (What seems idyllic to visit or drive through seems less so when taking into account access to essentials) then, hopefully, get this place on the market before swanning off to California for my 70th. Thus leaving the estate agent to do at least the first lot of viewings in a relatively tidy house :lol:

I have started this thread and shall update it from time to time because this is something that comes to all of us but maybe more urgently, and less deniably, to those of us living with arthritis.


  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just wanted to wish you well in your quest. Moving after having lived in one place for so long will tug at your heart strings naturally, but hopefully Mr SW and yourself will have family nearby to help if/when needed.

    Good luck with the home hunting and relocation.

    Take care,
  • dibdab
    dibdab Member Posts: 1,498
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What an incredibly brave and wise decision. I'm no where near as far along the arthritic road as you I suspect, but already I rely on the OH to fasten shoes and so forth, sometimes more than others. Sometimes looking into the future is more than a little intimidating, and the kind of life decisions you have made are far better made before necessity dictates it.

    I wish you both well in your search for the next step on this journey, and have no doubt that for your children it will be a huge relief that you are courageous enough to make this decision for yourself. I really hope that the search goes smoothly and you find excellent medical facilities to give you all the ongoing care and support that you need.

    Deb xx
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,152
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    What a sensible plan you two have come up with and I wish you so much luck in finding what you need in regards of healthcare and suitable accommodation.We still have family and friends in Scotland spread quite widely so we see a lot of it and we like to do coach trips so you never who you might bump into.Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    'Brave', 'wise', 'sensible' :shock: Crikey! Who is this paragon of virtue? She sounds incredibly dull and boring :lol:

    Seriously, folks, thanks for the encouragement and kind words. I do need it and them and shall use it all as fuel for the journey. There was an element of forcing my own hand by going public with the decision so no looking back from now on. Gulp :lol:
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It will be a wrench for you, Sticky, but since you had RA at such a young age you have been adapting all your life, to the demands of RA, everyday living, and bringing up children. I have no doubt you will adapt to living in Bonny Scotland, and I think it`s the right decision for you.

    If I remember correctly, you and Mr.SW were considering the Borders, and I wish you good luck in finding somewhere suitable which will tick all your boxes.

    We love Scotland, and visit two or three times a year, mostly to the far north-east or the far north-west, but we live under a couple of hours from the Borders so are quite familiar with them.I believe there is to be a new train link from Melrose to Edinburgh - I`m sure I read that somewhere and `filed it away.` A friend of mine who was in the same choir as me moved up to Lauder to be near her daughter when her husband died, and has forged a new life for herself.

    I wish you all that is good for the future and hope all goes smoothly for you.
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    A difficult decision but a wise one. It will be hard leaving a place where you have lived fir so long with all its memories and where you have friends and local services that you know.
    I think you are very sensible to do it now so it is a postive move and one you can plan and research.
    I've lived in my house for 15 years and in the same area for nearly 30 but in about 4 or 5 years I wil be moving to be closer to my daughter, like you she wants this.
    Hope all goes well and looking forward to regular updates.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm not sure what to say because my experience is very far removed from yours (in terms of both arthritis and family) but I can appreciate the logic and sense in this move. I also understand the reluctance in leaving what you know (which has been familiar for many years) to start all over again.

    It can be so hard to think about the future, especially when one is fit and well (whatever that means) but we do, all the time. That's one of the bigger differences I note between me and Mr DD, his future is around 10 - 15 years away (and always has been) whereas I am hoping to make it through tomorrow. :| We moved to No.10 for a variety of reasons but mostly in the knowledge that, one way or another, this house will see us both out. We are childless and that means, in due course, that people will be paid to visit to help 'us' out (by 'us' I mean me but who knows?)

    Everyone's life changes over time (whether healthy or not) and, if they have the sense to 'go with the flow' the changes can be for the better. I sincerely hope that proves to be the case for the Stickywickets. DD
  • pot80
    pot80 Member Posts: 109
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Eminently sensible and I hope it goes well.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you Tezz, Slosh, DD and pot80. The really hard bit is getting my head round leaving behind friends who are themselves unlikely to be able to visit, at least for much longer. However, the timetable is such I'll hardly have much time to fret :o

    Tezz, the Borders' Railway is now up and running. Tweedbank (near Melrose) to Edinburgh.

    Mig and Tezz you'll be most welcome to call in on us when we finally move, on your trips up north :D
  • PetiteN
    PetiteN Member Posts: 87
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Wow. Good luck with your new chapter! Sounds like you'll be busy :-)
  • Megrose2
    Megrose2 Member Posts: 331
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I wish you all the best, Sticky and hope that you are able to find somewhere you love in Scotland.

    We are similar ages to yourself and Mr SW and both our sons live in Scotland - 200 miles away. I would love to move back there. I came to England when I was 7. However, Mr MR struggles with depression/anxiety so, although we talk about it, I think an actual move would be too much. It does concern me a little, as we continue to age, that our sons are so far away.

    Let us know how you get on.


    BTW, you may notice that I am now Megrose2. A computer problem meant that I had to ask for a password reset, but my email address wasn't recognised. So, I had to re-register. :)

    We will have a go at sorting out your membership :)
    Mod B
  • slomo
    slomo Member Posts: 180
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hope your house move goes ahead smoothly, Sticky.
    At least moving now you and your OH can have a say in where you're moving to rather than leaving it to later when your health ( both of you) may have deteriorated and your optíons could be limited as a result.
    I think you're both being very sensible - and brave.
    All the best with it.

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks again, this time to PetiteN, megrose (1 or 2 :lol: ) and slomo.

    I specified on r*ghtm*v* that I only wanted bungalows, not houses, as I was disabled. This morning I got the specs of a bungalow set on the side of a hill with about 15-16 steps outside to access it :shock: I don't think so. Not without a funicular rail lift :wink:
  • Starburst
    Starburst Member Posts: 2,546
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I think planning for older age is something that is immensely important but often gets forgotten in the busy lives that we lead. I see it at work so often, people who suddenly find themselves in a position that they might have anticipated, had they stopped to consider it. Some find it worrying, I suppose, to consider the future but I think it's more reassuring; to know that you can retain your independence for as long as possible and to be able to plan a bit more.

    Change is always hard but starting a new chapter can bring so many opportunities. You'll have to learn Scottish though. :wink:
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    One of the things that persuaded me was my son telling me of a couple he knows who had intended such a move for a long time but done nothing. Then he had a stroke and they had to move very quickly, not to somewhere they had selected but to anywhere that would fit the bill instantly because their current home was unsuitable.

    Scottish? I'm already fluent - Ardbeg. Bowmore. Laphroaigh. What more is necessary :lol:
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Best wishes for your move, Sticky. I'm in a home unsuitable for me now at 49 (soon 50) but we have to stay and, want to stay for now. I don't think I could convince Mr. otherwise until some dreaded event happens so I'm making the most of rural life for now because inevitably we will have to move somewhere more suitable.

    Moving is never easy. I think you are inspiring and brave.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,276
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry I missed this one SW, its such an hard decision, but like you say one that has to be made now ..I have a dread of moving after 41 years here but know its not far you say its lovely that your dils and sons want you near them..and I think when you do settle in will adore being nearer your GC..a new beginning .. :)
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,101
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you, Anna and Barbara. It won't be easy but life's not all about our needs it's also about the needs of those who love us and care for us so I'm taking a deep breath and going for it.

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