Partner on life support

GraceB
GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
edited 20. Feb 2016, 10:01 in Community Chit-chat archive
I hope this makes sense.
I've been with my partner for 25 plus years and tonight he is in ICU of our local hospital on life support. Massive cardiac arrest related to undiagnosed dvt as he refused to see GP. I called an ambulance out to him Sunday and the GP was due to see him at home today but we didn't get to that point.
A DNR is in place at suggestion of ICU Drs as the initial scans show significant brain damage. They gave him a clot busting drug and put him on a mechanical cpr machine but was on that for over 45 minutes before they saw any response. He's unlikely to recover. His daughter, son & sister have all been to the hospital and were involved in the decision as I wanted their voices to be heard.
His sister and nephew followed me home - I live practically opposite the hospital - but they still did this. So I got home safe and I went to bed but can't sleep as I'm in such a state.
He has progressive prostate cancer so was long-term terminal but I, like the rest of his and my family, weren't ready for this yet.
I don't know what else to say. Sorry.
Please - if any of you are worried about a possible DVT in you or a loved one please, please, please don't leave it.

GraceB
Turn a negative into a positive!
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Comments

  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Grace I don't know what to say to you that could help but that my thoughts are with you and both families at this difficult time,God bless. Mig
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 26,680
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Grace

    I am so very, very sorry to hear how poorly your OH is.

    You and he certainly don't deserve to be going through such a terrifying ordeal.

    I feel so heartened by the amazing support you are receiving from his family. Bless them - he would be so pleased I am sure.

    Thank you for your advice regarding DVT and medical attention. I will always remember this post.

    I am sending you very much love and strength and will keep a candle lit for you.

    Love

    Toni xxx
    Love

    Toni xxx
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Grace, there are no words for a situation like this, all I can say is that my thoughts, and if you don't object, my prayers are with you, your family and yor OH.
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh. I am so, so sorry Grace. I am thinking of you. ((( ))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • Megrose2
    Megrose2 Member Posts: 331
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I'm so sorry to hear this, Grace. Stay strong. I'm thinking about you.

    Meg
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh, Grace, I am so very sorry to hear this. I'm glad you have family support, and and will keep you and your OH in my prayers.
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace what can I say but my thoughts are with you, your family and your partners family at this dreadful time.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,253
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Grace! After all you've been through!

    I'm so sorry. I have no words. (((( ))))
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,011
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace
    i'm so sorry I don't no what to say your 0/h is in the right place.
    ((((((((Grace and o/h and family))))))))
    take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • prefabkid47
    prefabkid47 Member Posts: 1,316
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace
    So so sorry to read your post.Just having got over your operation and this happens.
    Difficult to know what to say in these circumstances but that I and no doubt all forum members are thinking of you and sending our love.
    So glad you have the support of your family and friends.
    (((((Please take care Grace)))))
    Ron
    ''Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy''. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
  • moderator
    moderator Moderator Posts: 4,085
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Grace,

    What terrible news, and what a shock. You did brilliantly to acclimatise yourselves to the prostrate cancer, it's so unfair to have this to deal with right now, with no warning at all.

    All of us working behind the scenes are thinking of you, sending you love and strength, like Toni I'll keep a candle lit for you.

    With love

    Mod Yx
  • Boomer13
    Boomer13 Member Posts: 1,931
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh I am so sorry, I can't even imagine your pain (((((())))))).
    I'm making sure my OH reads your story. He has family history and refuses to see doctors.
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,094
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh lovey this is a terrible shock for you,there are no words that can help..but please remember we are here for you, talking is so good at a time like this...sending you some very gentle hugs..((())) xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • Turbogran
    Turbogran Member Posts: 1,989
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sorry to hear this Grace my thoughts and prayers are with you
    Take care
    Carol xx
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,713
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thinking of you Grace and wishing you strength in the coming days.
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,598
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you for your replies and support.

    Consultant spoke to myself and his daughter at length this afternoon. Sedation was stopped first thing today so they could check neurological brain activity. He's failed to respond to his name being called, fingers/hands being squeezed, and he's not tried to move or pull his tubes out, all things that usually happen when sedation stops and you are on life support. They've said although his brain stem is ok, the area of brain immediately over that is catastrophically damaged and swollen. If this swells more it'll impact on the brain stem. The brain stem is the part that keeps you breathing.

    This, sadly, is not survivable. The part of his brain that's damaged deals with movement, character, speech, etc., etc. In short, everything that makes you who you are.

    The consultant said that if his BP drops, he goes into cardiac arrest again or his organs fail they'll not intervene. They've also stopped medication to support his BP but that had remained stable enough for them. He is now being assessed hour by hour. If he gets through the night, he'll be assessed again in the morning and a further discussion will take place and I'm expecting that to focus on removing his life support system.

    Having known John since I was 24 - I'll be 51 in May - the man I saw in the ITU bed isn't my John. Not anymore. His daughter, his son and myself now wish he has a peaceful ending, which is pain free. His sister is still wanting a miracle to happen and I don't think she truly realises we'll lose him. To all intents and purposes we've lost him already. He doesn't react to us when we speak to him, touch him or squeeze his hands.

    There was a discernible change in his breathing between this morning and when we left tonight. This morning, his chest was rising with the machines, but tonight his lower rib cage and upper abdomen were rising and falling. The nursing staff said this is a part of the process that's taking place.

    His ex-workmates are all now aware of the situation and his distant relations such as cousins have also been updated. His ex workmates are cascading information for me between themselves to save me some phone calls as I am exhausted.

    My niece has been with me all the way, my nephew has been there for me, as have my friends and his family. I've had support via phone and text from my brother (he's in Coventry) and sister (she's in Yorkshire, is disabled and unable to travel). Knowing my "forum family" are with me in spirit helps as well so thank you all so much.

    I'll post again tomorrow.

    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • Megrose2
    Megrose2 Member Posts: 331
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ((())) Take care of yourself, Grace, during this extremely difficult time.

    Meg
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,558
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ((((( ))))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • mig
    mig Member Posts: 7,150
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are in my thoughts.(((()))) Mig
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 26,253
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    As ever, Grace, you are being sensible and practical and wise but your heart must be breaking. For what it's worth we are right there behind you. ((( )))
    "The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain." Kahlil Gibran
  • bubbadog
    bubbadog Member Posts: 5,544
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Grace my heart goes out to you, please take care (())'s
  • slomo
    slomo Member Posts: 180
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So terribly sad to hear your news Grace. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xx
    slomo
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,094
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I will be thinking about you Grace..and you are right ..in that you want a peaceful end for him..I know its different him being your partner..but I lost my brother like this and seeing him with no pain and snuggled up in bed with no wires really helped..and still does 7 years later..just carry on talking to him and let him know how much he is loved..((())) xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,011
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Grace
    i'm thinking about you ((((((((Grace)))))))) take care
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thinking of you Grace.