GP, blood tests and a moan

Slosh

I know that I will get over this hump but I'm struggling a bit emotionally at present. I can't pinpoint a trigger but things are tough at the moment and I'm feeling fed up with it all. My arm/hand pain is getting on top of me, and although I know it's vanity with the warmer weather (when it finally comes), my added extras, wrist splint, occasional elbow supports (especially at work), and the new joy of sometimes needing a support on my left wrist too will all be more obvious and no longer hidden. I was brought up to always be doing something with my hands, knitting, sewing etc and while I do still craft it is much more limited. I am not going to give up work but it is really hard and I could never have thought that teaching could be so painful and exhausting. I dread going in because of how hard it will be as much as I enjoy teaching my groups.

My GP has reviewed my prescriptions, I didn't want to increase the dose of Oxycodone that I'm on, I'd rather put that off but he has increased the dose of Duloxetine that I'm on (for neuropathic pain), so I'm on the max dosage. As ever he listened, asked questions and was honest enough to say what I knew, but it was still hard to hear, that "The pain will never go away ".

He is bring thorough as ever so tomorrow I'm off for blood tests, Vit D, bone profile, CRP and rheumatoid factor but I don't think anything will show up.

So work tomorrow and hopefully I won't need to leave early on Friday again this week.

stickywicket

Moan away, Slosh. You are there for the rest of us when we have ours so I'm sure you're overdue one.

I can so empathise with the summer thing. It's not just the more obvious splints and things (Look! I'm disabled! Even more disabled than you thought ) but also the sheer heat of the things. With me it's the sturdy surgical shoes when everyone else is cooling off in strappy sandals. But you also have the actual pain of teaching and that must be doubly painful, both physical and emotional, because I know you love your work.

Your kind, thorough GP is right. It won't go away so do what you have to do and take what you need to take. Sometimes the only choice we have is to choose our battles.

dreamdaisy

For me better weather is often a trigger for a 'down in the dumps' time, the sunnier days mean covering up so the dreaded meth rash doesn't appear and our physical frailties become more apparent as we can't frolic as we once could; my old tennis gang has begun again, meeting every Friday night for a smash-around, same friends going out for summer evening bike rides and splashing around in a friend's outdoor pool. Miss it all. Never mind, I can sit and watch others having fun, isn't that a grand consolation? I used to be a keen knitter but I haven't done any for years thanks to dodgy wrists and elbows. I am now going to an informal, local art class and discovering I can draw, I can do watercolour and next week I am going to have a bash at lino cut. I work at my own pace and the tutor makes allowances for my physical limitations.

Working is hard on the body because we have to make so much more of a physical effort just to achieve the basics. Some days are easier than others but the harder days seem to dominate our memory. The way you have addressed your work issues is a credit, you are fortunate in having a good employer and you have altered and reduced the load but even so your body is unwilling to oblige by being more co-operative. All of us can empathise with that because we too are challenged. I don't miss working for one moment, it lifted a load which I hadn't realised was there because I was so used to daily life being hard work. It still is but in a different way because I am far worse than I used to be.

It is good that your GP is being so thorough, it is frustrating to have meds increased rather than decreased but sometimes needs must. The constant pain is a huge challenge to deal with because it never gets easier. You have good support all around but that doesn't alter the fact that your life has changed beyond all recognition and so quickly. You need a treat and soon, yes? ((( ))) DD

bubbadog

We are all entitled to a moan slosh! Getting to grips with pain and coming to terms that this is your life is always hard. Even now after all these years I see people my age trotting about in nice heeled shoes, going to Alton Towers (though I doubt they will get as many people going anymore) and enjoying life while I feel like an 80yr old person in a 40 yr old body and I hate it. And we all know about blood work sometimes it shows something and sometimes it doesn't that doesn't mean your not in pain! So we are all entitled to a moan because having this disease is S***y!!

theresak

I,too, know where you are coming from Slosh- I do so admire you for the way you've coped with the physical and mental side of illness. Frankly, I'm in awe that you are still managing to do your job at all, as I know how demanding it can be.

Like others have said, summer can be challenging too, and often makes us more aware of our limitations. As DD, I played a lot of tennis, and it's not the same watching. I miss the hikes with my husband, and the bike rides too. Due to council cuts we lost our nice little accessible swimming pool, so another door closed. I still love summer, as we do have a beautiful garden, planted full of memories, where I can sit and enjoy.

Your GP sounds like ours - supportive and keen to help. It's good to get things off your chest, I've done it on here plenty of times. Be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

barbara12

Its rotten when the pain is never ending and even more so when you cant pinpoint it..I hope by tweaking your meds your GP can help ease it a little..

Slosh

Thank you all so much, your words make such a difference.

Where to begin?

I didn't go for the blood tests this morning. I decided that I was setting myself up for a bad day if I did that before going into school, especially as where I go to have blood tests involves getting there at least an hour before they open and queuing outside, especially as there was frost on my car this morning, so I will go next Tuesday and then reward myself with tea and cake after.

I do love my job and knowing that I can still do a good job and make a difference, not only with the pupils I'm teaching, but with the pupils across the school where I have set up interventions, I just get angry and fed up that it gets so hard.
And my GP is great, always listens, asks about work, home how I am emotionally and discusses things like my meds with me. Fingers crossed the increased dose of Duloxatine seems to be making a difference but I'm also aware I've had 4 days of taking it (very) easy.
I slept better last night, not because I was knocked out but because my arms and shoulders were not as painful.
It's my eldest Grandson's 6th birthday soon so that's something to look forward to.

Thank you all again

stickywicket

I think postponing the bloods was a good plan. You really do cope admirably, Slosh, so you must forgive yourself the very occasional mini-moan. We all need them.

Grandsons are always god for brightening the day and 6 is a wonderful age.

Mind you, a good night's sleep is a big help too :deckchair:

Slosh

Thank you SW.
Set off with good intentions today although the change in meds was making me feel nauseous. However unfortunately there had been a major accident on the North Circular and part was closed, with the alternative route being via the M11 to the next junction and then doubling back!
After 2 hours I was just approaching the turn off to start the double back but the traffic wasn't moving that way either!
As my usual driving tolerance is about one hour I was starting to hurt and the thought of another 1, possibly 2 hours to get in was just too much.
As I was at a point where I could home in about 20-30 minutes I decided that I would give in and call in sick. If I had made it even if I'd managed to get through the day I don't think I would have managed tomorrow.

Not sure if that is classed as "coping admirably ", but I think it was sensible .
Ho hum...

dreamdaisy

I think that doing the sensible thing is the perfect example of a good coping strategy - and one of the hardest to learn.

Don't do yourself down, girl, you cope remarkably well and don't you forget it. We all have our down-and-low-days but what counts is the ability to pick oneself up and crack on: you always have and always will because you are so much more than the disease. It does not define you, you do. DD