Partner on life support

GraceB

I hope this makes sense.
I've been with my partner for 25 plus years and tonight he is in ICU of our local hospital on life support. Massive cardiac arrest related to undiagnosed dvt as he refused to see GP. I called an ambulance out to him Sunday and the GP was due to see him at home today but we didn't get to that point.
A DNR is in place at suggestion of ICU Drs as the initial scans show significant brain damage. They gave him a clot busting drug and put him on a mechanical cpr machine but was on that for over 45 minutes before they saw any response. He's unlikely to recover. His daughter, son & sister have all been to the hospital and were involved in the decision as I wanted their voices to be heard.
His sister and nephew followed me home - I live practically opposite the hospital - but they still did this. So I got home safe and I went to bed but can't sleep as I'm in such a state.
He has progressive prostate cancer so was long-term terminal but I, like the rest of his and my family, weren't ready for this yet.
I don't know what else to say. Sorry.
Please - if any of you are worried about a possible DVT in you or a loved one please, please, please don't leave it.

GraceB

mig

Dear Grace I don't know what to say to you that could help but that my thoughts are with you and both families at this difficult time,God bless. Mig

frogmorton

Dear Grace

I am so very, very sorry to hear how poorly your OH is.

You and he certainly don't deserve to be going through such a terrifying ordeal.

I feel so heartened by the amazing support you are receiving from his family. Bless them - he would be so pleased I am sure.

Thank you for your advice regarding DVT and medical attention. I will always remember this post.

I am sending you very much love and strength and will keep a candle lit for you.

Love

Toni xxx

Slosh

Oh Grace, there are no words for a situation like this, all I can say is that my thoughts, and if you don't object, my prayers are with you, your family and yor OH.

dreamdaisy

Oh. I am so, so sorry Grace. I am thinking of you. ((( ))) DD

Megrose2

I'm so sorry to hear this, Grace. Stay strong. I'm thinking about you.

Meg

theresak

Oh, Grace, I am so very sorry to hear this. I'm glad you have family support, and and will keep you and your OH in my prayers.

bubbadog

Grace what can I say but my thoughts are with you, your family and your partners family at this dreadful time.

stickywicket

Oh Grace! After all you've been through!

I'm so sorry. I have no words. (((( ))))

dachshund

Hello Grace
i'm so sorry I don't no what to say your 0/h is in the right place.
((((((((Grace and o/h and family))))))))
take care
joan xx

prefabkid47

Hello Grace
So so sorry to read your post.Just having got over your operation and this happens.
Difficult to know what to say in these circumstances but that I and no doubt all forum members are thinking of you and sending our love.
So glad you have the support of your family and friends.
(((((Please take care Grace)))))
Ron

[Deleted User]

Dear Grace,

What terrible news, and what a shock. You did brilliantly to acclimatise yourselves to the prostrate cancer, it's so unfair to have this to deal with right now, with no warning at all.

All of us working behind the scenes are thinking of you, sending you love and strength, like Toni I'll keep a candle lit for you.

With love

Mod Yx

Boomer13

Oh I am so sorry, I can't even imagine your pain (((((())))))).
I'm making sure my OH reads your story. He has family history and refuses to see doctors.

barbara12

Oh lovey this is a terrible shock for you,there are no words that can help..but please remember we are here for you, talking is so good at a time like this...sending you some very gentle hugs..((())) xx

Turbogran

Sorry to hear this Grace my thoughts and prayers are with you

daffy2

Thinking of you Grace and wishing you strength in the coming days.

GraceB

Thank you for your replies and support.

Consultant spoke to myself and his daughter at length this afternoon. Sedation was stopped first thing today so they could check neurological brain activity. He's failed to respond to his name being called, fingers/hands being squeezed, and he's not tried to move or pull his tubes out, all things that usually happen when sedation stops and you are on life support. They've said although his brain stem is ok, the area of brain immediately over that is catastrophically damaged and swollen. If this swells more it'll impact on the brain stem. The brain stem is the part that keeps you breathing.

This, sadly, is not survivable. The part of his brain that's damaged deals with movement, character, speech, etc., etc. In short, everything that makes you who you are.

The consultant said that if his BP drops, he goes into cardiac arrest again or his organs fail they'll not intervene. They've also stopped medication to support his BP but that had remained stable enough for them. He is now being assessed hour by hour. If he gets through the night, he'll be assessed again in the morning and a further discussion will take place and I'm expecting that to focus on removing his life support system.

Having known John since I was 24 - I'll be 51 in May - the man I saw in the ITU bed isn't my John. Not anymore. His daughter, his son and myself now wish he has a peaceful ending, which is pain free. His sister is still wanting a miracle to happen and I don't think she truly realises we'll lose him. To all intents and purposes we've lost him already. He doesn't react to us when we speak to him, touch him or squeeze his hands.

There was a discernible change in his breathing between this morning and when we left tonight. This morning, his chest was rising with the machines, but tonight his lower rib cage and upper abdomen were rising and falling. The nursing staff said this is a part of the process that's taking place.

His ex-workmates are all now aware of the situation and his distant relations such as cousins have also been updated. His ex workmates are cascading information for me between themselves to save me some phone calls as I am exhausted.

My niece has been with me all the way, my nephew has been there for me, as have my friends and his family. I've had support via phone and text from my brother (he's in Coventry) and sister (she's in Yorkshire, is disabled and unable to travel). Knowing my "forum family" are with me in spirit helps as well so thank you all so much.

I'll post again tomorrow.

GraceB

Megrose2

((())) Take care of yourself, Grace, during this extremely difficult time.

Meg

dreamdaisy

((((( ))))) DD

mig

You are in my thoughts.(((()))) Mig

stickywicket

As ever, Grace, you are being sensible and practical and wise but your heart must be breaking. For what it's worth we are right there behind you. ((( )))

bubbadog

Grace my heart goes out to you, please take care (())'s

slomo

So terribly sad to hear your news Grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xx
slomo

barbara12

I will be thinking about you Grace..and you are right ..in that you want a peaceful end for him..I know its different him being your partner..but I lost my brother like this and seeing him with no pain and snuggled up in bed with no wires really helped..and still does 7 years later..just carry on talking to him and let him know how much he is loved..((())) xx

dachshund

Hello Grace
i'm thinking about you ((((((((Grace)))))))) take care
joan xx

theresak

Thinking of you Grace.