Depression and desperation

lynmary

Hi Everyone,
Kinda need to say or type how desperate I am to people who understand. I feel stupid because I have supportive husband, children and friends, but I hate to moan to them. There is only so much people want to hear! My consultant is also supportive. BUT I am so down and desperate. My pain and stiffness is not under control despite being on max amount of gabapentin, and a change of rheumo drugs. My life feels as if it is getting more narrow and restricted by the day. Not sure where to go or do next.
There is so much else I could write and moan about but no point. Close to giving up. Please tell me I'm not the only one.

mig

((((())))) You're not the only one but I'm sure it feels that way,a few more hugs ((((())))) Mig

stickywicket

Please don't give up. Things will get better but, in the darkest days, it never seems as if they will.

You are not stupid, lynmary. You are just in a lot of pain. Have you thought of seeing your GP and maybe getting a short course of anti-depressants? Or, ringing our helpline people for a chat about it all?

dreamdaisy

It doesn't matter how much support you have around you because you are the one who is at the 'sharp end' so to speak. I completely agree about not banging on to family and friends about how tough things are because, let's face it, arthritis and its effects is not a riveting topic of conversation.

I plunged into depression in April 2011 when my OA was diagnosed (I thought that having PsA was it) and I clearly remember my GP saying 'At last!' when I went to ask for a short course of anti-deps. My thinking was that I would take them for around three months and then stop but my rheumatologist disagreed, her thinking being that if I was stronger mentally I would cope better. She was right, to this day I take a low daily dose of citalopram and, should I forget it, I can feel things 'slipping'. I've enough 'slippage' with everything else so I soon resume.

Given what we confront on a daily basis it is not surprising that we are sometimes pulled vey low in our moods. I reckon there is nothing wrong with a quick dip in the shallow end of the PoSP (pool of self-pity), a couple of days spent feeling very sorry for ourselves is necessary just to have a break from the relentless demands we face as wives and mothers. Both are demanding roles in themselves then factor in the debilitating effects of our conditions and we are doubly-stuffed, yes? Come and talk to us too, we all know what it is like because we've been there, are there or may be heading towards it again.

I think it is time to have a chat with your GP about what he can chemically can do to help as well as exploring the options of CBT and counselling. Please let us know how you get on. DD

lynmary

thanks everyone, I knew I could rely on you.
I'm on a low dose of fluoxitine.
Will keep plodding on I guess and hope that a 'miracle ' appears. Haha. 22 years of this is a downer and each flare-up doesn;t go back to zero. Hope that isn't odd remark.

bubbles

I can only agree with what others have said Lynmary, pain upon pain, seemingly endless, is very very wearing. It lowers your mood terribly.
I started on anti depressants some years ago, for the very same reasons - I cannot say they are magical, but they do help. A talk with your GP is a good idea, as there are other drugs that can be tried, amitryptiline, pregabalin, to name but a couple. It seems a constant juggle to get the medication that suits you best and it needs tweaking now and again.
Don't give up, everyone here will support you as much as possible. Talk to the wonderful people on the helpline if you feel ok with that.

Take lots of care XXX Aidan

stickywicket

It doesn't sound odd, just a fair assessment. For me, it helps to accept certain things as 'given'.

There will always be pain. I can only control what level of it is acceptable to me.

Joints get stiff. They will always get worse though there can be improvements in one joint or another.

This is my life. I don't have enough energy to waste it on envying others theirs or looking back.

Whether I like it or not my arthritis impacts on my family. No-one loves a moaning minnie but, unless I am – unselfpityingly – honest with them, arthritis will drive a wedge between us. I won't allow it to do that.

Whenever I have to give up an activity I try to take up a new one to replace it.

There are bad times and sometimes they seem as if they'll last forever but then something good happens. How long have you been on your current medication? Is the rheumatologist happy with it? Sometimes pain and stiffness bear little or no relationship to whether or not the disease is being controlled.

[Deleted User]

Hello lynmary
as others have said, pain can be such a miserable place to be and it always feels like it will never end. However nothing stays the same and it will get better as you know from your 22 years experience. As others have suggested it is definitely worth speaking to your GP.

It is also always a good idea to speak to others who understand what you are going through, which is why this forum is such a magical place because you can quickly get support from others who know exactly what you are talking about because we have all been where you are now.

We do have a useful booklet called Coping with emotions, here is the link https://www.arthritiscare.org.uk/what-is-arthritis/resources/214-coping-with-emotions
Also please phone our free confidential helpline on 0808 800 4050 they are there to support you at times like this. Let us know how you get, we will be thinking of you
Best Wishes
Sharon

lynmary

Thanks everyone for your support and advice, which is always better coming from those who are there with me

xxx

hileena111

Hi Lynmary
You are not stupid. I have a very supportive husband, 2 grown up children who no longer live at home but would be supportive if needed.
I really do try not to go on and on to my husband about aches/pains/doctors/etc etc because he is so supportive and there are only the two of us in the house now
That's why this forum is so good......to come on and have a vent now and then and know there are people in the same boat......well....all of us in pain from one kind of arthritis or another
I don't find it easy not to hve a good moan to my husband but I do try
Oh I had a course of CBT one time {a few years ago} and it really helped so why don't you talk to your GP then let us know what happens

Love
Hileena